


Behind Closed Doors

by chasethewind



Series: After Hours: The Series [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sequel, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:55:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5816713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasethewind/pseuds/chasethewind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The highly anticipated sequel to After Hours.</p>
<p>Six months after her assault, Felicity Smoak returns to Starling City to face the men who hurt her and the love she left behind. But things are far more complicated than they seem. A life-changing decision puts her at odds with herself and a new threat far more destructive than Cooper Seldon and Ray Palmer makes it even harder to keep her secret under wraps until the trial ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You have to read After Hours in order to understand this story.
> 
> This story has been months in the making and will deal with the aftermath of what happened to Felicity in After Hours. There will be some graphic descriptions of rape and violence in some chapters, and I'll make sure to warn accordingly in the author notes and in the chapter summary if need be.
> 
> For now, though, please enjoy the first chapter of Behind Closed Doors.

Running. It seemed like that was what she'd been doing for almost five months now. Her feet hit the pavement hard as she focused on her route home. Thump. Thump. Thump. The rhythm was one she had become accustomed to. With each step, her body released another burst of energy, another negative emotion she'd been holding onto. And it felt good. She was glad she'd taken her therapist's suggestion and found something she enjoyed doing, something which took her mind off the terrible things that consumed her if she sat still for too long.

But Felicity Smoak never seemed to stop running. Whether it was the early mornings before the sun rose and the Las Vegas heat became a burden, or to her job at the little tech store in the suburbs away from The Strip, she always seemed to be running. It kept her mind from reliving the hell she'd been through, the trials and tribulations she'd faced after that fateful December day when her life had been turned upside down.

The evidence still showed prominently across her abdomen: a long, six inch scar from her navel to just above the patch of hair she kept trimmed over her mons. It wasn't the only one she'd acquired. There was another one across her left wrist she kept hidden with a thick braided rope bracelet and several thin, silvery, lines scattered across the top of her thighs, marks which would forever remind her of the pain she'd put herself through in order to forget. The cutting hadn't worked, instead making her feel even worse, so she ran, sneakers to pavement, every morning.

Felicity paused for a moment at the corner of the street, where she and her mother had rented a nice little two bedroom cottage away from downtown to let a car roll past her at the stop sign. She couldn't help but take note of the driver, a young teenage girl probably headed off to school. Felicity noticed she'd been doing that ever since her attack. She couldn't understand why, but it just made her feel better knowing what was going on around her. As she waited for the car to pull away Felicity's eyes shifted left and right, scoping out her surroundings like a hawk, making sure she was alone and no one had followed her.

Felicity knew it was a side effect of her attack. Post-traumatic stress disorder, her therapist had explained; part and parcel of the emotional state she was currently in, which was why the doctor had suggested running in the first place. It helped her overcome some of the negativity and hopelessness she'd felt after leaving Starling City.

Her breaths came in shallow pants, sweat dripping from her forehead and down her back. It felt good, all this exercise, especially since she found herself eating more and more these days. Her therapist said it was most likely another way she found to deal with the pain, by overeating, but Felicity shrugged it off. Her workout routine kept her burning enough calories for two, which meant eating a substantial amount more the harder she pushed herself.

As the car pulled out of the subdivision, she resumed her run, crossing the street and turning right. She passed several gravel trimmed lawns before finally running up the driveway of her new home to find her mother's car parked outside. Working nights was one thing Donna Smoak had changed in order to spend more time with her daughter. Felicity couldn't blame her. She'd put her mother through hell these past few months, and things were only now beginning to settle down.

Having found the right person to help her through the constant negativity her mind focused on, Felicity was glad things were slowly getting better for her. Yes, it meant being on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications for the foreseeable future, but for the first time since she left Starling she felt like herself again. And that was something she was coming to cherish as the days passed.

"Mom!" Felicity called out as she pushed through the door, kicking off her sneakers and leaving them in the foyer next to the door. "I'm home!"

"I'm in the kitchen!" Donna yelled from somewhere near the back of the house.

Felicity followed her voice until she found her mother standing next to the fridge grabbing the milk jug and a bottle of water. "How was your run?" she asked, turning to her daughter and handing her the water.

Twisting off the cap, Felicity took several large gulps before she put it down on the granite countertop. "It was good," she replied with a smile. Her arm rose to her forehead and wiped the sweat off her brow. She moved around the kitchen counter, stopping at the sink to open the cabinet beside it. An array of orange pill bottles lined the bottom shelf and she reached inside to grab the two with her name on it.

One little white pill and one little orange pill; each helped get her through the day. They were followed up by several more gulps of water before Felicity wandered to the fridge and began rummaging through it for something to eat. Her stomach had begun to growl halfway through her run this morning making her hungrier than usual. Eggs, shredded cheddar, spinach, and mushrooms were thrown onto the counter as her mother looked on from the coffee pot she had begun to brew.

"Hungry much?" Donna jested, motioning to the food as it piled up beside her daughter.

Felicity had added an orange, a bowl of strawberries, and a cup of vanilla yogurt to the mix before she turned to her mother and replied, "Running takes a lot out of me, and I have to keep pushing myself if I want to run that marathon at the end of the year."

"I'm just glad to see you doing so well," Donna said. She came up behind Felicity and wrapped her arms around her middle for a backwards hug. "After all that's happened, I'm happy to see you're starting to feel better. And I'm glad the doctor finally got you on a better medication than you were on earlier. It broke my heart to hear your puking every morning."

"I know," Felicity softly replied, leaning into her mother. She knew without Donna's support and constant vigilance she probably wouldn't have gotten through the past five months. Her mother was the rock she had anchored herself to. The woman had shown incredible strength even when Felicity had wanted to give up. Without her mother's love, Felicity knew she most likely would have been in a pine box right now.

The mere thought had tears stinging Felicity's eyes. She turned to face her mother and wrapped her arms around the older woman, fully enveloping her in a hug. "Thanks, Mom," she whispered into Donna's ear before pulling away to make her breakfast.

"You're my beautiful baby girl," Donna replied. "I would go to hell and back to make sure you were happy and healthy."

These little moments of showing gratitude had become something new. Felicity had never realized just how much she needed her mother's strength until now, and she was glad to have it. She turned away, grabbing three eggs from the container and cracking them over a mixing bowl. To it she added the cheese, spinach, and mushrooms before they were thrown into a skillet. Donna peeled the orange and chopped the strawberries before taking them to the table along with a bowl, a spoon, a fork, and a mug.

"So, what are you up to today?" she asked, setting the table for her daughter.

"I've got my check-up with the doctor at ten followed by a blood and urine test right after and an early appointment with my therapist at noon then I'm free the rest of the day," Felicity answered, stirring the contents of her skillet to make sure everything cooked through. If there was one thing she hated, it was runny eggs. "I was thinking maybe we could go for lunch at that new Thai place that opened up off The Strip."

"That sounds like a fantastic idea!" her mother exclaimed. "I'll grab a couple hours of shut-eye and meet you there. Just call me when you finish with your appointments. Maybe we could do a little shopping too."

"I think we could do that," Felicity said. "I mean, I'm overdue for some new clothes. My old ones are getting a bit tight, considering how much weight I've been putting on these past couple of months."

"Honey, you look fantastic, so don't start thinking you're fat because you're not!" Donna replied, pouring her daughter a steaming cup of coffee as Felicity plated her eggs and took a seat at the table beside her. "You're gaining back the weight you lost after the incident and those terrible antidepressants they put you on," she reasoned. Felicity nodded in agreement as she dug into her food.

The rest of the morning went by quickly and quietly. After breakfast, Felicity grabbed a shower and put on her favorite pair of loose yoga pants and a flimsy gray tank top that would counter the stifling Vegas heat as she ventured out to her first appointment of the day. Her regular doctor was an older woman she hadn't seen since childhood named Dr. Hennings but given their history, Dr. Hennings had been her first choice when it came to Felicity's general health. She had been the first one to see Felicity after her arrival four months prior, and she was the one to see her whenever any health problems came up.

"Miss Smoak," the nurse called her name as she scrolled through random posts on Tumblr, enjoying the cute cat photos and quietly laughing at the funny videos that came across her dash. It was a fun little distraction in her day-to-day life she indulged in during the quiet moments in order to keep her mind off heavier things.

Felicity stood and followed the young woman with the green scrubs through the first set of double doors into the check in area. Weight, blood pressure, and temperature were taken with relative ease before she was led to an exam room down the hall. The early appointments were her favorites. It meant not having to wait long to see the doctor before things got backed up.

And just as she was about to pull out her phone and start scrolling through Tumblr again, the door opened and the woman in question entered wearing a white lab coat and black slacks and colorful blouse. "Good morning, Felicity," she cheerily said as she took a seat in front of the little desk beside the exam table. Her salt-and-pepper hair was piled up on the top of her head in a neat bun, stylish glasses perched a few inches above her forehead.

"Morning, Dr. Hennings," Felicity replied with a smile.

"How are you feeling today?" the doctor asked as she took the glasses off her head and set them down on her nose to better read the computer in front of her.

"Pretty good. A little hungry and I kinda have to pee, but I figured I'd hold it considering all the lab testing you need me to do today."

Dr. Hennings nodded as she scanned through Felicity's chart on her laptop. "Looks like you've gained another five pounds since I saw you last month. A bit less than I expected, but considering you were practically emaciated when I last saw you, I'd say this is a very good thing," she said. "So you're exercising and eating well?"

"Yep! Went for a ten mile run early this morning and had a very good breakfast when I got home," Felicity answered.

"That probably explains why your temperature and heart rate are slightly elevated," the doctor noted. "And your medications, how are they working out for you? Better than the first ones you tried?"

"Much better!" Felicity exclaimed. "I feel like I'm me again, and I haven't felt that way in a very long time. I haven't been as sick as with the first ones either." She paused for a moment, watching the doctor take notes. When the older woman looked up, Felicity was biting her lip.

"Anything else?" Dr. Hennings asked.

Felicity hesitated. There were a few other things on her mind that related to her medications, things she found slightly unsettling, "Well," she stammered, "there have been a few things that I've noticed. I've been constipated, exhausted to the point of nearly passing out, and I've been really hungry lately. It's like no matter what I eat, I'm never full."

The doctor nodded. "Well, those are all side effects of the medications you're taking, but they could also be symptoms of something else," she replied, making Felicity stare up at her in confusion. As Dr. Hennings scanned through her chart, her finger landed on the screen and she asked, "When was the last time you had sex?"

Felicity's blood ran cold and her face fell. She could feel her heart begin to race just thinking about the answer to that question. Her eyes glazed over as her head started to spin as the memories of her attack flooded her mind. It had been so long since anything had triggered a panic attack this strong, but here she was, her hands starting to shake as her chest tightened.

"Felicity? Felicity!" Dr. Hennings called her name several times before she snapped out of it and a sob escaped her lips. The doctor's hand was on her right wrist pressing against the pulse point. "I'm sorry, dear," she quickly apologized, rubbing her other hand up and down Felicity's back. "I didn't mean to do that. Here, take this." The doctor handed her a cup of water.

Felicity gulped half of it down and a moment later a tissue was pressed into her hand. She wiped the tears that had dripped down her cheeks before blowing her nose. Her heart continued to race, something that would go on for at least an hour if she didn't take her anti-anxiety medication. Thankfully, it was in a small vial in her pocket. With the rest of the water in her cup, she gulped it down.

"Good. That should kick in soon," Dr. Hennings said, her hand still on Felicity's back. "I just want you to sit and relax. I'll have a nurse come stay with you until you're better."

"Thank you," Felicity weakly replied as she lay back on the table and closed her eyes. Well, that wasn't exactly how she wanted her first appointment of the day to go. At least it was something to bring up with her therapist.

It took about twenty minutes, but the drug finally worked its way through Felicity's system and calmed her down enough to leave the doctor's office with more sincere apologies and a lollipop, a throwback to her childhood when she'd cry after getting booster shots. Her next stop was the clinic's in-house testing facility. Located on the first floor, she took the elevator down and turned right, through the open double doors and straight to the reception desk.

One of the nurses checked her in then ushered her through another set of double doors into an open room where they would draw blood and take a urine sample. With the anxiety medication coursing through her system, it was easy for Felicity to look away as the nurse wrapped an elastic band around her upper arm just a couple inches above her elbow and take as much blood as Dr. Hennings had ordered. Four vials sat on the little metal tray beside her when the nurse was done, then a cup was handed to Felicity and she made her way to the bathroom down the hall.

With all the testing complete, it left Felicity with half an hour to get to her therapist's office. She took her time, slowly and methodically getting into her car, turning on the engine, putting her seatbelt on then shifting into reverse before pulling out of the clinic's parking lot. There was a lot on her mind and she needed some time to think before she came face to face with the woman who had managed to save her from herself.

The drive alone ate up twenty minutes of Felicity's time, allowing her to take a few moments to collect herself in the parking lot before stepping out into the stifling mid-afternoon Vegas heat. Her glasses instantly fogged up upon leaving the cool, air conditioned interior of her car as sweat appeared on her brow. This was the one thing Felicity didn't miss about living in Sin City: the oppressive heat. At least it was dry heat, she kept telling herself, remembering all the humid days in Starling which had made her feel even worse than this.

Trudging through the revolving doors of the stout building, Felicity made a beeline for the elevator. She was alone in the cool lobby, not a soul in sight, which was probably the reason why she liked this place so much. There was no one she was forced to interact with, no unnecessary conversations she'd have to endure until she reached the third floor of the building and stepped into the next office.

"Good morning, Felicity," the receptionist greeted with a warm smile. "Dr. Fei is waiting in her office. She said you can go right on in."

Felicity nodded and turned. The door to her therapist's office was already open; she just needed to step through. A new wave of anxiety hit her as she stood there frozen at the threshold. Inside, the office was warm and inviting with its large, white leather couch and cream colored walls. She'd sat on that couch at least three times a week for the last four months, talking nonstop about her life before and after the assault, but never about the incident itself.

"Felicity, are you alright?" The voice calling her name from inside the office startled her. She jumped back a step before glancing in the direction it came from. From the glass desk across the room, a short, lithe Asian woman with jet black hair and hazel eyes stood. She wasn't much older than Felicity but seemed years beyond her age with the amount of worldly knowledge she possessed, knowledge which had helped Felicity begin to come to terms with what had happened.

"Oh, um, yeah… Sorry," Felicity stammered as she hesitantly stepped into the office before the doctor could come usher her inside. She closed the door behind her and went straight for the couch, plopping down without ceremony. A deep sigh escaped her lungs as she closed her eyes for a moment to collect her thoughts.

"Dr. Hennings already called and told me you had an episode," Dr. Fei said without preamble. She took a seat in the overstuffed black leather chair across from her, pen and paper in hand.

Felicity's head shot up, eyes wide, and stared. She wasn't expecting that, but at least it opened up the conversation without poking and prodding. "Yeah, in her office. I… I had a flashback when she asked me about the last time I... " She couldn't bring herself to even say the word, that's how hard it was talking about the topic.

"I know we've been working our way up to this, giving you time to talk about all the events which led up to your assault," the therapist said as Felicity blanched at her words. "But I think now is a good time to start working on the real issue: the rape itself."

Felicity immediately began to shake her head. "No! No… I can't! I'm not ready," she whimpered, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"Felicity," Dr. Fei calmly replied, placing a warm hand on her knee. "This isn't something you can keep running away from. I've seen you for almost four months now, gotten to really know you, and I think you're stable enough to begin intensive therapy."

"But my meds are working just fine…"

"I know they're working just fine, but they're only a temporary fix. Your depression, your anxiety, your PTSD, they all need to be treated with more than just medication," she said. Dr. Fei reached over her chair and grabbed something off her desk.

"What's this?" Felicity asked when the doctor handed her a tri-folded brochure. She flipped it open and began reading through its contents.

"Those are several different treatment options I'd like to discuss with you."

"Prolonged Exposure Therapy…? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy…? Intensive Family Therapy…?" Felicity closed the brochure and tossed it aside, continuing to shake her head as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want to deal with this!" she groaned. "It's not like I'm suicidal anymore!"

"Felicity, you're going to have to," Dr. Fei replied. "Just because you're no longer suicidal doesn't mean it won't happen again. People relapse. I've seen it happen more times than I can count and I don't want this to be something you have to deal with again. You've already tried once and I know from the hospital records Dr. Hennings sent over you had also been cutting. You need to address these issues before they turn into an even bigger problem."

"But I can't!" Felicity wailed.

"Why? What's holding you up?" Dr. Fei remained calm and collected as she eased herself onto the couch beside her patient.

Felicity glanced up at her when she felt the couch move. Tears continued to stream down her cheeks, splashing onto her chest and shoulders as she stared at the doctor beside her. There was something about the woman's features which calmed her, allowed her to step out of the protective shell she'd surrounded herself with and open up. "Because I don't want to relive it," she whispered.

"Then we'll start slow with Stress Inoculation Therapy. It's all about education, skill building, and application. Once I've given you the tools to deal with your stressors, we can move onto more intensive therapies like Prolonged Exposure Therapy."

"That sounds kinda scary," Felicity sniffled. "What is it?"

"It's a common method which has been effective for helping those who have this kind of trauma. During this therapy I teach you coping techniques such as deep breathing and relaxation before asking you to remember the event in as much detail as possible. It can be scary, but I'll be here with you the whole time. Prolonged Exposure Therapy is done in a safe environment where I can control the amount of exposure you experience and we can stop if your feelings exceed your coping abilities," Dr. Fei explained. "Do you think you can do this, Felicity?"

"I… I don't know," she hesitated. Actual therapy wasn't something on Felicity's mind. Once the medications started kicking in, she thought she could avoid ever talking about what had happened. She was slowly beginning to realize maybe medication wasn't the whole package, especially after what happened in Dr. Hennings' office.

"Well, I think you can, and you will. It's just going to take some time."

"Time… right," Felicity nodded. Her therapist grabbed a tissue out of the box on the side table next to the couch and handed it to her.

"Like I said, we'll start slow," Dr. Fei replied. "The education part should be easy for an MIT grad like yourself. For the next couple of days, I want you to read up on the general nature of stress. I'll email you a few links I think will be helpful. If you'd like to do more research, you're more than welcome to, but I'll get you started. Once that's complete, we'll begin working on the second phase of your treatment. I'll explain that in our next session. I think I've already given you enough to do as it is. Do you think you can do this for me?"

"That sounds doable," Felicity said, wiping the tears off her cheeks for the second time that day. She hated feeling so vulnerable and lost, but hearing Dr. Fei explain what her treatment would involve helped to lift her spirits and make her understand the process better. "Thank you, Doctor," she sniffled.

"Please, call me Mei," her therapist replied. "I think you've earned that."

Felicity nodded. "Mei," she said. "It's very pretty."


	2. Chapter 2

The time on her phone read a quarter after one in the afternoon when Felicity finally stepped out of Dr. Fei's office. So far there were no missed calls or text messages from her mother or anyone else and just one email in her inbox with the links for her stress "assignment." She clicked on the first one, "The Biology of Stress," and began skimming through while walking toward her car, paying little attention to what was going on around her.

Felicity liked getting lost in things sometimes. It took her mind off what was going on in her life and allowed her a little reprieve from the heaviness of her thoughts. Halfway through the parking lot, she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and glanced up. Her heart stopped. A person dressed in a black, long sleeve shirt and black cargo pants with a black ski mask covering his face ran toward her. He moved so fast she barely had time to react before his body slammed into hers full force. She screamed as she stumbled to the ground, her body curling in on itself in an effort to keep from getting hurt, but it was useless.

The man, or whoever this person was, began to pummel her. A swift kick to the side, one to the back, and a punch to the face had her crying out in terror. Felicity did her best to try and defend herself, but the man continued to wrestle with her, pawing at the purse looped over her shoulder and the phone in her hands. He managed to tear the strap, pulling her bag away from her shoulder, and that gave her a chance to strike.

Her foot shot out, catching him in the shin, and he howled in pain as he took a step back. It gave Felicity a chance to get one more good strike in before she scrambled off the ground and made a run for the building she'd just left. Once inside the revolving doors, she collapsed onto the marble floor, curling into a ball and sobbing. Someone must have heard her because soon she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her first instinct was to pull away and curl up into a tighter ball, but through the haze, she heard the call of her name from a familiar voice.

Felicity glanced up to find Dr. Fei standing above her, cell phone pressed to her ear as she kept her hand on Felicity's shoulder while staring out the doors. "Yes, it just happened, in broad daylight. I didn't get a good look at the perpetrator, but he was dressed in all black… Yes, all black, head to toe, including a black ski mask," the doctor relayed to whoever was on the other end of the line. "I don't know, let me ask."

Dr. Fei knelt down so she and Felicity were eye level and asked, "Are you hurt?"

All Felicity could do was stare up at her. Yes, she was hurt. The guy had tackled her to the ground, but actually saying it out loud was a whole other matter. Her mind couldn't form words, nor could it come up with an effective way of communicating that she was in pain. Instead, fear consumed her, forced her to cower and remain mute as she pressed herself against the cold marble wall into an even tighter ball.

"She's traumatized. Send an ambulance anyway. I want to make sure she hasn't been seriously injured in the attack. From what I could see, it looked like she took a pretty nasty fall. Would you like me to check for injuries?" Dr. Fei continued talking, her eyes drifting down Felicity's body as she spoke.

She put the phone down and addressed her directly," Felicity, I'm going to check you out to see where you're hurt. Would that be okay?" But Felicity didn't respond. The sheer amount of terror she felt at that moment overwhelmed her to the point of rendering her catatonic. Dr. Fei picked up her phone and said, "Okay, this is much worse than I thought. Let me see if I can get her talking again before you send in the paramedics. I don't want her having a breakdown… I'll stay on the phone and keep you updated on progress. Do _not_ send in the medics until I give the word. She's in a very fragile state right now and I don't want her to get overwhelmed."

Dr. Fei inched closer. Her hand fell on Felicity's knee and began rubbing circles over it. "Listen to my voice, Felicity," she said gently. "I want you to listen to my voice." The calm, soothing way in which she spoke had Felicity gazing up at her with glassy, unfocused eyes. "That's right, listen to my voice. Listen to me talking. That's all I want you to do. Listen to me speak. Everything will be okay. I'm here now."

The doctor paused for a moment, keeping up the circles she rubbed into Felicity's knee as her other hand stroked up and down her arm. "I want you to keep listening to me. We're going to practice a few breathing exercises, okay? I want you to take a deep breath for me and hold it until I count to four, then release it until I count to four." Felicity just stared at her, but Dr. Fei had broken through the haze. "Alright, now, breathe in deep for me," she said, and Felicity did as she was told. "One… Two… Three… Four… Now breathe out. One… Two… Three… Four… Breathe in. One… Two… Three… Four… And breathe out. One… Two… Three… Four…"

They did that for a several minutes, Felicity taking deep breaths while Dr. Fei counted them out for her. "You're doing good job," she complimented periodically as Felicity slowly began to come down from her heightened state of awareness. The rapid hammering of her heart continued, but the rest of her body slumped against the wall as the tension in her muscles eased. "That's it, just relax," Dr. Fei coaxed, her hand still rubbing up and down her arm. "Let the tension seep out of your muscles."

When Felicity finally felt the pressure in her chest ease, she took a big, gasping breath before relief finally hit her. It was over. She had survived. Even though she was hurt, she had survived. But someone had attacked her again, and that upset the delicate balance she'd been holding onto. Tears sprung from her eyes and fell down her cheeks in a torrent as a wailing sob escaped her throat. She slumped forward, wrapping her arms around Dr. Fei and holding on for dear life.

"Oh, Felicity," the doctor sighed. She held onto her patient, rocking her back and forth as Felicity continued to cry. Then she pulled back. Taking Felicity's face in her hands, Dr. Fei asked, "Are you hurt?"

Felicity nodded.

"Where are you hurt?"

"M-m-my side," she mumbled. "M-m-my back… and my face."

Dr. Fei picked up her phone and relayed the information to the dispatcher on the other end then confirmed it would be alright to send in the paramedics. A few moments later, two men in dark blue uniforms rushed through a side door with a stretcher and a bag of equipment. They took Felicity's vitals, strapping a blood pressure cuff around her arm while a stethoscope was pressed into the inside of her elbow.

One medic prodded the bruise forming just under her eye on her left cheek while the other softly pressed his fingers against her sides and back until she yelped in pain. Felicity jerked away from their touch, hissing before glancing at the spots that ached most. She grabbed the hem of her tank top and pulled it up to reveal a large, shoe shaped bruise on her right side that had rapidly turned deep shades of red and purple.

"I think we need to get her to the hospital as soon as possible," the medic told Dr. Fei. "I want to make sure she hasn't suffered from any kidney damage based on where these bruises are."

The doctor nodded and turned to Felicity. "Would you like me to come with you?" she asked.

"Please," Felicity weakly replied.

The paramedics lowered the stretcher and after looping their arms around her waist, hoisted her up and placed her on the mattress. Felicity immediately reached out, her hand seeking that of her therapist. Dr. Fei grabbed on to it and together they headed outside, back into the midday Las Vegas heat they all hated so much. She was loaded into the back of the ambulance and rushed off to the hospital a few miles away.

"Oh, my god, Felicity!" she heard her mother's voice as soon as the paramedics opened the doors and brought her out. Donna rushed to her side a moment later, replacing Dr. Fei and wrapping her hand around Felicity's tightly. "Are you okay, sweetheart? What happened? I got a call from the therapist's office saying you were attacked in the parking lot and nearly had a heart attack. And when the receptionist told me where they were taking you, I rushed right over."

"I'm sorry," was all Felicity could utter as another round of tears began falling from her eyes.

"Oh, honey!" Donna cooed, somehow managing to keep up with the paramedics in her sky high heels as they wheeled her into the emergency room. "You have nothing to be sorry for! I'm just glad you're okay and nothing bad happened to you." Her focus shifted to Dr. Fei as she asked, "Nothing bad happened to her, right?"

"I'm not sure," the doctor replied. "The paramedics wanted to bring her in just to get her checked out. She's got some bruising on her side and back and was also punched in the face. I saw the initial attack before running downstairs to help, but I'm pretty sure she'll be okay."

"Oh, thank god," Donna heaved a sigh of relief.

Doctors and nurses directed them through the labyrinth of hallways until they finally reached an empty room and unloaded Felicity onto another bed. The hospital staff took over her treatment, scurrying around her, taking her vitals yet again as they started firing off a series of questions that were meant to get information but made her feel overwhelmed.

"Felicity, can you tell me where it hurts?"

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad does it hurt?"

"Were you hurt anywhere else?"

All the questions suddenly being thrown at her made Felicity want to curl up into a little ball again. She couldn't take the amount of stress that hit her and burst into tears. "Stop!" she screamed, startling everyone in the room into silence. They stood for a moment, shocked by her outburst, before glancing at each other with dumbfounded expressions.

Only Dr. Fei seemed to understand what was going on and stepped up to the bed. "Hey, it's okay," she whispered, taking Felicity's hand and holding it tight. "They're trying to help."

"I know, but…" Felicity hiccupped, "but it's too much right now!"

"Can everyone give her a little space?" Dr. Fei yelled at the crowd gathered around them. "One question at a time," she ordered. "She's already under enough stress as it is. I don't want her going through a full blown meltdown."

Around them, the nurses nodded in agreement. One at a time, they stepped up to her bed and did as Dr. Fei asked.

"Can you tell me where it hurts?" the first nurse asked.

"M-my face… a-and my side… a-and m-my back," Felicity stuttered, pointing to each area as the nurse jotted them down for future reference. She examined each site, noting the bruising.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad does it hurt?" the nurse continued.

"Um… My face is a three, my side and back are about a seven to eight," Felicity answered, feeling a little less overwhelmed now that the hospital staff had backed off.

The nurse nodded, continuing to take her notes before looking up. "Okay, Felicity, we've got what we need for now. The doctor will be in to see you soon. She's probably going to want to run some tests. I'll be back later to check on you, okay?" she replied.

Felicity nodded. The room quickly cleared out leaving only her, Donna, and Dr. Fei. The two women had been standing back, allowing the nurses to do their jobs until the left. That's when her mother stepped up to the bed and took a seat on the edge near Felicity's hip.

"Oh, sweetheart," Donna softly sighed as she reached up and pushed back several errant strands of hair that had fallen out of Felicity's ponytail. "Everything will be okay. I promise. We'll get the guy who did this to you and lock him up just like those other bastards."

"Mom, please," Felicity begged, hoping to get her to stop. She didn't want to think about the last time she'd been attacked. Today had already been stressful enough as it was. The last thing she needed was to wade back into the events of that past December. Like she told Dr. Fei earlier, she just wasn't ready to deal with that yet.

"Okay," Donna replied, her fingers tracing over Felicity's cheek to wipe away the remnants of her tears. "You just rest until the doctor comes in to see you. Are you thirsty? Do you want me to get you some water?"

"Yes, please," Felicity mumbled. Her mother stood up and walked over to the sink. As she filled a plastic cup with water, Felicity saw movement out of the corner of her eye. This time, she was quick to whip her head around to find a casually dressed man and woman standing outside the door to her room. She could tell immediately tell they were police officers from the badges they wore around their necks and the silver cases they carried in their hands.

"Miss Smoak," the woman, who looked to be about Felicity's height and age with shoulder length blonde hair, gingerly stepped into the room. Her partner stayed at the door, cautious of the scene in front of them. Felicity nodded, her arms crossing over her chest as she waited for the woman to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm CSI Brody and this is my partner, CSI Sanders. We're here to talk to you about what happened today."

Felicity remained quiet as she nodded her head. _'Oh, god… Not again_ ,' she thought, the fear she'd been trying to tamp down returning to rear its ugly head again.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions and collect some evidence, if that's okay with you," the CSI said as she stepped closer to Felicity's bed, her footsteps sure and quiet.

Her arms tightened around her middle as she drew her knees up to her chest as far as they could go before the pain in her back and side stopped her. As much as Felicity didn't want to do this, she knew it was important. The last time it had happened, it was a traumatizing affair as Detective Quentin Lance questioned her about the assault in her hospital room. Since then, he'd been asking follow up questions, some which she still didn't have the courage to answer. The last time they'd talked, about two weeks earlier, she promised to call when she was ready.

Now, here she was, faced with another set of investigators who needed to take her statement. With both her mother and Dr. Fei present, Felicity felt that maybe this time she could get through it. After all, Mei had managed to get the nurses to back off when things got too overwhelming. Felicity hoped she would do the same with the police.

"Okay," she finally said, her voice coming out tiny and trembling.

"Thank you, Miss Smoak," CSI Brody replied, giving her a kind smile before closing the distance between them.

The other CSI then stepped into the room. He was about half a foot taller than his partner with spiky brown hair and clear blue eyes that looked at her sympathetically as he set his case down at the foot of her bed. Felicity remained still as the two CSI's began doing their work. Brody explained everything she did, from swabbing her cheek where the assailant had punched her to the reason why she was taking the tank top Felicity had worn that day as evidence because there was a bit of residue left of the man's shoe on the shirt.

It wasn't as frightening as she expected it to be. Both the CSI's were very sympathetic to her plight and careful with the way they handled her. Felicity slowly began to ease up, the tension leaving her body as CSI Brody finished bagging up the last sample and placed it in her silver case. The only thing left to do now was answer their questions before the doctor came into the room. She steeled herself, hoping this wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be.


	3. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is on the short side, but at least y'all are getting what you've been asking for. Hope you like it!

May in Starling City always started out cold and wet. As the winds blew in from off the ocean, they carried with them the moisture from the Pacific, dousing the city in several inches of rain and on rare occasions snow before moving eastward, leaving behind thick grey clouds that obscured the sun for days on end. Today was one of those days as Oliver Queen stared out the windows of his 39th floor executive suite near the top of the Queen Consolidated building.

As his eyes scanned over the bustling city below him, his mind wandered. These past four months had been the hardest he'd ever dealt with. His best friend's death almost six years prior paled in comparison to what Oliver felt now. Ice flowed through his veins, chilling him down to his core. The sadness, the loneliness that surrounded him put his heart in a deep freeze which only thawed when he thought about one person: Felicity Smoak.

There hadn't been anyone in his life Oliver had missed more. Although they had only just begun to know each other, her presence in his world had filled it with a brightness he'd never experienced before. She was the light in the darkness that had enveloped him ever since Tommy Merlyn's death. No one had ever touched him like Felicity had. No one had ever managed to see past his scars and healed his soul like she had.

And now she was gone, taken away from him by his own mistakes and clouded judgment. All Oliver wanted to do was take care of her, but instead, he'd pushed her away, and for that he was truly sorry. So much had happened in those days at his family's cottage following her release from the hospital. He'd tried to push her to talk to him, to tell him what was going on, but it had only caused Felicity to withdraw. Instead of helping to bring her out of the darkness, he'd pushed her toward it. The guilt he carried over his actions still followed him around like one of the dark clouds that hung over the city, only it felt more oppressive as it settled deep into his bones and reminded him day in and day out that the hell he was experiencing now was of his own making.

The only solace Oliver took from this was the fact that she still talked to him every once in a while. Felicity had still trusted him enough to give him her new phone number every time she changed it. She even responded to his texts. It was something to look forward to. Whenever he felt the loneliness overwhelm him, he could always send her a few words and she'd get back to him quickly with a few of her own.

Oliver reached for his phone, his palm itching with the need to text his former lover to see how she was doing, but he stopped himself. Whenever the need arose, he always placed his hand in his pocket and thought the idea through. There wasn't anything pressing he needed to talk to her about, there weren't any technical problems that needed to be solved. He just wanted to say hi, but he didn't want to bother her.

Felicity's life was different now that she had moved to Las Vegas. She had a job, one he knew was far beneath her but still involved doing what she loved. She had moved into a little house in a quiet neighborhood on the outskirts of town with her mother. It was something he was glad they had done. She needed all the peace and quiet she could get in order to heal not just the outer wounds, but the inner ones as well. Being away from the hustle and bustle of a large city helped, something he knew from experience.

Oliver also knew from secretly speaking with Donna that Felicity was getting the help she needed in order to move on with her life. There had been setbacks those first few weeks after she left, setbacks which nearly sent him flying to Las Vegas to see if there was anything he could do to help, but Donna had convinced him she could handle it. Reluctantly, he stayed in Starling, but only after she promised to keep him updated on her daughter's condition.

The temptation to call Donna hit him just as quickly as his need to text Felicity. Again, Oliver refrained, instead putting his focus on the sky outside his window. Paperwork sat on his desk waiting to be signed, but he still couldn't bring himself to sit down and do it. His mind lingered on the woman he still loved, pulling his thoughts away from his company. Even after all they had been through, even after she left for Vegas, his heart still ached for her. He knew that if she ever needed him, he would drop everything to be by her side.

"Mr. Queen, the papers for the Stellmoor International merger need to be signed and sent over to the legal department within the hour," Isabel said over the intercom, knocking Oliver out of his thoughts and forcing him to step away from the window.

"Thank you, Miss Rochev," he replied, taking a seat at his desk and reaching over to grab the stack of documents that had been sitting there all morning. Oliver carefully flipped through them, making sure he signed each space where his signature was required. After he finished, he called Isabel into his office and handed them to her. She sauntered out, her hips swaying, but his eyes focused on the window instead of her ass.

That seemed to be Isabel's thing lately; now that everyone knew Felicity was gone and possibly wouldn't be returning, all the women in the executive offices, young and old, were constantly trying to get his attention. Oliver found none of them appealing. His heart belonged to the babbling blonde in Las Vegas and no one else.

Just as he was about to get up and stand near the windows again, his cell phone rang. Oliver snatched it off the desk. One look at the screen and he felt his heart leap into his throat. "Donna," he answered.

"Oliver!"

He could tell by the tone of her voice that something was wrong. He'd heard it before, on the night Felicity had nearly taken her life. It quivered with fear, the depths of which Oliver understood all too well. It set his heart racing as he asked, "What's wrong? Is Felicity okay?"

"Someone attacked her in the parking lot of her therapist's office this afternoon," Donna hurriedly replied.

"What?!" Oliver shouted as he shot out of his seat. "Is she okay? Is she hurt?"

"We're at the hospital right now getting her checked out, but she wasn't hurt too badly, just kicked in the side and back and punched in the face from what she's told the investigators," Donna explained. "Thankfully her therapist saw the whole thing happen and went out to help her."

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, pacing back and forth in front of his desk as the door to his office opened. Oliver glanced up to find his bodyguard, John Diggle, stepping inside and taking his place against the wall near the door.

There was a long pause from Donna's end. The wait made Oliver anxious, the acid in his gut boiling and churning as he stopped in front of the window and let his head fall against it. The agony of knowing the woman he loved had been hurt yet again and being unable to do anything was slowly killing him, until Donna said, "I know she's going to get mad at me for doing this, but I really do think you should come here and spend a little time with her."

Oliver's eyes widened as he pushed himself off the cold glass. His palm remained there to keep himself propped up. The suggestion was unexpected, especially since Donna had kept him from seeing Felicity after she nearly died almost four months ago. Whatever happened today must have done something to rattle Felicity to the core. "Okay," he softly replied. "I'll be there some time this evening. Just keep me posted about what's going on and where to meet you. And please… please let her know I'm coming. I don't want this to be a surprise. She's been through enough already."

"Of course," Donna said. "I'll see you soon, hon."

"Bye, Donna."

"Bye, Oliver."

He pushed himself away from the window. With his mind reeling from the information Donna had just dumped on him, Oliver had a lot of things to do before he left the city that afternoon. He'd ask Raisa to pack a bag for him, but first he needed to do one thing. Scrolling through the list of names on his phone, he found the one he was looking for and dialed it.

"Sara, how soon can you meet me?" As hard as it was calling his ex-girlfriend and the woman who had caused him untold amounts of pain for the several months, Oliver knew it was necessary. He needed resources only Sara had access to, and although he remained angry at her for what she'd done to Felicity, this was one of the very few times her expertise would come in handy.

"Oliver?" his ex replied. She sounded confused, but there was no time for that. "What's going on? You haven't called me in months and then all of a sudden I see your name as my phone's ringing. What's up?"

"It's Felicity," he quickly answered, getting straight to the point. Now was not the time to beat around the bush.

"What?! What happened?" The genuine fear in Sara's voice surprised him, but Oliver was glad that she was taking this seriously instead of brushing it off. While they still needed to have a conversation about her actions toward Felicity, it could wait for a better time.

"She was attacked in Vegas today," Oliver relayed. "I'm headed out there right now, but I need something from you."

"Anything," Sara hastily replied.

"I need some of your best bodyguards," Oliver said. "You still owe her after what you did to her last year."

"You know as well as I do that I can't stop blaming myself for my actions, so don't hold it over me. I want her to be safe just as much as you do," Sara spat back. "Besides, I'm already a step ahead of you. I just sent a message to two of my best. Where do you want them to meet you?"

"The private airstrip where my family keeps the jet in two hours," he instructed. "And Sara…"

"What?"

"Thank you."

Oliver hung up without saying goodbye. Slipping the phone into his pocket, he strode toward the glass doors of his office and immediately made his way to Diggle. "Have the jet ready," he ordered as he walked past. "We're headed to Vegas."


	4. Chapter 4

"Miss Smoak?" an unfamiliar voice asked just as the CSI's left her room. They'd interviewed her and Dr. Fei, gotten as much information as the women could remember, then headed out to process what they had. While she was relieved they were gone, the fact remained that she'd been assaulted in broad daylight. And for what? Her purse… Why? She wanted an answer, but until they found the person who had done it, she wouldn't know.

"Hmm?" Felicity replied, the daze she'd been in lifting as soon as she heard the new voice. Her eyes locked with those of a short, stocky woman with light brown hair dressed in a green scrubs and a stethoscope around her neck.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Hadley and I'll be taking care of you this afternoon," the woman introduced herself. She slipped on a pair of blue latex gloves before striding over to Felicity's side. "I've looked at the nurse's notes in your chart and they tell me you're experiencing some pain in your side and back near your kidney. Is that correct?" Felicity nodded. "Could you roll onto your good side so I can take a look?"

Doing as she was told, Felicity rolled away from the doctor, giving her access to the open back of the hospital gown. The CSI's had just photographed the same area not even fifteen minutes earlier. It left her feeling doubly violated, just like her last assault, but with Dr. Fei sitting beside her to hold her hand, she managed to block out most of those negative feelings. But now, as the ER doctor began her examination, they popped up anew, forcing Felicity to squeeze Mei's fingers when things got too rough.

Dr. Hadley poked and prodded. A hiss of pain escaped Felicity's lips when she pressed too hard on a tender spot. "Ooh, okay," the doctor said. "I'm going to order an ultrasound of your kidney just to make sure it hasn't been ruptured and get you some pain meds. Sound good?"

Rolling onto her back, Felicity nodded once more. Tests and swabs and blood pressure cuffs were really starting to drive her nuts. She just wanted this day to be over already so she could go home and curl up in her bed and forget everything that had happened, but that wouldn't be the case with the nurses coming in almost every ten minutes to check on her. Whether it was to take her vitals or give her pain medications, one of them would always stop in, do something, then leave.

"You're getting frustrated, aren't you?" Mei asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Felicity grumbled. "If these doctors and nurses don't get these tests done soon, I'm going to lose my mind. Not to mention, my mom's been gone for a good half hour now. Where the hell did she go?"

"She told me she was going to get some coffee. She'll be back soon, don't worry."

"Coffee," Felicity snickered. "I'm almost willing to guess that as soon as she got her coffee, she started talking to some hot doctor in line."

"You don't know that," Mei replied.

"I wouldn't put it past her."

"Well, it is a big hospital."

"Are you seriously defending my mother?" Felicity fumed. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her therapist. "And why are you still here, anyway? Now that the CSI's are gone, you can head home."

"I'm here because I want to be," Mei patiently replied. "I've never witnessed anyone get attacked before. It scared me to think what he could have done to you, and for what? Your purse? It's a sad fact of life, one I'll never be able to understand, but I'm glad I was there for you. I want to make sure you're going to be okay after this."

Felicity sat there for a moment, staring at her therapist. It had been a really long time since she'd met anyone this genuine and caring. The last few people were the ones she'd left in Starling City. Not even her new coworkers were this nice, and she'd been working with them day in and day out for the past three and a half months.

"I'm sorry," Felicity quietly apologized as she stared down at her hand.

"Don't worry about it," Mei replied, waving her hand dismissively. "You've been under a lot of stress today. I can understand where your frustration is coming from."

"I just really wanna go home," Felicity quietly admitted. "I hate hospitals. They scare me."

Mei nodded. "Me, too," she said. "I watched my father die in a hospital back in China. That day changed my life." Felicity didn't say anything. She couldn't. Her mouth dropped as she stared at her therapist in shock. "Mugging," Mei continued. "They shot him for the one hundred and thirty Yuan he had in his pocket. That's what made me want to become a doctor. I wanted to help people, but I wasn't good with blood, so I became a therapist."

"Mei," Felicity whispered, "I am so sorry."

"Don't be," she replied with a sad smile. "It happened over ten years ago. My sister and I still had our mother, but it was hard for her to take care of us. She ended up working three jobs and we busted our asses in school in order to get scholarships. It paid off in the end, though. Both my sister and I graduated with the highest honors and we both went to medical school together."

"Are you and your sister still close?" Felicity asked.

"We call and text each other all the time. After grad school, she took a job in Starling City while I found one here. We try to see each other at least four times a year," Mei answered.

Felicity couldn't help but smile. Even sad stories had happy endings, she realized. If only that was true for her. It seemed as if life kept handing her too many lemons and she couldn't make lemonade fast enough. She sighed, thinking back to how all this got started, the exact point where her life went from somewhat bad to awful in mere moments. That night she was asked to have sex with a man for money got the ball rolling and it felt like it would never stop. She might not have been in the game any longer, but it still caught up with her, one way or another.

It made Felicity wonder what her life would have been like had she said no to that man. Would she and her mother still be living in poverty? Would Donna still be stuck in a dead end job at a casino that didn't pay her enough to support both her and her child? Would Felicity have finished high school, gone to college, gotten in trouble for what Cooper had done with her code? Would she have gotten that job at Queen Consolidated? Would she have met Oliver Queen and fallen in love with him?

Oliver... It seemed as if no matter where her mind went, it always found a way back to him. Through all the pain and all the strife, Felicity couldn't get her feelings for him to lessen. No matter how hard she tried, she was unable to let them go. And the longer they were apart, it seemed, the deeper they grew, like the roots of a tree taking hold deep in her heart. She wouldn't admit this to anyone, but she missed Oliver like crazy. She missed his beautiful blue eyes and the smile he reserved only for her. She missed his voice and the way he said her name. Most of all, she missed the way his arms wrapped around her and made her feel safe when the world came crashing down around her.

These were the memories that kept her going on the days where everything else seemed to fall apart. Even in her darkest moments, Felicity wondered what would have happened if she had gone through with the attempt to end it all. He would have been devastated. Oliver had already lost his best friend. She couldn't let him lose anyone else. That was the thought that made her hold back, made her ease up on the knife. She didn't want Oliver to suffer.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she heard Mei ask. Felicity's head shot up and she realized tears had leaked from her eyes. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand.

"I just really wanna go home," Felicity replied.

"I know. Just a little while longer," Mei tried to comfort her. "The doctor just needs to check your kidney and then you'll most likely be released if everything's okay."

"I hope so." Felicity gave her a watery smile as she squeezed her hand. She really did want to go home, but more than anything, she wanted to stop thinking about Oliver because thinking about him made her heart hurt. Taking a deep breath, she settled into the hospital bed to wait however long it took for the doctor to run the tests.

Just as she was about to get comfortable, Felicity spotted her mother walking down the hall toward her room with a very determined gait. Behind her, she saw a nurse and a technician pushing a cart with some kind of machine on it. The closer they got, the more Felicity could make out what it was: the ultrasound machine. She breathed a sigh of relief. Her terrible day was about to end and she'd be going home soon.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Donna said as she entered the room carrying a cup of coffee. "I couldn't find the cafeteria." She sat down in an unoccupied seat next to the bed, placing the cup on a small counter beside her. "Oh, and there's something I need to talk to you about."

Felicity cocked her head to the side. Just as she was about to ask what, the nurse and technician stepped inside, wheeling the ultrasound machine over to her bed. She didn't get a chance to ask her mother anything. There was a flurry of activity with the nurse asking her to roll up her gown so the technician could squirt some cold gel onto her stomach. The actual procedure began soon after that.

The room went quiet as the technician did her thing, scanning Felicity's abdomen and checking to make sure there wasn't any blood around her kidney that would indicate a rupture. As she moved the wand around, her hand stopped for a moment. A confused expression crossed the woman's face and she glanced up at the nurse.

"This is odd," she murmured, motioning for the nurse to look at the screen. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Oh…" the nurse breathed, her brows shooting up. "Miss Smoak, are you by any chance pregnant?"

Felicity stared at her in confusion. "Um… No," she answered.

The technician moved the wand further down her abdomen, near the scar that was a daily reminder of her assault, and pointed to the screen. Felicity glanced up. The blood drained from her face. There, on the grainy black and white monitor, was the silhouette of a tiny humanoid with hands and feet and a big, bulbous head. Its little heart fluttered in its chest, and when the technician pressed a few buttons on her keyboard, the whooshing of the blood pumping through its veins filled the room.

Time stopped as everyone in stared at the screen in disbelief. Pregnant? How was that even possible? She was on birth control, for crying out loud! Birth control that was almost one hundred percent effective at preventing pregnancy. The doctors and nurses in Starling had also given her medications to prevent this from happening, not to mention all the other painkillers, antidepressants, and anxiety she was on. She stared at the nurse, her head spinning, and only one question came to mind. "How?"

"I have no idea," the nurse replied. "I'm going to go get the doctor," she added, hurrying out of the room.

"Mom?!" Felicity frantically called out. Donna was at her side moments later, her arms wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close as the technician finished up her scan. "Oh, god," Felicity wept. Her face fell into her hands as tears spilled down her cheeks. She couldn't believe this was happening. Of all the things that could have come out of her assault, a baby was the least likely, yet here she was, pregnant and terrified. Who was the child's father? Could she even carry it to term knowing how it was conceived? Was she ready to consider aborting it?

"Felicity?" she heard Mei call her name and glanced up through the gaps in her fingers. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly scooting closer until she was right next to Donna. "I think I know how it might have happened," Mei said. "There are several possibilities. The implant could have been rendered less effective based on some of the medications you were given after the assault. It could have also been something in the drug you were given by your attackers. Some studies have even suggested it could have been your stress levels before, during, and after. I really can't give you a clear answer, but those are the most likely scenarios."

Mei rubbed gentle circles into Felicity's shin. "It'll be okay," she tried to sound comforting, but everything had just gone to hell in a hand basket. "You have options. Right now, though, are you okay?"

"How can I even be okay?!" Felicity wailed, her head lifting up sharply to glare at her doctor. "I'm fucking pregnant with one of my rapists' children! I don't think there will ever be a time where this is okay!" She let her face sink into her hands as she continued to cry.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Donna whispered. "I've got you." Felicity heard the crack in her voice. She was trying to be strong for her daughter, but they both knew there was only so much she could take. They had been through enough already, from the first assault at MIT to the one in Starling. This was the straw that would break the camel's back.

"This can't be happening!" Felicity cried into her mother's shirt as she held onto her tightly. "I don't know what to do!"

"Shhh," Donna whispered. "We'll figure it out." But Felicity knew she was just as lost and confused as she was. The pregnancy was a bombshell bigger than either of them could cope with.

"Felicity," Dr. Hadley said from where she stood in the doorway. Three heads shot up to stare at her. "I just reviewed the technician's findings. While your kidney looks fine, it seems that this pregnancy was unplanned. Since we don't know how far along you are, I'm having them take you upstairs for a consult with one of the obstetricians. The nurses will be here in just a few moments to take you to the maternity ward."

Everything happened quickly after that. Two nurses in purple scrubs stepped into the room and unlocked the wheels of Felicity's bed. They rolled her out into the hall with her mother and Mei in tow. Through quiet, winding hallways and an elevator, they finally wheeled her into another room on the third floor. It was a little larger than the one downstairs in the ER, but dimmer with pale pink walls and a private bathroom.

Not even a moment later, the doctor, a beautiful Asian woman with a heavy accent, introduced herself as Dr. Tatsu Yamashiro, and proceeded to begin Felicity's exam. She lost track of what was going on, her mind blanking out until the lights dimmed further and her mother squeezed her hand.

"Lay back, sweetie," Donna said. Felicity stared at her for a moment, eyes glazed, until she saw a nurse wheeling in a small machine.

"What's going on?" she asked, her head darting around the room, looking from face to face for an answer.

"I need to perform an ultrasound," Dr. Yamashiro answered in her soft, quiet voice. "It won't hurt. I promise."

"But I already had one downstairs," Felicity replied, trying to keep the terror out of her voice but failing. "Why do I need another one?"

"So that I can assess the health of you and your baby," the doctor told her as calmly as she could. "Downstairs they only took a quick picture to show me what they found. I'd like to do a more comprehensive exam to make sure everything is okay."

Felicity nodded. It was all she could do to keep from freaking out. The doctor pulled up her gown and smeared more gel onto her abdomen. "Dr. Hadley believes you might be around twenty weeks, so I'm skipping the transvaginal ultrasound and doing a transabdominal instead," Dr. Yamashiro explained. The wand was placed against her belly and soon it was being moved around.

Both Felicity and her mother stared at the screen as the doctor maneuvered the equipment until her hand stopped moving. There, on the screen, was an outline of the tiny human being once again. The doctor turned some knobs and switches and the machine began emitting a rhythmic _whooshing_ sound. Until that moment, Felicity had refused to believe this was possible. She had been in a state of denial downstairs after getting only a short glimpse of the thing inside her. Now, all doubt had been erased. She really was pregnant. The image on the screen and the sound of its heartbeat echoing through the room didn't lie.

Tears sprang from her eyes once again as she turned away, burying her face in her mother's shoulder as she cried. "No, no, no, no, no!" Felicity bawled. In less than three hours, her world had been turned upside down and inside out. Nothing could have prepared her for this or for the mixed feelings that suddenly overwhelmed her upon seeing a better image of the baby on the screen.

"I'll give you a few minutes," Dr. Yamashiro said as she pulled the wand away from Felicity's abdomen and placed it back in its cradle after wiping off the gel. She stepped out leaving the image of the baby to illuminate the room.

"This can't be happening!" Felicity cried into her mother's shirt. "I don't know what to do!"

"Right now, you don't have to do anything," Donna comforted. "As far as I know, you've got up to twenty-six weeks to make a decision on whether or not you want to keep this baby. You don't have to make any decisions now."

Felicity simply nodded her head while sitting up. Her mother handed her a wad of tissues to wipe the gel off her stomach before the gown dropped back into place. The room fell silent as they waited for Dr. Yamashiro to return. Strange feelings swirled inside Felicity's mind; anger and hatred mixed with love and compassion. There was a life growing inside her, one born out of terror and pain, but at the same time it was helpless and innocent.

All these conflicting feelings made Felicity want to stand up and pace the room. As much as she didn't want this baby, she couldn't bear the thought of killing it either. She knew there were other options, like giving it up for adoption once it had been born, but there were also the mental effects she was worried about. Would she grow to resent the pregnancy the further along it progressed? Would she realize it was a mistake past the point of no return and wish she hadn't done it? These were all things Felicity knew she needed to take into consideration, but there was just so much already going on that her brain couldn't process anything else.

The door opened, startling her out of her thoughts. She looked up to find Dr. Yamashiro standing there, a folder in her hands. "Given your probable date of conception was December eighth, it puts your due date at September fourth," the doctor said, her eyes scanning the papers in front of her. She glanced up to find Felicity staring at her. "This means you are at about twenty and a half to twenty-one weeks. From what I saw in the ultrasound, your baby looks healthy, but you need to gain more weight. By now, you should have gained at least ten to fifteen pounds based on your weight, but according to Dr. Hennings' notes, you've only gained about half that."

Dr. Yamashiro handed Felicity the open folder in her hands and began pointing things out as she spoke. "I have made some recommendations based on what you need in order to gain the proper amount of weight. They are all here in the packet," she said. She mentioned a few more things like the importance of folic acid, eating healthy, and staying away from things such a mercury and lead.

When all was said and done, Felicity still felt like a fish out of water. She stared at the papers in her hand, not quite comprehending everything, but knowing it was important. It wasn't until the doctor asked, "Do you have any questions for me?" that her head bobbed up, glassy eyes finally focusing.

"I… I don't know…" Felicity answered. She glanced over at her mother looking to see if she could provide guidance.

Donna stepped up immediately. "Felicity's on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. Can she keep taking them or will she need to switch to something else?"

Dr. Yamashiro looked back down at the chart in her hands. "With your daughter's history, it would be better to keep her on her current medication. Being on the same medications throughout the pregnancy would lower the chance of birth defects unless they become less effective."

"And what if she decides to terminate? How much time does she have before the option is no longer available?"

"Twenty-six weeks in the state of Nevada."

Nodding, Donna glanced over at her daughter. "I think that's all we needed to know right now," she politely replied. "Thank you, Doctor."

"You're welcome. And if you need anything else, please let me know. I'll call my office to set up her next appointment. I want to see her again in two weeks to monitor her progress." The doctor handed Donna her card before she turned and left the room.

They sat in silence for several minutes, the shock still evident on their faces as they glanced from the screen to Felicity's belly. If it hadn't been for the nurse walking in with her discharge papers, they probably would have stayed like that for a while. Felicity did her best to write her name on the blank spaces and listen as the nurse explained that she needed to stay off her feet the next few days, but it went through one ear and out the other.

Mei stepped in to hand her an oversized pair of hospital scrubs a moment later. She wandered back out to give them privacy, closing the door behind her. If it wasn't for her mother, she wouldn't have been able to put the scrubs on. Once fully dressed, Donna led her and Mei down the empty hallway and through the vacant waiting room out into the parking lot where she'd left her car.

Their first stop was Mei's office to drop her off before heading home. Felicity hadn't realized how much time had passed, but the sun had just begun to set on the horizon and the streets were light on traffic. Still in no shape to drive, Donna said, "I'll come get your car later," before pulling away from the office in the old BMW she'd kept ever since Felicity was little.

They parked in the driveway less than twenty minutes later, quietly walking up the pavement and into the garage with just the sound of the door echoing in the twilight as they entered the house. Felicity immediately went to her room and flopped down on her bed, curling her knees into her chest. She was exhausted, drained of all her energy, but in no mood to eat even though she knew she needed to. Today had taken everything out of her, leaving an empty shell behind.

More conflicting feelings swirled in her mind. Being pregnant felt like a slap in the face. As if being raped by her psycho ex-boyfriend and his accomplice wasn't bad enough, now she was bearing one of their children. Whether it was Cooper Seldon or Ray Palmer, she didn't know. In fact, Felicity preferred never to find out. Her life would be better off not knowing. Besides, it would make carrying this baby a hell of a lot easier. Then she could pretend like it didn't even have a father, that it was the product of a one night stand. But in the back of her mind, she'd always know.

Abortion and adoption seemed to be the two best options she had right now. Felicity couldn't believe she was even considering the former, but the mix of resentment and fear was strong. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her racing mind. It worked, but only for a little while. The thoughts would return every few minutes, and no amount of deep breathing would keep them at bay. She was terrified of what this meant for her in general. How would people see her now? Would they take pity on her or would she be ostracized?

Grabbing one of the pillows near her head, Felicity wrapped herself around it before burying her face into the soft lime green fabric. Tears sprung from her eyes as she thought about the consequences. Hiding an STD was much easier than hiding a baby. In a few more weeks, she would begin to show. A few months after that, baggy clothes wouldn't hid her bump. As fear spread its spiny tendrils through her body, she hugged the pillow tighter, sobbing into it until exhaustion finally overwhelmed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many people hate me right now? Show of hands. Also, if you want to bash me for what I just wrote, just fucking don't. I'll only delete your comment. Don't be an asshole. If this isn't your cup of tea, MOVE ON! Didn't your mama ever teach you: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.


	5. Chapter 5

When her alarm went off at six the next morning, Felicity turned it off instead of hitting the snooze button. She had no desire to get out of bed. She had no desire to go to work. Her life was a mess of epic proportions and she just wanted to be alone for a little while. Sleep pulled her back under, claiming her for another couple of hours before the scent of coffee wafted into her room. The aroma infiltrated her senses making her want to get out of bed even though she was no longer allowed to drink that dark, rich hug in a cup.

Grumbling, Felicity forced herself to get up and take a shower. She padded out of her room with her favorite pair of faded blue pajamas in hand along with a change of underwear. The green hospital scrubs were peeled off and thrown into the trash can. They just reminded her of the horrible day she'd had and keeping them was a bad idea. As warm water rained down over her body, she took a moment to examine the bruises. Each one was an angry purple and hurt to touch even lightly.

"Fucking bastard," Felicity muttered under her breath when she realized she could barely lift her arms to wash her hair. It was like having a dislocated shoulder all over again, only this time, she had no one to help her. Last year, it had been Oliver gently lathering up the shampoo then rinsing it away to leave her feeling clean and fresh. Today she would just have to struggle through it on her own.

With the dirt and grime from the previous day washed away, Felicity started to feel slightly better. She no longer smelled like sweat and antiseptic. Getting clean always felt good after days like yesterday, but as she stepped out of the shower and looked at her reflection in the mirror, she realized it wouldn't be that easy to get away from what had happened. Beneath her left cheek was another angry purple bruise, one she couldn't cover up as easily as the others. Not even make up would hide such a nasty shiner.

But that was only the half of it. When her stomach growled loudly, Felicity's hands fell over it. They stayed there, caressing the smooth plains of her abdomen as she wondered how a baby could be growing just beneath her scarred skin. In a few weeks it would start to expand, going from flat to round. The more she thought about it, the more confused her feelings became. Could she have this baby? The question was just as immense as being asked to recount her rape. Combining both would only make her head spin, so she decided to ignore them for now.

Felicity slipped into her pajamas then headed back to her room. Curling up in her bed, she closed her eyes once more. There was no place else she rather would have been. Her bed was a safe zone, filled with the warm, familiar scents of her childhood and her mother. If she didn't have to leave it today, she wouldn't.

Donna entered her room looking tired and disheveled, still wearing the same clothes from the previous day. She carried two mugs with her, both piping hot, only one contained coffee while the other had two bags of chamomile tea floating inside, judging by the tags dangling against the side of the cup. Setting them down on the nightstand beside her bed, Donna stared at her daughter, her hands on her hips.

"You look like shit," Felicity deadpanned without lifting her head from her pillow.

"You would too if you spent the night sitting in front of your daughter's door to make sure she didn't do anything stupid," Donna retorted. She stretched her arms over her head and Felicity could hear the pops and clicks her back made as she worked out the kinks.

"So you didn't go to work?"

"Nope," Donna said, popping the _p_. "Had one of the girls cover for me so I could stay with you."

For the first time all morning, Felicity smiled. "Thanks, Mom," she replied. She reached out, taking her mother's hand and pulling her into the queen sized. Donna tucked her daughter's hair behind her ear and smiled back. "I know I've put you through hell, but I'm so glad you're here right now."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," Donna said. She wrapped her arms around Felicity's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug.

That was all she could really ask for right now: her mother's love and knowing that no matter what happened it would always be there to keep her anchored. It made the situation a little more bearable. Donna was there to support her, no matter what decision she made. Whether she brought the baby into the world or not, her mom had her back.

"I don't wanna go to work today," Felicity mumbled. "I just wanna stay home."

"You don't have to," Donna replied. "I'll call your boss and let her know what happened yesterday. Sound good?"

"Mmm, yes. Thank you," Felicity replied.

As Donna got up to grab her phone from the other room, Felicity reached for hers on the nightstand. She hadn't checked it since the previous day and soon noticed there were eight missed calls, four voicemails, and fifteen texts. The texts were mostly from her mother trying to reach her after she'd been taken to the ER. There were some from work asking if she could help out with technical issues they were having. But the one that stood out was from Oliver.

Her finger hovered over his name as she pondered whether it would be a good idea to read it. Something in the back of her mind told her it was important, but Felicity couldn't bring herself to do it. Not yet, at least. After yesterday, she didn't want her past rearing its ugly head again. Besides, if it was important, he would have call. Pulling up her log, she found that that he had, at around eight the previous night, and that one of the voicemails was from him.

Now Felicity knew it was important. With shaky hands, she typed in the pass code to her voicemail and began listening to each of her messages until the final one: his.

"Hi, Felicity," Oliver said in that gravelly tone that always made her heart do little somersaults in her chest. God, she missed his voice, missed the way he said her name, enunciating each syllable so that it sounded like a song on his lips. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. Your mom called me earlier and told me you were… Something happened to you this afternoon in a parking lot. I called because I was worried about you. I know it's been awhile since we talked and really, I just wanted to hear your voice. But you're not answering and I'm getting a little scared. Could you please call me back?"

"Alright, you are all set with work today," Donna said as she stepped back into the room, her eyes focused on the iPhone in her hands. When she looked up, she found Felicity staring at her phone, back rigid, the look of uncertainty scrawled across her face. "Honey, what's wrong?" she immediately asked, stepping up to her and wrapping an arm around her waist as she put cell on the nightstand beside the coffee mugs.

Felicity glanced up at her mother, still wide eyed with shock. "Oliver called and left a voicemail," she said.

"Oh…" Donna breathed. A strange expression crossed her face, one Felicity had seen only a handful of times: guilt. "What did he say?"

"He was checking up on me because you called to tell him what happened yesterday," Felicity answered. "Why would you do that, Mom? Especially without telling me!"

"I was going to tell you yesterday," Donna confessed. "But then the nurse came in with the ultrasound machine and all hell broke loose. I swear, Felicity, had I known what would happen, I never would have called him or asked him to come out here."

Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. Felicity shoved her mother away and stood up. "You asked him to come here?!" she shouted. "Mom! Why?! Why would you do that?! You know I've been having a hard time dealing with everything! Why would you ask my _ex-boyfriend_ to come out here when you knew I wasn't ready to see him?!"

"Because we've both been worried about you!" Donna snapped. "After you nearly killed yourself back in January, I couldn't handle the stress, so I called Oliver. I just needed someone to talk to, someone who was going through the same thing I was."

"I can't believe you… Of all the people you could turn to, you had to turn to him, the one person who constantly reminds me of the hell I went through!" Felicity shot back.

"But you're not the only one to go through it! Cooper and Ray didn't just rape you! They raped me and they raped Oliver! They took away the one thing we loved most: you! We have gone through the depths of hell with you, only we've never been allowed to show it because we knew what it would do to you. So stop thinking you're the only one who's been hurt by this!"

Silence enveloped the room as the reality of Donna's words sank in. Felicity had never thought about things that way. She hadn't realized her rapists' actions had caused pain to people other than herself. Donna had been her rock through all this, standing tall when Felicity couldn't handle what life threw at her. Little did she know her mother was in her own version of hell all because of what Cooper and Ray had done.

Hearing her mother say what had probably been on her mind for months really opened her eyes, especially when she took Oliver into account. He, too, had fallen into the depths hell, only his had to be worse considering he'd been the one to find Felicity in the midst of it happening. The things he'd seen, the things he'd done… She couldn't even begin to fathom what he'd been through.

Her expression softened, the fight leaving her body as she slumped back into bed. Eyes filled with tears, Felicity let her head drop into her hands. Her shoulders began to shake with her silent sobs as Donna sat down beside her. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," she began to apologize, but Felicity stopped her.

"No, Mom, it's okay," she replied, giving her mother a watery smile. "I needed to hear that. I never considered what happened to me could affect you too. I'm so sorry."

Donna immediately wrapped her in a hug, pulling Felicity into her chest as they both began to cry. "Now do you understand why I called him?" she asked.

"Yeah," Felicity nodded. She pulled away from her mother's arms, wiping her tears on the sleeve of her shirt. "I still don't know if I'm ready to see him, though."

"And you won't if you don't try." Donna nudged her to get up.

It was a monumental task considering everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, but Felicity rolled herself into a sitting position. She reached out for her phone, but Donna stopped her. "You don't have to do that," she said.

"Why?" Felicity asked.

"Because Oliver's kinda… already… here," Donna replied, that guilty expression finding its way on her face again.

" ** _Mom!_** " Felicity shrieked as she shot out of her bed and ran to her closet. "I just took a shower! I barely look presentable! How could he already be here?!"

"His flight came in last night," her mother confessed. "And I, maybe, invited him over for breakfast this morning after he offered to cook."

"Oh, my god, Mom!" Felicity groaned, digging through the racks and storage boxes looking for something to wear. "You're unbelievable!" She found her favorite pair of faded skinny jeans all the way in the back along with a grey tank top and her favorite short sleeve emerald green knit top. This would probably be the last time she'd fit into the outfit for a while, she realized before her head shot up and she turned to her mother.

"Does he know about… this?" Felicity frantically asked as she pointed to her stomach.

"No," Donna answered. "That's not my secret to tell."

"At least you did one thing right," Felicity muttered under breath as she kicked her mother out of her room to change. While the jeans were a little tight, her top did a great job concealing the fact that she left the top button open. Taking a deep breath, she looked at herself in the mirror and noticed the large bruise under her eye. Make up wasn't going to cover that thing and since Oliver already knew what had happened, there was no point hiding it.

But there was one thing that she needed to conceal: the long red scar that spanned horizontally across her left wrist. It was the only thing Felicity didn't want him, or anyone else for that matter, to see. She grabbed her favorite green ribbon bracelet and wrapped it around the old wound, making sure it was fully covered before stepping back from her vanity. One final look in the mirror confirmed that she looked presentable, even with the messy ponytail she'd put her hair up in and the ugly purple bruise under her eye.

The moment of truth had finally arrived. Felicity reached out and grabbed the door handle, twisting it until the hollow plywood swung open. Just a few feet away in the kitchen stood her mother and her ex-boyfriend. All she had to do was walk in there. It took everything in her power to keep the anxiety at bay, but she finally took that first step and left the sanctity of her room.

As she slowly walked down the hall, Felicity could hear her mother's voice yapping away happily without pause. Thinking back, it was the first time she'd heard Donna genuinely laugh in a while. Maybe, just maybe, having Oliver here would help her do the same. Her heart ached remembering those carefree and exciting times they had shared last November when everything was so new and so different. What she wouldn't give to recapture that feeling.

The archway that led into the kitchen was a step away. Felicity hid behind it for a moment to rein in her rattling nerves. She didn't want Oliver to see the way her hands shook so she stuffed them into the pockets of her jeans. Feeling slightly less anxious, she finally rounded the corner and entered the kitchen.

Donna sat at the table, smiling as she cradled another cup of coffee. Just a few feet to her left stood Oliver, his body angled sideways as he plated pancakes onto a large serving dish and sprinkled them with powdered sugar. A little got on his thumb and he stealthily licked it away, but Felicity noticed immediately. Her eyes were drawn to his hands, the hands that had held her so close when she needed him; the same hands that had helped push her away when things became unbearable.

She leaned against the wall, unsure whether she should announce her presence or wait until someone noticed her. It didn't take long for the latter to happen. Oliver's shoulders tensed. His head shot up and to the side, eyes narrowing on her. The move startled Felicity, but she stood her ground, her eyes meeting his instantly. They stood there for a moment, trapped between two worlds: the past and the present. Neither one moved.

Felicity could hear the blood rushing in her ears, feel it pumping through her veins, taste it on her tongue as she bit the inside of her cheek. A mix of anxious curiosity and intense longing flooded through her. Seeing Oliver for the first time in four months felt exactly like she expected it to feel, and then some. She had expected the pull on her heartstrings and the longing, but she hadn't expected the ferocity with which they gripped her.

The inescapable desire to run to him and wrap her arms around him nearly had Felicity pushing herself off the wall, but by sheer willpower alone she stayed put, her eyes focused solely on him, wondering if he felt it too. This magnetic pull was one she'd only read about in books. She never expected to feel it in real life, but there she was, hopelessly pining for the man that stood only a few feet away.

As if reading her mind, Oliver set the pan he'd been holding down on the stovetop and turned toward her. He, too, seemed to be battling the urge to reach out. It gave Felicity some time to study him, to really see him in all his pining glory, something she never thought she'd witness.

The first things she noticed were the dark circles under his eyes. He looked perpetually exhausted, like he hadn't slept in months, and it suddenly hit her that he probably hadn't, just like her. Oliver also looked thinner. Like a castaway returning from a deserted island, his skin clung tight to his muscles giving him an even leaner appearance than she remembered. His cheeks were a little hollower, his hips narrower, and the jeans she remembered fitting snugly to his massive thighs hung just a tad too loose. Even his white t-shirt, which would normally outline each and every one of his defined muscles, looked big on him.

"Felicity," he finally breathed, knocking her out of her trance. It was deeper and breathier than she remembered, striking a chord she hadn't felt since before the attack. A pang of lust jolted straight to her core, another reminder of days gone by. It was followed by the sweetest agony she'd ever felt: pain and longing mixed with pure and utter joy at having him so close she could almost touch him. And she wanted to. Dear god, she wanted to. It was her dreams coming to life and consuming her. Felicity could barely breathe. Her chest tightened as she continued to stare at him, so shocked and confused by all the feelings coursing through her.

"Hi, Oliver," she finally whispered.

It was as if a dam had broken. He closed the distance between them in two long strides, startling her into bumping up against the wall. Oliver stopped just inches away, pulling back slightly to give her room to breathe. Felicity appreciated that he could see when he was crossing a line and making her uncomfortable. The little step back was enough space to ease the tension in her body and allow her to relax slightly. All her emotions still swirled around her like a hurricane, but at least now she could move. And she did, sidestepping him to make her way to the table.

Being so close to Oliver made her a little uneasy. As much as she wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight, Felicity knew she wasn't ready. Not yet. She still needed time to adjust to him being here, in her space. It would take time, but eventually, things would calm down. For now, she decided to avoid physical contact.

"Good morning, hon," Donna said as she wrapped an arm around her daughter's waist and pulled her in for a sideways hug even though they'd been hugging all morning. Unfortunately, she picked the wrong spot to touch her and Felicity hissed in pain, jumping away a moment later. "Oh, my god! I'm so sorry, sweetheart!"

"It's okay! I'm okay!" Felicity quickly recovered as she placed her hand over the injury and rubbed gingerly. She definitely could have gone for a stronger painkiller than Tylenol, but doctor's orders told her she wasn't allowed to take anything else or risk the baby's health.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Oliver standing frozen in the middle of their small kitchen, unsure of what to do. He looked like he wanted to help, to be useful, but there wasn't anything he could do. "A-Are you sure?" he stuttered, his hands latching onto the countertop for purchase.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Felicity answered. She gingerly sat down on the chair next to her mother and added, "Nothing some Tylenol won't fix."

"Tylenol… Are you sure you don't want something stronger?" Oliver replied. "Because you should be on Vicodin at the very least."

"Just some Tylenol," she said between gritted teeth.

It looked like Oliver was about to argue when Donna stepped in to referee. "I'll get you some," she said. "Just sit tight."

"How about a cup of coffee?" He quickly moved on, grabbing a mug off the rack and setting it down on the counter just as he took the pot off the warming plate.

"No!" Felicity practically yelled, forcing him to pause mid-pour. The expression on Oliver's face was one of complete and utter confusion. "I mean, I'd rather have orange juice this morning," she softly added, schooling her features.

"But you always drink coffee in the morning," Oliver countered.

"Maybe I don't want coffee this morning." She shot him a glare, one meant to silence him, but he kept staring at her in confusion. Felicity tried to push back her irritation, but it seemed impossible that morning. With the influx of emotions and the addition of pregnancy hormones, it was hard not to let it get to her.

"Here you go, sweetheart," Donna interrupted, setting down two oblong white pills on the placemat in front of her along with a large glass of orange juice.

Felicity sighed in relief as she swallowed them down. Her mother knew exactly when to get in the middle of a tense situation and mediate, and that's exactly what she was doing now. The motherly instincts she once hated were now coming in handy.

If Oliver was going to add something, he kept it to himself, placing the coffee pot back on the warming plate and the mug back on the rack. He quietly grabbed the tray of pancakes and placed them on the table between the two women before taking a seat across from them. The rest of their breakfast consisted of sausage, scrambled eggs, toast, and fresh fruit. After distributing it amongst themselves, they silently dug in.

"So, Oliver, how have you been?" Donna cheerily asked after taking a bite of her eggs. "How are things in Starling?"

"Good," he replied. "My parents are coming back from their year-long vacation in a couple of weeks. It'll be nice to see them in person again instead of on a computer screen."

"That's fantastic!" she exclaimed a little too happily for it to be genuine. Donna was trying, Felicity could tell, but tension still hung in the air thick and heavy like a raincloud.

"How about you?" Oliver asked. He took a bite of his syrup laden pancakes before his eyes settled on Felicity. "How have you been?"

Instead of replying, she stuffed another forkful of sausage into her mouth, averting the heaviness of his gaze.

"Good," Donna answered for her. "I mean, aside from the craziness of yesterday, everything's been quiet. We've both got decent jobs. I work at night while Felicity takes the day shift. It's not as bad as it sounds. I've always worked nights so I'm used to it. Felicity's doing the same old computer stuff she's always done. The pay isn't as good as it was when she worked for you, but we make enough to get by."

Felicity kicked her mother under the table in an attempt to get her to stop, but Donna was on a roll. She shot Felicity a stealthy glare before continuing, "We've also had our ups and downs, but we're managing. The doctor put Felicity on some great medications and she's been doing well ever since her attempted..."

"Mom!" Felicity hissed, her fork dropping from her hand and clattering onto her half empty plate. "That's none of anybody's business!"

"But it's true!" Donna defended. "You're doing so much-"

"Mom," Felicity interrupted. "I don't want to talk about this, so drop it, okay?"

"I'm just trying to say I'm proud of what you've-"

"Mom, enough!" Felicity roared, slamming her hand down on the table.

The room became deathly silent as both Oliver and Donna stared at her. She huffed out a few ragged breaths before closing her eyes in an effort to calm her frayed nerves. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "Can we please just finish breakfast?" Overwhelmed and emotional, her voice cracked at the end and Felicity immediately let her head drop. She eyed her half empty plate. Picking up her fork, she began slowly eating again.

"Felicity, are you alright?" Oliver softly asked. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him reach out, but his hand stopped midway and fell onto the table just inches from her own.

"I'm alright," she quickly replied while barely glancing up at him. "Why wouldn't I be alright?" her voice took on a sarcastic tone as she waved her fork in the air, her irritation becoming obvious.

"I don't know," he countered. Silence fell over the table again, and it lasted for a few moments before Oliver added, "You just don't seem like yourself."

A dark laugh bubbled up from her throat as her head shot up sharply. With narrowed eyes, she glared up at him. "I don't seem like myself?" Felicity slowly shot back. "Of course I don't seem like myself!" she shouted. "I haven't seemed like myself since Cooper and Ray kidnapped me! I haven't seemed like myself since they raped me! The Felicity you knew six months ago no longer exists, Oliver! That's why I don't seem like myself! So I'm sorry if I'm not the girl you think you fell in love with. I'm sorry I'm not living up to your expectations of who I used to be! She's gone and she's not coming back!"

Felicity shot off her chair and ran out of the kitchen straight for the front door. As she went to grab her keys, she realized her car wasn't in the driveway. It was still parked outside Dr. Fei's office. Instead, she took her mother's keys out of the bowl before slipping into her favorite pair of flats and throwing open the front door. She didn't stop running until she slammed the door to the old BMW shut and turned on the engine. Her heart pounded in her chest as a steady stream of tears fell down her cheeks.

With the car in reverse, Felicity pulled out of the driveway and sped down the quiet street, tires squealing. She didn't care that neighbors stopped on their morning walks to stare at her as she drove by or that she might be the topic of interest among the gossip-mongers. All she wanted was to get away from her mother and her ex and be alone for a while.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE:**
> 
> This is going to be the last chapter I post for a while. Last week was an extremely stressful one and I ended up in the hospital with a pinched nerve in my shoulder while suffering a severe anxiety attack that left me dizzy and nauseated for almost an entire day.
> 
> The coming week is an extremely busy one with a math test on Tuesday and my sister's bridal shower on Saturday. The stress of all these events has forced me to take some time off from writing.
> 
> I really need some time to rest and recharge and let my new meds kick in before I can get back into the groove again. My stress levels are so high that I'm barely functioning like a normal person right now, so please don't be upset. I really need a few weeks to maybe a couple of months to get my life back under control again.
> 
> I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Chase

Felicity headed out of town, far away from the glitz and the glam, far away from the people and the flashing lights. When she was younger and needed to get out of the city, she'd drive out to Lake Mead and spend some time there sitting on the edge of one of the many docks along the lake sunning herself. Today seemed like the perfect day to do just that. She wanted to take her mind off everything that was going on in her life.

With a little over an hour to kill, Felicity turned up the radio to her favorite top forty station and rolled down the windows to let the hot desert winds blast her face. As she headed east on Lake Mead Parkway, her eyes spotted a black sedan with tinted windows following closely behind her. At first she thought nothing of it, that it was probably some celebrity headed for the Westin off Lake Las Vegas, but as she passed the exit for the resort, the car kept following.

Curiosity quickly turned to suspicion. Felicity tried to keep calm by telling herself the person was probably headed to the Callville Bay Resort, but when she turned right onto 8 Mile Rd and the car kept following her, suspicion turned into paranoia. She went all the way down to the nearly deserted beach, her heart pounding in her chest, and stopped. The car pulled up alongside her and for a moment, Felicity felt like putting the car quickly in reverse before speeding out of there as fast as she could. But then she saw who got out of the sedan.

Her jaw dropped, eyes nearly popping out of her head. The familiar smiling face of the burly African American man dressed in a black suit had Felicity nearly jumping out of her own car. "Dig!" she cried out, running to her former bodyguard and enveloping him in an awkward hug. With her bruised side, she could only get her arms halfway around him, but he covered the rest of the distance, completely drowning her in his embrace.

"What are you doing here?" Felicity asked once they pulled away from each other. "And why were you following me? You practically scared me to death!"

"I'm sorry, but boss's orders," Diggle replied, still smiling.

Her face fell. "You're working for Oliver now, aren't you?"

"That is correct," he answered. "Sorry to disappoint you, but after what happened, both Sara and I felt it was necessary to keep an eye on him."

"What do you mean, 'what happened'?" Felicity asked.

"Is there anywhere around here to get some food or maybe a cup of coffee?" Diggle said. "Because this is a bit of a long story."

"Yeah. You wanna follow me?"

"Lead the way."

They got into their respective cars and Felicity navigated them back to Lake Mead Parkway, taking them to the Westin they had passed earlier. After parking in the hotel's lot, she led them inside to the Marrakesh Express for a drink. Each ordered something different. Diggle got a hot cup of coffee while Felicity decided on a healthy smoothie packed with all the vitamins and minerals her doctor had recommended she begin taking. Which reminded her, she needed to run to the store and pick up prenatal vitamins.

Filing that thought away for later, they found a table in the farthest corner of the café away from the rest of the crowds where it was a little quieter. They sat across from each other and as Diggle poured cream and sugar into his coffee, Felicity found herself tentatively asking, "What's going on with Oliver?"

"He hasn't been doing very well since you left," he answered, sipping from his cup to test the temperature before putting it back down on the table. Too hot, she surmised, slurping on her drink from its bright pink straw. "He's lost a lot of weight and he can't seem to focus on his job. I'm pretty sure that's the reason why his parents are cutting their trip short. Queen Consolidated stock prices have begun to sink to their lowest levels in years."

"Oh…" Felicity replied. They fell into silence, each drinking their beverages until she spoke up again. "I noticed he looked a little thin when I saw him this morning. I didn't realize that was the reason. Has he said anything to you about what's been going on?"

"He mentions how much he misses you on almost a daily basis," Diggle said with a small chuckle. "I didn't think I'd ever live to see the day Oliver Queen became smitten with someone, but that's what's happening right now. He's got it pretty bad for you and it's got him pretty messed up."

Felicity nodded.

"I'm not saying this to try and persuade you to come back or anything, but I think you need to know, just as much as he needs to know what's going on with you." Diggle eyed the thick bracelet around her left wrist before taking another sip of his coffee.

Her lips turned into a thin line as she took her arm off the table and let it fall into her lap. "I really don't think that's a good idea," Felicity said.

"Why isn't it a good idea?" he asked. "You're in therapy, right? Isn't this something your therapist suggests doing?"

"How could you possibly even know that?"

"I've been in your shoes, Felicity. After three tours in Iraq, I'd seen my fair share of terrible things. As soon as I came home, the first thing the army did was set me up with a psychologist. It didn't take at first, but I kept at it until something finally clicked," Diggle explained. "It wasn't easy, talking about what I'd been through, what had me so freaked out some nights that I could barely sleep. I did it, though, and as I look back on that now, I'm glad I did. I wouldn't be the person I am today."

With a sigh, Felicity said, "My therapist has been trying to get me to talk about what happened for the past few months, even more after the stupid thing I did…"

"Trying to kill yourself?"

Felicity slumped back in her chair. She couldn't look at him and instead started to play with the bracelet that hid her scar. "How did you know?" she finally asked.

"I was there when your mother called Oliver," Diggle said. "I think that was the first time I'd ever seen him look so helpless. When she told him not to come out here, he lost it. Punched clean through a wall and broke a few fingers. I didn't think Oliver could get any more desperate than that. It was worse than when he found you after… the incident."

Felicity put down her cup and stared at him with wide, glassy eyes. This was all new information for her and it took some time to digest. Had she known Oliver was suffering like that, maybe she would have considered seeing him, or at least talking to him, sooner. It was so much to take in all at once. Her heart broke hearing about what he was going through, and then her mother's words came back to her.

_"Cooper and Ray didn't just rape you! They raped me and they raped Oliver! They took away the one thing we loved most: you! So stop thinking you're the only one who's been hurt by this!"_

Her head fell into her hands as she tried to hold back her tears, but it was no use. The callous words she'd said to Oliver just an hour earlier came back to haunt her. _"I haven't seemed like myself since Cooper and Ray kidnapped me! I haven't seemed like myself since they raped me! The Felicity you knew six months ago no longer exists, Oliver! That's why I don't seem like myself! So I'm sorry if I'm not the girl you think you fell in love with. I'm sorry I'm not living up to your expectations of who I used to be! She's gone and she's not coming back!"_

They looped through her mind, over and over again, reminding her of how much of a bitch she'd been to the one man that had loved her through thick and thin. Oliver really had been just trying to help her, to understand her, and she'd pushed him away, violently. Felicity's heart ached. She couldn't believe how much she'd hurt him. This was one of those situations where she'd understand if he up and left without saying goodbye. She deserved it after all the things she'd said.

A large hand on her shoulder made her look up to find Diggle leaning across the tiny round table in an effort to comfort her. "I'm sorry, Felicity. I didn't mean-"

"No, it's okay," she sniffled. "Thank you for telling me. I didn't know. I didn't even bother to ask… God, I'm such a horrible person."

"No, you're not," Diggle replied. "You've been through more than anyone can possibly imagine. It's going to take time for you to get back on your feet and feel normal again."

"How long did it take you?"

"A couple years, and I'm still not one hundred percent. I'm not the same person I was before the war, but I've learned that's okay. It's all part of moving on with your life."

Felicity sighed heavily. "I feel like I'm stuck, though. I feel like I can't move on, I can't get closure for what Cooper and Ray did to me. They might be in jail, but…" She paused, taking a moment to choose her words carefully. She didn't want to risk accidentally telling Diggle about the baby. "There are a lot of things happening right now, things that I feel are completely out of my control and no matter what I do, trying to stop them from happening is something I can't fathom."

"We all get hung up on things. It'll take time, but you'll move past it."

"Not this," Felicity replied matter-of-factly.

Diggle put his coffee down and studied her for a few long, tension filled seconds. Felicity didn't like the scrutiny with which he stared at her, as if he was trying to figure out what was going on, what she wasn't saying. He held her gaze for a long moment before dropping it back down to his coffee. "Is it an STD?" he quietly asked.

"No," Felicity answered. She was in no mood to play twenty questions, and after taking a sip of her smoothie, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. At first, she attributed the sheer number of potty breaks she'd been taking over the last few months to the gallon of water she drank daily as part of her diet, but now knowing it was something else made her wonder how many people would take notice if they became even more frequent. It was unsettling, to say the least.

Returning to the table a few minutes later, Felicity sat down and immediately grabbed her drink once more. It was nearly empty, and suddenly she had the urge to not only get a second one, but to also order something to eat as well. The little food she had for breakfast hadn't been enough to fill her up. She needed more, especially since her stomach was starting to growl at the thought of eating.

"Are you hungry?" Felicity asked in an effort to not only mask her pregnancy cravings but stay away from their original topic of conversation.

"No," Diggle replied. "Didn't you have breakfast?"

"I did, but I kinda left halfway through and didn't get to finish eating," she said. "I'm gonna go order something. Do you want anything?"

"Nah, I'm good with my coffee," he answered.

Stepping up to the counter, the menu above her head offered a slew of delicious, healthy options, and they all sounded really good to her hungry tummy. When the cashier asked her what she wanted, Felicity rambled off a laundry list of items. Almost anything was game off the menu, including a second, extra large smoothie with extra strawberries.

When she returned to the table with the bigger drink in her hand and an order number in her pocket, Diggle stared at her for a moment. The strange look in his eye was one of curiosity mixed with something Felicity couldn't name. It wasn't until he said, "Thirsty much?" that she understood what it was: realization.

The blood drained from her face as she sat down. It took her a moment to recover before she finally replied, "I'm always thirsty. Training to run a marathon later this year will do that to you."

"Uh, huh," he skeptically responded, his eyes finally settling on her waist once she sat down. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Felicity nearly choked on her drink as her head whipped up to stare back at him with wide eyes. Fear seeped into every inch of her body. How could he possibly know that?

"You keep forgetting I've got a wife who gave birth to my beautiful baby girl about a year ago," Diggle said. "I've learned a thing or two about pregnant women, especially after I saw how much food you just ordered. It's eclectic and more than enough for two."

"Please don't tell Oliver," were the first words out of her mouth.

"Your secret's safe with me," he solemnly replied.

There was a long pause between them, one heavy with unspoken words. "But you think I should tell him," Felicity offered.

"I wasn't going to say that," Diggle replied with a shake of his head. "But now that you mention it, I really don't have an opinion on it. What I wanted to ask was why you decided to keep it."

"I only found out yesterday," she confessed. "I really don't know what to do. I'm… conflicted, you know? Like, I knew this was a possibility when I worked at Verdant, and I was prepared to deal with things back then. I had a plan. Abortion wasn't something I was ever against. I'm pro-choice all the way. But now, being pregnant, knowing there's a child growing inside me, a child that I didn't want because it came out of such horrible circumstances, I feel torn between wanting to get rid of it and giving it a chance. I never thought I'd feel that way. I never realized how big of a decision an abortion truly is. I mean, this is a life, and even though it came from tragedy, I have this intense desire not to let it die before it's even gotten a chance to live."

"I don't really know what to say aside from I'm proud of you for not freaking out."

"Oh, I freaked out last night," Felicity assured him. "Seriously freaked out, as in cried like a baby after the initial shock then went straight to bed without showering or eating or even changing into pajamas…"

"I'm talking about right now. You're dealing with this with a clear head instead of being impulsive. You're thinking about your options," Diggle commended. "I know you've been through a hell of a lot these past few months, but this right here? It shows me you're making progress and that you're doing way better than you give yourself credit for. Whatever happens in these next few months, whether or not you keep this baby, I'm pretty sure you'll be okay."

A smile crew on Felicity's face and she said, "Thanks, Dig. That means a lot."

"To be completely honest with you, I was scared for a while about whether or not you were going to get through this. When I heard you attempted suicide, I thought for sure we were going to lose you. I'm glad to see I was wrong."

Felicity stood up and rounded the table. She threw her arms around his neck and gave him the biggest hug she could muster in her current state. While her side ached moving even an inch in the wrong direction, hugging Diggle was something she was happy to do. His kind words and confidence in her made the day just a little more bearable.

As she stepped away from him, one of the café's employees stopped at their table with a large tray of food. She set down each dish between them before kindly saying, "Enjoy your meal!" then scurried off back into the kitchen. Felicity took one look at the spread and her stomach growled. She heard Diggle chuckle quietly and shot him a glare before digging into her feast. The food went down fast and within fifteen minutes, most of the plates were clean and there was only a piece of crusty bread and a few bites of salad left. She devoured them before wiping her mouth with a napkin and taking one last large gulp of her smoothie.

Across from her, Diggle said, "That was pretty impressive. I think you've got my wife beat in the eating department."

Felicity giggled as she replied, "Don't be such an ass!"

He held up his arms and said, "I'm just being honest."

"To quote one of my favorite movie lines of all time: 'You keep saying shit like that, you're gonna get punched,'" she retorted, unable to stop laughing.

"You ready to head back?" Diggle asked.

Felicity sighed. "Not yet," she said.

"Still don't think you're ready?" he replied.

"No," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest and staring down at her lap. Felicity had a feeling she was about to get a talking to but really had no desire to listen.

She kept her head down as Diggle continued, "No one is ever really ready to do anything. You just gotta get up and go do it. The faster you do, the better you'll feel once it's finally over."

With a deep sigh, she looked up at him and nodded. "Fine… I'll go get it over with now so I won't have to keep putting it off for later," Felicity relented.

They left the restaurant, heading west until they reached the Las Vegas suburbs and Felicity's home. As she parked in the driveway, she took a moment to gather her courage for what was to come. Facing Oliver and telling him what was going on wouldn't be an easy task. Still, she was willing to try. Hopefully he hadn't left like she expected him to. There was only one way to find out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few things before you get into the meat of this chapter:
> 
> 1\. Updates will be much less frequent. This month is INSANELY busy for me. I've got a banquet this weekend and my sister's wedding next weekend followed by Orthodox Easter the weekend after that. My time to write and post is greatly diminished with all these things, so don't expect anything in the next few weeks.
> 
> 2\. I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER. While this whole wedding thing has been stressful, it's the home stretch, so it's ALMOST OVER! That's one huge stress factor finally resolved. Which brings me to the other:
> 
> 3\. I HAVE A NEW JOB THAT I LOVE AND NEVER WANT TO LEAVE!!! I'm so happy here. My boss is awesome. His family (who works with him) is awesome and very nice. The clients are all really nice to work with. Oh, and I'm also getting paid WELL! WITH THE OPTION TO GET A RAISE IN 6 MONTHS! THIS IS MY DREAM JOB GUYS! I'm doing what I love and getting paid for it how I'm supposed to be paid! I'm super excited!
> 
> Anyway, onto the story...

The television was on when Felicity opened the front door as slowly and quietly as she could. Slipping off her shoes, she stepped onto the soft cream carpet of the living room and glanced around to see where everyone was. From where she stood, Donna was nowhere to be found, but she suspected her mother was probably in her bedroom. On the couch sat Oliver leaning into the armrest with his legs propped up on the coffee table and his arms crossed over his chest. Beneath his head was one of the small decorative pillows that usually sat on the couch cushions.

He was sound asleep and Felicity didn't have the heart to wake him. Oliver had looked so exhausted earlier that she decided to let him rest for the time being. Their conversation could happen later. Right now, he needed some sleep. If what she'd heard from Diggle was true, Oliver hadn't had a decent night's rest in a very long time. Her heart squeezed in her chest and those conflicting feelings she'd been trying to ignore came back with a vengeance.

Instead of letting them consume her, Felicity went to her room and grabbed one of her extra throw blankets. Returning to the living room, she draped it over Oliver's sleeping form, being extremely careful not to wake him. There was a split second where she wanted to reach out and massage away the crinkle between his brows, but she refrained. Her hand fell to her side before she left the living room and headed for the kitchen.

Felicity hadn't taken her medications that morning. Reaching into the cabinet where they sat, she grabbed one of each then noticed a new bottle beside them: prenatal vitamins. With a slight bit of hesitation, she grabbed the container and stared at it for a moment before reading the ingredients. They had everything the doctor said she would need like extra calcium, iron, and folic acid. Opening the bottle, she shook one out into her hand and stared at it.

'It's a fucking horse pill,' Felicity thought as she examined the large red capsule between her fingers. It was bigger than any of the other medications she'd taken over the years and wondered how that would go down her throat.

"Oh, I see you found the vitamins I picked up for you last night," Donna said from behind her.

With a squeak of surprise, Felicity turned around, one hand on her chest while the other gripped the pill tightly. "Jesus, Mom!" she quietly hissed, remembering that Oliver was asleep just a few feet away in the living room. "Don't _do_ that!" She turned back around and grabbed her glass of water. The vitamin went down easier than she expected it to.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Donna apologetically replied. Her chin came to rest against Felicity's shoulder as she added, "I'm also sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have said anything."

"I forgive you," Felicity said, leaning into her mother for a backwards hug before stealthily hiding the vitamin bottle at the back of the cabinet so if anyone looked inside, they wouldn't see it.

"I was really hoping things between you and Oliver would go smoothly, you know?" Donna said. "I just want to see you happy again, and you were so happy with him. When you were in the hospital, you lit up like Christmas whenever he walked into the room. I miss seeing that look on your face."

Felicity sighed deeply. She missed those moments, too, but she still couldn't admit it out loud, not while things were still so tense between her and Oliver. They had things to resolve, a great deal of issues that they were never able to face. After her chat with Diggle, she felt a little more confident that maybe now they could start walking down that path. "I know, Mom," she replied.

"I talked to Oliver after you left," Donna continued. "He told me he would leave if you didn't feel comfortable having him around."

It broke Felicity's heart to hear that. She knew Oliver would respect her wishes. He hadn't called at all in the past four months even though she'd given him her new number. Since she left Starling, Felicity had changed it twice. The first time had been to keep the press out of her life and her business. They had somehow gotten her Starling number after the incident, prompting her to quickly get rid of it. The incessant calls stopped for a little while before they somehow managed to get a hold of her new number. That prompted the second change.

Felicity had put the new number under an alias and only shared it with a very tiny circle of people that included Oliver. He'd been respectful, only texting her every once in awhile just to say hi or ask her a question about something computer related. Calling only happened if it was important, and the first and only time he'd called the new number had been last night, for obvious reasons. If their positions had been switched and he was the one in the hospital, Felicity knew she probably would have called him just to see how he was doing.

"I'll talk to him later," Felicity said. "Just let him sleep for now. We've both had a crazy couple of days and he looks like he hasn't slept in a while."

"He hasn't," Donna confirmed. Felicity shot her a look as she turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. "What? He mentioned it while we were talking. That's why I convinced him to stay a little longer. He's been sleeping for almost two hours now, the poor thing. I don't think he's gotten a decent night's sleep in over four months."

Felicity just rolled her eyes and shook her head. She didn't need another guilt trip from her mother after the one Diggle had sent her on. "I'm gonna go take a nap," she said, striding out of the kitchen before Donna could force her to stick around any longer and talk about Oliver.

In her room, Felicity curled up in her bed and closed her eyes, quickly drifting off after realizing just how exhausting her day had been. But her nap wouldn't be a restful one. The nightmares that had begun to plague her in Starling hadn't abated. They were better with therapy and her medications, but sometimes they'd get so bad, she would find herself shooting out of bed in a cold sweat, panting hard with her heart racing.

This nightmare revolved around her attacker and he wasn't trying to steal her purse. Felicity dreamed of being knocked unconscious and waking up in a warehouse, arms and legs bound to a chair with a gag around her mouth. Her attacker stood a few feet away, icy blue eyes staring down at her. There was a sneer on his lips, one that sent a chill down her spine. And when he advanced on her, a long, double serrated survival knife appeared in his hand. He began to slice through her clothes, ripping them to shreds until they fell off her body.

Felicity tried to scream behind her gag, tried to cry out for help, but it was no use. She was helpless and at the mercy of her captor. A river of tears fell from her eyes as she tried to beg him to stop, not to hurt her, but he kept going, the cold blade of the knife tearing her clothes to shreds with incredible precision. Down to her panties and bra, Felicity began to tremble with fear.

'Not again!' she thought.

"Serve your purpose, cunt!" he sneered at her, taking off his black ski mask to reveal the man beneath it.

Felicity's blood ran cold upon realizing it was Cooper Seldon. She struggled against her bonds, hoping she had enough strength to break through them, but his hand wrapped around her throat, squeezing it tightly and forcing her to stop. She whimpered, several more tears streaking down her face as he forced her to look up at him.

"Dirty slut," Cooper spat. "That's all you'll ever be; a dirty, worthless whore for me to use as I please." Then his free hand slipped beneath her shredded panties and Felicity screamed.

"Felicity? Felicity! Wake up!" Somewhere off in the distance she could hear the faint voice calling her name. While she couldn't figure out who it was, Felicity slowly felt her bounds begin to break as consciousness finally pulled her out of the dream. Then she felt a hand shaking her shoulder. The touch forced her out of the last visages of the nightmare and she sat up with a gasp, eyes wide and heart racing, glancing wilding around the room until she found the person responsible for freeing her from the terror.

"Oliver?" Her voice trembled as she spoke, eyes focusing on him where he knelt at her bedside. His hair and clothes were disheveled, like he'd gotten out of bed without bothering to look at a mirror. His breathing was ragged, much like her own. The terror Felicity saw in his eyes mirrored her own and she knew almost instantly that her cries for help had roused him from his slumber.

"Are you okay?" Oliver hesitantly asked, his voice soft and low, contradicting the fear she could still see present in his gaze.

Felicity shook her head. The nightmare still had a firm grasp on her. She wanted to reach out and take comfort in his arms as she had only a few months earlier, but it felt wrong, like she was crossing an unspoken boundary that still remained between them. Grabbing the blanket she'd thrown aside, she wrapped it around her shoulders, holding onto it tightly as Oliver remained kneeling only a foot away.

"Do you… Do you want me to call your mom?" he asked.

As much as she wanted her mother right now, Felicity shook her head again. She didn't want to bother her. Donna had dealt with enough of her nightmares, just like Oliver had. Instead, Felicity decided to try and deal with this one on her own. "Can I have a glass of water?" she quietly replied.

"Yeah, of course," Oliver said. He gave her a warm smile before getting up off his knees and stepping out of her room. He returned a few minutes later with a glass in his hand. As he passed it to her, Felicity's fingertips brushed against his. For a moment, they both paused. This was the first time they'd touched in over four months and it felt just as electric as it had the first time.

She ignored it, focusing on drinking as much water as she could before setting the glass down on her nightstand and curling up beneath her blanket. A glance out the window let Felicity know it was early evening. The sun would be going down soon, ending yet another awkward and emotionally draining day. She should have been resting, not doing anything at all, but instead here she was, completely exhausted even after her nap and feeling as if the world was caving in on her.

"Do you need anything else?" Oliver asked.

"No, I'm okay," Felicity answered with a tiny smile. He began to reach out as if to stroke back the strands of her hair that had fallen over her face, but quickly withdrew his hand. It dropped to his side and balled into a fist as he turned to walk out of the room.

"Are you sure you don't need anything? Are you hungry?" Oliver turned back to face her again, his shoulder leaning against the door as he gazed at Felicity with what she could only describe as hope. He wanted to help her, wanted to be useful. It was that same behavior that tore them apart and made her heart ache.

But then her stomach decided to betray her and growled loudly in protest. Felicity couldn't deny she was hungry, and now that her body made the fact rather obvious, she couldn't say no. "A little," she finally confessed.

The smile that lit up Oliver's face had her heart instantly melting. So much time had passed since Felicity had seen that smile, felt the warmth that radiated from it, that she couldn't help herself. She smiled, too. The strange thing: it actually felt nice to smile, not just at him but in general. There were so few things that made her want to anymore, and apparently this was one of them.

Oliver pushed off the door and said, "Sit tight. I'll whip up something. Any preferences?"

The pregnancy cravings immediately kicked in. "Mac and cheese, and maybe a hot dog?" Felicity replied.

"Coming right up." Again he smiled before turning and leaving the room.

Felicity curled into her pillow, tucking her arms around it and pressing her face into the soft cotton. Without makeup on, there was no need to be careful. She just needed a few moments to herself before having to face Oliver again. He was being so incredibly sweet even after everything she'd said to him earlier that day. It was a testament to just how much he still cared about her. No matter how much she pushed, he pushed back with equal force, making it damn near impossible to make any headway with their current situation.

The soft _knock, knock, knock_ on the doorframe forced Felicity's head to fly up. She hadn't realized she'd dozed off until then. Seeing Oliver standing at her door, she swiped her hand over her face to get rid of the last remnants of sleep before rolling out of bed. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"You're fine," Oliver replied with a soft smile. He followed her into the kitchen where she stopped abruptly to stare at the spread in front of her.

A casserole dish sat in the middle of the little dining room table filled with what looked like gourmet mac and cheese. It was topped with breadcrumbs and melted cheddar that made a delicious crust on top. Beside it was a small pile of grilled hot dogs and buns, condiments off to the side in a neat row. Two plates and sets of silverware, two glasses, and a bottle of her favorite red finished off the table, making Felicity's jaw drop.

"Okay, who are you and what did you do with the real Oliver Queen?" she asked, folding her arms over her chest and turning to stare at him in utter shock.

"What?" he retorted. "I enjoy cooking."

"Just like you enjoy archery?" Felicity shot back, raising an eyebrow as a smirk appeared on her face. Teasing felt like the best way to break the ice as they sat down to eat. Oliver even pulled out her chair, making Felicity feel only slightly uncomfortable until he rounded the table and took his seat.

"By the way, where's my mom?" she questioned.

"She got called into work early. Something about one of the other waitresses calling in sick," Oliver replied.

He grabbed the wine bottle and began to pour some into Felicity's glass, but she stopped him almost immediately. "I can't drink," she said, only to get another confused look from him. She had to come up with a cover and the first thing that came to mind was, "I'm on medication."

"Oh, shit! Sorry," Oliver apologized, quickly swapping out her glass with his before getting up to find her another drink. "Is soda okay?" he asked once he opened the refrigerator door.

"Actually, I'm also trying to stay away from all the sugar," Felicity answered. It technically wasn't a lie. Before finding out she was pregnant, her diet had consisted mostly of healthy foods. Soda had been a weekend indulgence, and even then she'd only drink about half a glass. "Could I get some water, please?"

Oliver grabbed the filtered pitcher from inside the fridge and brought it back to the table, pouring her a glass before setting it down. Grabbing the serving spoon from beside the mac and cheese, he took Felicity's plate and began scooping some onto it. "Tell me when."

After two heaping spoonfuls, she said, "When," and he set her plate back down in front of her. "This looks absolutely delicious," Felicity commented as she grabbed one of the hot dogs and placed it next to her mac and cheese. "Seriously, though, when did you learn how to cook?"

"I took cooking as an elective in college," Oliver sheepishly replied.

"You've been holding out on me, haven't you?" she ribbed him, slathering mustard, relish, and onions on top of her hot dog. A slice of tomato, a pickle, and a hot pepper completed her classic Chicago style dog. Felicity took a bite and sighed happily. She didn't realize just how hungry she was until that moment. "Mmm, this is so good," she added between bites.

"I'm glad you like it."

"So, why have you kept your cooking prowess such a closely guarded secret? I bet Raisa would like a few days off every once in a while."

"Because I like being lazy when I get home."

"Terrible excuse," Felicity said just before taking a bite of the mac and cheese. "Oh... Em… Eff… Gee… This is amazing!" She shoveled an even bigger spoonful into her mother, savoring the melted, gooey goodness. "You have to tell me what's in here, like, now."

"Macaroni and cheese," Oliver retorted.

"Asshole!" she shot back, giggling. "Seriously, though, I taste cheddar. What else?"

"Gruyere, asiago, and fontina," he finally admitted.

"No wonder it's so good," Felicity praised. "It's not that powdered stuff that comes out of the box, or that cheese sauce you stick in the microwave."

"Both of those are a travesty and I will never, ever allow anyone to eat them while I'm around."

"I'm glad you're here, then."

The room immediately fell into silence as Felicity realized what she'd said. Her head snapped up to find Oliver staring at her, a thoughtful expression on his face. She could feel her heart begin to race as she tried to backtrack, but in truth, it was nice having him around. But it was also strange. After four months apart with little to no contact, sitting down to eat a meal with him felt just like it had before their world was turned upside down.

"Felicity," Oliver said at the same his name rolled off her lips. They both chuckled before he spoke. "You first."

Felicity nodded and put her fork down. "About earlier," she began.

"Don't worry about it," he replied.

"No, I'm not going to let you sweep this under the rug," Felicity admonished. "What I said this morning was out of line and I want to apologize. I shouldn't have yelled at you, and I'm sorry."

He was thoughtful for a moment, gazing at her with those soft blue eyes from across the table. "I forgive you," Oliver said.

"Your turn."

He didn't hesitate. "I've missed you. It hasn't been the same without you around. I've been trying to move forward, to get past what happened to us, what happened to _you_ , but I just can't. I've been seeing my therapist on almost a daily basis because I've been so frustrated and so angry lately that I broke two of my fingers punching through a wall when I found out you tried to… you know."

Her eyes automatically drifted down and Felicity noticed the tape wrapped around his middle and ring fingers, holding them together like a makeshift splint. "Oh, my god, Oliver…" she whispered, reaching out to take his hand before she realized what she was doing. Her fingers had already slipped beneath his when the enormity of the gesture hit her. It was too late to pull back. Her eyes flicked up to find him staring back at her, his jaw hanging open slightly.

The warmth of Oliver's touch drew her back to his hand and she slowly lifted it up, careful not to squeeze as she brought it closer. Upon further examination, Felicity didn't see much damage. The bruising had probably healed weeks ago. But that didn't mean it stopped hurting. Just like the pain she still felt in her shoulder, brushing her thumb over the tape made his hand flex. Oliver had always been much better at hiding his pain and that little twitch was the only thing that told her it still hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver," Felicity whispered as she let go of his hand. So many emotions were clouding her mind at that moment: sadness, helplessness, hurt. They spun a tangled web around her heart, squeezing it in her chest until she felt like she was choking.

"Felicity…" he breathed, and that gentle sigh of her name added one more emotion to the mix: longing. This time, Oliver reached out and placed his hand over hers, trapping her fingers beneath his. He brushed the calloused tips over the soft skin of her wrist where it met the green ribbon of her bracelet. "It's not your fault."

"Of course it's my fault!" Felicity protested. "I was the one who tried to slit her wrist in an effort to deal with something I felt was beyond my control."

"It's _not_ your fault," Oliver repeated, slower this time as he looked her straight in the eyes. He took her hand and raised it to eye level then gently pulled back the ribbon. As his thumb brushed over the scar, he added, "Cooper and Ray did this to you. It's their fault. They put you… put _us_ through hell for some sick and twisted vendetta. That's why I got angry. That's why I punched a hole through a wall. And that's why I broke my fingers. It was _not_ because you wanted the pain to go away."

"I still feel responsible," she replied.

"I don't blame you," he said, squeezing her hand. "I know what it's like wanting the pain to go away. After Tommy's death, I nearly overdosed on heroin and cocaine. If my mother hadn't found me and dragged my ass to rehab, I wouldn't be here right now." Felicity looked down at their joined hands. Oliver's thumb continued to sweep over her scar as if trying to brush it away with just his touch. "It'll get better, Felicity. I promise you. Right now, it feels like it won't because the wound is still fresh, but give it time."

The telltale pinpricks of tears forming in her eyes had Felicity pulling away and looking down at her plate. She didn't know what part of Oliver's speech had made her so emotional, but she could feel the sincerity and earnestness in his voice. He _wanted_ her to be okay. He _wanted_ her to get better. But he still didn't even know the half of it.

Felicity desperately wanted to tell him about the baby, but the innate fear that came with it paralyzed her. What if he got angry again? What if he stormed out? What if he left and never came back? A solitary tear dripped down her cheek and landed in her plate.

"Hey," Oliver whispered. He reached across the table again and this time his hand found its way to her face.

"I'm sorry," Felicity muttered as she pulled away and ran for the bathroom. She couldn't deal with this. Not right now. Oliver was far too good for her. He didn't deserve the mess of a person she'd become. The bathroom door slammed shut, rattling the mirror hung on the wall over the sink.

Felicity sank down into the bath tub and curled her knees into her chest as much as she could before the pain of her injuries stopped them. A deep, gut wrenching sob escaped her throat before she could bury her face in her hands. It echoed through the tiny tiled room like the knock that came at the door a moment later.

"Felicity, are you alright?" Oliver called from behind it.

The knob began to turn and she shouted, "Don't come in here!"

"I won't! I won't!" he quickly yelled back, letting go of the door. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I'm sorry if I said anything that upset you."

More tears streamed down her cheeks as Felicity buried her face in her hands and began to cry harder. The more caring and compassionate Oliver was toward her, the worse she felt. Why did everything have to be so messed up? She must have asked herself that question about a thousand times. It wouldn't be a surprise if she asked it a thousand more. Her life was a twisted, tangled mess and all she wanted to do was curl up and go away for a while.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DATE FIXED: Instead of April 26th, the date SHOULD be June 27th. PLEASE TAKE NOTE!
> 
> So I'm not 100% sure if I got all the legal stuff right in this chapter. If I didn't, PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO FIX IT! That's what I'm really concerned about.
> 
> FYI, I don't know if I'll be able to respond to reviews like I used to. I'll try, but I make no guarantees. Also, I know I said I'd be updating more frequently last month, but a LOT of stuff happened, so this story got pushed to the back burner. I'm hoping to fix that this month. And one more thing, my presence on tumblr is basically non-existent. I just don't feel comfortable there anymore. I'm irritated with a whole slew of people there and I just don't want to deal with anymore. I apologize to all of you following me. I wish there was some way to avoid this, but such is life.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter.

Felicity didn't know when she fell asleep. What she did know: her body was no longer curled up in the tub. She was somewhere soft and warm, with a pillow under her head and a blanket wrapped around her body. Cracking open one eye, she found herself in her bed with only a sliver of daylight peeking through her curtains. Somewhere close by she could hear the faint sound of snoring. It was too close to be from outside her door so she glanced around the room to find Oliver sitting in her desk chair with his feet propped up on the edge of her bed.

The first thought that came to her mind was 'He's going to be really sore when he wakes up.' Then Felicity realized she and Oliver were sleeping in the same room together and that she wasn't freaking out about it. Instead, a strange calm settled over her as if having him there somehow managed to make her feel safe and secure. It was a terrifying thought to have considering what had happened last night.

Sitting upright, Felicity pushed back the mass of tangled blonde hair away from her face. She reached for her phone on the nightstand to find it was close to six in the morning. But that wasn't what caught her attention. She really needed to go to the bathroom. Tiptoeing out of her room, she headed straight for the toilet to empty her bladder before she dealt with the missed calls and voicemails.

Once she finally felt relief, Felicity headed back to her room, hoping to slip into bed without disturbing Oliver, but as soon as she pulled the blanket over her shoulders, she heard him move. Muted pops and clicks of bones being set back into place made her cringe. Then his feet moved off the bed and he stood with a yawn.

"I know you're awake," Oliver said.

"How?" Felicity replied as she pushed the blanket back down to look at him.

"I heard you go to the bathroom."

"Oh…" Heavy silence, the kind that made Felicity want to fill the air with words, fell over them. She bit her lip and began playing with a stray piece of string hanging from the edge of her blanket. When the silence became deafening, she finally said, "About last night…"

Oliver's eyes shot to hers and that weighty gaze made the butterflies in her stomach flutter to life. How could someone just look at her and make her feel like they were reaching into her soul? Felicity pressed on, ignoring the tingle that ran up her spine when he turned his whole body toward her. "I'm sorry for running out on you like that. It's just been really strange having you here and combined with what you said last night, it got to be a little too much for me, so I bolted," she said.

"I probably should have just kept my mouth shut, huh?" Oliver replied.

"There's just a lot going on that you don't know about, stuff that I couldn't begin to explain even if I wanted to. It all just hit me full force last night," Felicity explained.

"You know, if you want someone to talk to…"

"I talk to my therapist," she interrupted, not realizing just how harsh it came out. The hurt that came over Oliver's face made her heart ache and she quickly backtracked. "And it's not because I want to. It's because I have to. And I'm not making this any better…" Felicity sucked in a breath to regroup. "Look, Oliver, I don't want to be a burden to you," Felicity said. "You and I, we've been through a hell of a lot in these past few months. We're both still trying to recover and heal. My problems are… extensive. The last thing I want to do is weigh you down with them."

"You've never been a burden to me, Felicity," came his thoughtful replied as he took a seat on the edge of her bed.

"I can't help but feel like I have," she admitted, staring down at her blanket.

"You aren't and you never were," Oliver replied, scooting closer, until his thigh brushed her knee, then he stopped. "If anything, you made my life so much better."

"But, how?" Felicity interrupted. Her eyes locked on his. She could see he wanted to stop her, but she was already on a roll. "I don't understand. I can't figure out what even drew you to me in the first place and why, after everything I've put you through, you're still here. Why am I so special? I'm just the mousey I.T. girl whose life got completely and irrevocably fucked up."

A smile lit up Oliver's face as he reached out to take her hand. "You were so much more than that," he said. His thumb brushed across her knuckles, the calloused pad sending little jolts of electricity up and down her arm. "You were this bright light that helped illuminate the darkness I constantly felt around me. And I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me you're not that person anymore. But, Felicity, I can see it still see it in your eyes." His other hand reached out to cup her cheek, lifting her head slightly so they could stare at each other. "You haven't lost your spark. It just dimmed a little and needs some fuel to grow again."

"God, Oliver, I swear, all these inspirational speeches are going to be the death of me," Felicity joked even though she could feel tears well behind her eyes. She was used to this kind of talk coming from her therapist, but from Oliver? It was strange but oddly reassuring that he still cared about her as much as he did.

'Yeah, for now. When he finds out about the baby, he's probably going to change his tune,' she reminded herself.

"Felicity?" Oliver's voice calling her name snapped her out of her dark thoughts.

"Hmm? What?" she replied.

"I ask if you wanted anything for breakfast," he repeated. "You looked like you zoned out for a second there."

"Yeah, sorry," Felicity sheepishly apologized. "It happens sometimes. I get stuck up… here." She waved her hand over her head, indicating what she meant even though he probably already understood.

Oliver nodded. "So, breakfast?"

"Yes! Please. I'd love some breakfast," she said, giving him a genuine smile. As they rolled off her bed, Felicity's phone chimed with an incoming call. A glance at the caller ID showed a Las Vegas area code and a somewhat familiar number she'd seen a few times earlier. Oliver paused at the door as she answered it.

"Hello, Miss Smoak?" the woman on the other end said.

"Yes," Felicity replied.

"I'm Clara calling from Dr. Hennings' office regarding your blood test results."

Felicity glanced over at Oliver. He stood in the doorway, his shoulder pressed to the frame as he waited for her to follow. Waving her hand, she wordlessly told him to go on, and he left a moment later, giving her privacy to finish her phone call.

"Did everything come back normal?" Felicity asked once the door closed behind him.

"For the most part, everything came back normal. You're still negative for almost all sexually transmitted diseases, so that's the good news," the woman said. "But your hCG levels are very high indicating…"

"That I'm pregnant," Felicity finished for her.

"Yes, how did you…?"

"Two days ago, I was assaulted outside my therapist's office and as a precaution the emergency room doctor did an ultrasound of my kidney. That's how I found out I was pregnant," Felicity interrupted her again, explaining the situation while she was at it. No matter how many times she said it, the fact that there was a baby growing inside her still felt strange to say.

"Oh, uh…" the woman on the other end stuttered. "Would you like to schedule a follow up appointment with Dr. Hennings?"

"I've already scheduled an appointment with an obstetrician, but if she wants to see me too, then that's fine."

"Actually, the follow up appointment would be for any injuries that resulted from the assault. You mentioned a kidney ultrasound…"

"Oh!" Felicity replied. "Yes, I got pretty banged up along my side and back. I'm pretty sure the discharge paperwork mentioned something about scheduling an appointment. Might as well do it now."

"I can put you in for next Thursday at noon. Would that work for you?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, that's fine."

They went over the finer details like Felicity's date of birth, her address, and her insurance before all was said and done. With her appointment scheduled, she hung up and put the phone back down on her nightstand. For a moment, she considered leaving it there, but since she hadn't been to work in a couple of days, it was better to bring it with her just in case her coworkers had any questions regarding computers repairs that were beyond their capabilities.

The job she'd taken at Tech Geniuses was menial at best, but it offered flexible hours and health insurance, two things Felicity needed with the life she currently lived. Her bosses were great and understanding of her situation, immediately recognizing her from television the day she'd walked in for the interview and not asking about what had happened. That was her second reason for taking the job. From that point on, day in and day out, she worked on cleaning up crashed computers, helping customers with over-the-phone tech support, or putting electronics together. She like it, but the challenge wasn't there. The itch to do more remained, but she just didn't know if she could handle that much responsibility yet.

Walking into the kitchen, the scent of cinnamon hit Felicity immediately. She threw a questioning glance at Oliver, wondering what he could possibly be making that smelled so delicious. Her eyes then drifted to the oven. Inside was a pan of plump cinnamon rolls, all gooey and bubbling. "Did you just…?" she started to ask.

"No," Oliver answered before she could finish what she was saying. "I found the canned stuff in the back of the fridge. It's just a week shy of the expiration date so I figured I'd make them. I hope that's okay with you."

"You hope that's okay with me?" Felicity retorted. "You're talking about a woman whose mother fed her nachos off the bar menu at Caesar's before she was even two. Of course I'm okay with it. Besides, they smell absolutely amazing!"

The content smile that appeared on his face was enough to make her insides melt. And as if that wasn't enough, Oliver replied, "I am making the icing from scratch, though."

"Are you trying to impress me again with your cooking prowess? Because I'm pretty sure we established that I was thoroughly amazed by it last night," Felicity said.

"No. I just want you to enjoy breakfast."

"I swear, Oliver, you're probably trying to fatten me up." Felicity giggled at her own joke but quickly stopped when her phone began to ring again. This time the number had a Starling City area code attached to it. The dread must have shown on her face because soon Oliver was standing beside her also glancing at her phone.

"Answer it," he immediately said. Her head shot up, brows knit in confusion. "It's the DA's office."

"Wait… What?! Why is the District Attorney calling me?"

"Because she asked me for your number," Oliver answered.

Again, she shot him another questioning look, but answered the phone. "Hello?" Felicity hesitantly said, holding the phone to her ear.

"Hi, Miss Smoak?" came the soft, delicate voice on the other end of the phone.

"Speaking."

"My name is Laurel Lance and I'm the Assistant District Attorney for Starling City," the woman introduced herself.

Laurel Lance… As in Sara Lance's sister? As in Oliver's ex girlfriend? Felicity could feel the headache already pounding between her eyes. How could things get this complicated in such a short amount of time? Narrowing her eyes at Oliver, she replied, "Hello, Miss Lance. How can I help you?"

"I'm calling because your case is headed to trial next month."

"Okay, so what does that mean for me?" Felicity asked. She paced the kitchen floor, her thumbnail bitten between her teeth as she tried not to freak out about it. How could there be a trial so early? Didn't it usually take over a year to gather evidence, interview witnesses, and do all the science-y stuff associated with the case?

"It means you need to come back to Starling City and testify, or at least give a statement so I can proceed with prosecuting the case," Laurel explained.

The blood drained from Felicity's face. "Wha-what?" she stuttered, trying to find her bearings. She grabbed hold of the kitchen counter for purchase, leaning heavily against it. "How has there been a trial date already set? Don't those things take, like, years to happen?"

"Usually, that's the case, but the defendants have invoked their sixth amendment right to a speedy trial and we have to abide by those rules. Fortunately we have all the evidence needed to lock them up, but the thing is some of it hasn't been processed yet. I'm working on getting the lab to speed up the processing, but in case they can't, I feel that taking your statement so that it's on record for the jury is the best thing we can do to convict them," Laurel said.

Even though she hadn't even gotten to the point of telling her therapist about her attack, Felicity had a feeling that maybe with both Dr. Fei and Laurel guiding and coaching her through this difficult recount of her experience, maybe she would finally begin to feel some closure. It was going to be a monumental task, one she knew was fraught with the possibility of relapsing into severe depression, but it needed to be done. And Laurel sounded like she wanted Cooper and Ray behind bars just as much as she did.

"Okay," Felicity agreed.

"I'm glad you're on board, Miss Smoak," Laurel replied.

"I'm assuming I need to be in Starling for this?"

"Yes, you do."

"When?"

"The trial is set for the June 27th. I would appreciate it if you came in a week or so early so I could personally take your statement."

"Let me see what I can do." Felicity's mind began reeling with all the doctors' appointments she had to reschedule and the fact that she needed to talk to her boss about it as well. It was overwhelming, to say the least, but she had a decent support system willing to help her through this. A glance at Oliver, who stood just a few feet away with his arms crossed over her chest, let her know he would stand with her if she needed him to.

"Will you please let me know as soon as possible?" Laurel asked.

"There's a lot I need to do, but I should have an answer for you by the beginning of next week," Felicity said. Today being Thursday, she had a laundry list of things to accomplish the following day if she was going to make that deadline. It was doable, though.

"Great. I'll be waiting for your call."

Felicity let the call end without saying goodbye. There were far too many things on her mind to really care if it was polite or not. She wondered what would happen these next few weeks. There was much to do and so little time to do it. She needed to call Dr. Fei and Dr. Yamashiro to reschedule all her appointments with them and possibly get some referrals for doctors in Starling if she was going to be there for an extended period of time. Her boss would also have to be notified. Maybe she would just quit her job. After all, Felicity was under enough stress as it was. Having to deal with customers was the last thing she wanted to do.

"I'm sorry, Felicity," Oliver said from where he stood behind her. She turned and stared at him, still feeling slightly numb over the prospects of what she had to do in three weeks. As her mind raced with possible outcomes, he added, "If you need anything, I'm here."

"I need a fucking Xanax," Felicity muttered under her breath as she went straight for the cabinet that housed her medications and grabbed the two bottles off the shelf. Drinking them down with a glass of water, she stood with her hands resting on the kitchen sink, staring out the little window that faced the back yard. It was so peaceful back there with its little rock garden and white plastic patio chairs. She just wanted to walk outside and sit in the shade all day, away from her problems, away from her crazy life, and most of all, away from the painful memories she would have to address sooner rather than later.

"Hey," she heard Oliver whisper as his hand came to rest against her forearm. His calloused fingers began rubbing soothing circles against her skin and for just a few moments, everything felt right in the world.

Felicity sighed, leaning back until she hit his chest, then closed her eyes. Feeling the solid mass of his body propping her up made things better, and when his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her in for a backwards hug, she melted into it. "I don't know if I can do this," she quietly admitted.

"Do what?" Oliver asked as he gently rocked her back and forth.

"Give the Assistant District Attorney my statement," Felicity replied.

"If you want, I can come with you and we can give our statement together," he offered.

"I don't know," she said. "I need to talk to my therapist. I need to get my shit in order. I need to figure all this out before I have a psychotic break. It's really fucking stressful on top of everything else that's going on and I just really want it to end. I want this damn trial to be over with. I want my depression and my anxiety and my PTSD to be gone. I want my life back!"

Oliver tightened his arms around her. When his lips pressed to the top of her head, Felicity closed her eyes and simply savored the moment. In a sea of insanity, this was the one thing that seemed to make sense for reasons beyond her control. His touch, his embrace, his presence in her life combined to create a cocoon of safety she could easily get lost in.

"It's going to be okay," Oliver reassured her. "You're the strongest person I know. If anyone can get through this, it's you."

Felicity turned around in his arms and gazed up at him. The warmth she saw in his eyes coupled with the smile on his lips was enough to make her throw caution to the wind. Standing on the tips of her toes, her hands framed his face as she pulled it down closer to her. Their lips were a breath apart, and just as she was about to close the gap, the front door slammed.

Both Felicity and Oliver jumped away from each other as Donna's high heeled shoes hit the carpeted floor and her light footsteps padded their way toward the kitchen. "Oh, my goodness! Something smells fantastic in here," she said as she entered the room. When her eyes caught sight of the strange expressions on their faces, she paused, taking a closer look. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No," they both replied in unison as they moved further apart. Oliver turned and began mixing his powdered sugar, butter, vanilla extract, and hot water together while Felicity leaned against the opposite counter, her interest falling to the cream tiles at her feet.

"Right…" Donna said, her eyes flitting between the two of them.

"I'm gonna go change," Felicity announced, feeling the weight of her mother's gaze. She couldn't even begin to deal with her feelings regarding what happened with Oliver just a moment ago, let alone admit that they nearly kissed. Just the thought of it made her head spin as she rushed into her room and closed the door behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **CORRECTION:** The date I mentioned in the last chapter should have been **_June 27th_**. I made a massive mistake by NOT editing the last chapter before I posted, so please take note of this change. It's super important for the rest of the story.
> 
> **ALSO:** I'm changing my posting schedule to every TWO weeks instead of every week. I've been super busy at work and at home, but I have been pushing myself to write a page a day so that I keep writing. But the process is slow and I'm quickly running out of chapters to post.
> 
> Aside from that, I really do hope you enjoy this chapter. It's one of my favorites so far because you get to see some positive progress in the Olicity relationship.

If Felicity stayed in her room for a little too long, no one noticed. What she came back to was the worried look on her mother's face. She knew almost instantly Oliver had told her about Laurel's phone call, especially when she asked, "When are you leaving?"

Felicity sighed. "Three weeks," she said while leaning her shoulder against the archway that led into the kitchen. Her eyes found the floor once more as Donna practically ran up to her and wrapped her arms around her daughter's shoulders.

"Oliver told me the Assistant District Attorney called from Starling City and I can't believe the trial is happening so soon!" Donna commented. "Are you ready for this?"

"No," Felicity admitted. "Not by a long shot."

Donna held onto her tighter. "If you ever think you're not ready for something or you're not strong enough or you're scared, just remember, you're a Smoak, and Smoak women are some of the most resilient. We've faced some pretty tough challenges, but we've overcome them. Your grandmother survived the Holocaust by trudging through frozen forests for almost a month until she reached the part of France that wasn't occupied. I lived through your father's lies and deceit. Now you have to go through this. Although it's something I wish I could have spared you from, I know you're going to come out stronger than all of us."

"Thanks, Mom," Felicity murmured against Donna's shoulder.

"Are you going into work today?" her mother asked once they pulled away from each other.

"I'm not sure," Felicity replied. "I want to because I need something else to focus on today aside from everything that's happened, so I might. But my car's still at Dr. Fei's office."

Oliver's head whipped around at the mention of her therapist's name. She had been trying to ignore the fact that he was standing in her kitchen making cinnamon rolls, but when he asked, "Dr. Fei?" Felicity couldn't ignore him any longer.

"Yes," she pointedly answered.

Again, that hurt look crossed his face and she knew it had everything to do with their near kiss. Felicity wasn't ready for everything that came with admitting she still had deep feelings for him. She simply wanted to forget it even happened. Maybe they could have a chat about this later, but right now, she found his question intriguing.

"Why do you ask?" Felicity replied, her eyes finally settling on him as he dished out the sugary confection from the pan on the stove. He drizzled it with the homemade glaze before setting each of the three portions down on the table.

"Because I'm pretty sure she's my therapist's sister," Oliver said.

Felicity's jaw dropped. Mei mentioned a sister in Starling. The shock of finding out she was Oliver's therapist sank in and she found herself staring at him.

From behind them, she heard Donna giggle. "Go figure… Of course the two of you would end up seeing almost the same therapist," she pointed out.

Felicity glared at her before stomping over to the fridge and grabbing the pitcher of filtered water. She slammed it down on the table before realizing she needed to get her anger in check. Today wasn't exactly going the way she wanted it to. There was more than enough to discuss with Mei during their session that afternoon, and it seemed like the more she thought about it, the more Felicity needed to see her. She even considered calling in to see if there was an earlier opening, but then remembered she could also go to work and take her frustration out on some old computer parts.

The room fell into silence as they took their seats around the table. Felicity took one side while Oliver and Donna sat across from each other. Shoveling her breakfast into her mouth, she finished as quickly as possible, gulping down her glass of water before either her mother or her ex were even done with their breakfast.

"Alright, I gotta get to work," Felicity said as she quickly pushed away from the table, taking her dish and glass to the sink. After rinsing them out and placing them in the dishwasher, she turned and headed for the door in a hurry.

"Wait, sweetheart!" she heard Donna yell from the kitchen, forcing her to stop in the hallway between it and the living room.

"What, Mom?" Felicity called out, irritation lacing her voice.

Donna appeared a few moments later and said, "I'm going to need my car this afternoon for grocery shopping."

"Then how am I supposed to get to work?" Felicity shot back. "My car is still at Dr. Fei's office."

"I'll take you to pick up your car," Oliver replied from behind them.

Both women turned to stare at him: Donna with a grateful expression on her face and Felicity with one of sheer contempt. She knew it wasn't fair to be so mean to him after all he'd done for her, but she couldn't help it. The things he made her feel were too much at that point in her life, and she really just needed him to step back so she could breathe.

"Oh, thank you!" Donna exclaimed, running up to give him a tight hug before quickly letting go. "I'm gonna take a short nap before I head out. Is there anything you'd like me to pick up for dinner tonight?"

"No, thank you, Donna, but I don't think I'll be staying much longer," Oliver replied, his sharp blue eyes settling on Felicity as he spoke.

She understood what that meant. After today, he was headed back to Starling because Felicity no longer wanted him around. It left her feeling a strange mix of emotions: relief that there wouldn't be the possibly for anymore near kisses and hurt that she couldn't seem to stop pushing him away when he was trying so hard to be patient with her. This was definitely something they needed to discuss on the car ride to Dr. Fei's office.

"Let's go," Felicity grumbled as she grabbed her purse and keys and headed for the door to slip on her favorite pair of flats. He followed her like a lost puppy, his head low and eyes downcast.

There was a black sedan sitting on the curb much like the one Diggle had been driving the previous day when he followed her to Lake Mead. For a moment, she almost expected him to step out of the car and open the door for them, but Oliver strode up to the driver's side, key fob in hand, and slid into the warm leather seat. Felicity quietly slipped into the passenger's seat and once their doors were close, they were off.

"With the amount of time I've spent with you, I almost thought you didn't have a driver's license," Felicity quipped without taking her eyes off the road.

"You're not the first to tell me that, you know," Oliver retorted. He didn't sound too happy. "Are we just gonna spend the entire car ride being catty with each other or are we going to have a conversation about what happened in the kitchen?" He wasn't beating around the bush that was certain.

Felicity whipped her head in his direction and stared at him for a moment. While his head remained facing the windshield, she could see his eyes shift to glance at her sideways. "Fine," she said. "Let's talk."

"You almost kissed me," Oliver stated. "Then when your mom walked in, you did a complete one-eighty. Why?"

"Because I realized how big of a mistake it would have been to kiss you," Felicity flatly answered. "Look, Oliver, I don't want you to get the wrong impression here. While I still care about you, let's stay in the friend zone for now because I have enough shit to deal with as it is."

"You keep saying that, yet you never elaborate," he shot back. "Forget the almost kiss, what you and I really need to talk about is what's going on with you in general. You say you're 'dealing with enough shit as it is.' What are you dealing with?"

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Felicity shouted.

"You never want to talk about it!" Oliver yelled back. "And that's exactly what led us here in the first place!"

"What led us here in the first place was _you_ pushing me to 'talk about it!'" she replied, using air quotes as her hands flailed about in her frustration.

"Because I cared about you and I loved you! I still do! And I didn't want you to deal with it alone because I knew what would happen!" He pulled into an empty parking lot and shut off the car. "Felicity, while I can't even begin to imagine what's going on in your head, I know having someone to support you, to care about you, to _love_ you is so important in your recovery."

"And I do!" she interjected. "I have my mother! She's been there for me! She's helped me! She's cared about me! And she's loved me, unconditionally!" Felicity knew she was trying to hurt him and to push him away, but the moment she looked up and saw the tears in his eyes, she knew she'd gone too far. And when a solitary tear dripped down his cheek and fell onto the sleeve of his shirt, her heart shattered.

"So I don't mean anything to you, do I?" Oliver quietly asked as he wiped the traitorous tear away from his face with the back of his hand.

"Oliver, I didn't say that!"

"I know what you meant, Felicity!"

"I didn't mean it that way either!"

"Then how am I supposed to take that? How am I supposed to take everything you've done in the past few months? How am I supposed to take you leaving me? Did you ever even care about me?"

"Don't you dare say that! Of course I cared about you! I still care about you!"

"Then why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because I can't stand the thought of hurting you anymore than I already have!" Tears streamed down Felicity's cheeks, splashing onto her shirt and forming a wet spot just above her breastbone. She tried wiping them away, but it was no use. All the emotions she'd been keeping locked away were finally coming out now in a torrent. "I can't stand the thought of hurting you anymore," she said a little more quietly, her voice shaking as she sniffled.

"The only thing that hurts me is the fact that you won't let me in," Oliver softly replied. "You're so open and honest with everyone but me it seems. That's what really hurts."

"It's because I'm terrified of what might happen if I did tell you," Felicity confessed. She stared down at her hands as they lay listless in her lap, too afraid to see the expression on his face.

Oliver reached out and brushed the errant strands of blonde hair away from her face before his hand cupped her cheek, tilting it up so their eyes met. Amid the pain and the hurt she saw the love he still felt for her and the hope that things would get better. Felicity wondered how he could be such an eternal optimist after all the things that had happened to him. But there he was, smiling against the tears as his thumb loving stroked the tears away from her cheek.

"Do you remember what I told you in the hospital?" Oliver asked. She shook her head because a lot of what happened in the days and weeks that followed her assault remained a blur. "I promised you I'd do whatever it took to help you through this and that together, we could overcome anything that happened. I also promised that I wouldn't let you go. And I haven't, no matter how hard you've tried to push me away. I love you too much to let you go without a fight."

More tears streamed down Felicity's cheeks as her lower lip began to tremble. She was torn. Part of her wanted desperately to tell him everything in that moment, but a bigger part told her to wait because she still needed time. "Will you wait for me?" she found herself asking.

"I'd wait for you until the end of time if I had to," Oliver replied, giving her a soft smile that made her heart flutter in her chest. "You're worth it."

A sob tore from Felicity's throat as she surged forward and threw her arms around his neck. No one had ever told her he was worth waiting for. Burying her face in his t-shirt, she whispered, "I don't deserve you."

Oliver effortlessly picked her up and settled her in his lap, making the hug a little less awkward and painful. His arms wound around her waist, pulling her tight against his chest. "Of course you do," he murmured against her ear as he stroked his hand up and down her back.

Her head came to rest against his chest. The strong, steady beat of his heart beneath her ear helped to calm her. As Felicity lay there, she allowed herself to believe everything would be okay between her and Oliver. She allowed herself a moment of peace that had been a long time coming _. "I'd wait for you until the end of time… You're worth it…"_ His words became a mantra in her head, one she would repeat over and over again in an effort to remember he was with her through thick and thin.

"Wait for me," Felicity finally whispered without moving her head from where it rested beneath his chin. "Wait for me," she repeated, "just a few more weeks. Let me get through the trial, and then, hopefully, we can try again."

"I'll wait," Oliver assured her with a kiss to the forehead. "I'll wait as long as it takes if that's what you want me to do."

" _Please_ ," Felicity stressed. "Promise me that whatever happens, whatever is revealed in the next few months, we'll work through it," she begged, burying her fingers into the soft material of his shirt.

"I promise," he whispered as his lips pressed against her skin once more.

"Thank you," she whispered back.

They held each other for a little while longer, until the tears dried and the world began coming to life as mid morning approached. Felicity untangled herself from Oliver's arms then settled back into the passenger's seat finally feeling like her life wasn't going to turn into shambles anytime soon. He started up the car again and followed her directions to Dr. Fei's office to drop her off at her car. With one last hug and a kiss to the forehead, they parted ways so she could head to work and he could get some actual rest in his hotel room.

Just as she was about to turn and leave, Oliver slipped his hand into hers and tugged her back. When Felicity turned around to face him, he asked, "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight before I head back to Starling? Just as friends, though."

A tiny smile appeared on her face. "Maybe," Felicity replied. "Let me get through work and my appointment with the therapist, and if I feel okay, then yeah, we could do dinner."

He beamed at her before pulling Felicity in for one final, lingering hug. Oliver pressed a kiss to her forehead as he said, "If not, that's okay too, just as long as I get to see you before I leave."

"Of course," Felicity nodded.

They finally let go of each other and headed off in separate directions. Felicity headed to work while Oliver headed to his unused hotel room.

Working the morning shift at Tech Geniuses could be hit or miss. There were days when the phones would be ringing as soon as Felicity walked into the door, and there were the quiet mornings when she could put on a pot of coffee and simply tinker with clients' computers before the calls started coming in. This morning proved to be the former. She could hear ringing before the door was even open and knew if she didn't answer it quick enough, there was potential to lose a client.

"Tech Geniuses, Felicity speaking, how may I help you?" she answered after rushing inside the empty store. And so her morning started with a bang. The first call had been an easy one: the computer needed a reboot. As soon as she finished, a second call came in, this time requiring her to remotely log into the client's computer in order to fix the problem. The third and fourth calls went much the same: more remote accessing, more fixing problems.

By the time her coworkers entered the store two hours later, Felicity was finishing up with her tenth call. Her head was spinning and she really needed a cup of coffee if she was going to deal with anymore phone calls. Unfortunately, her only alternative was decaf, which they had on hand somewhere in one of the kitchen cabinets. With two other people around to field the calls, she stepped away from the tech support desk and headed to the back where the small employee kitchen was located. The small squared off area held a fridge, a microwave, a coffee pot, and a sink with just enough space to fit a tiny table that seated three at most.

Rolling chairs were scattered about, and once she'd put the coffee on, Felicity fell into one. She immediately began rubbing her temples as her head began to spin. This was not how she wanted her day to go. 'Couldn't things be easy for just one day?' she asked herself. With a shake of her head, she stood up only for the dizziness to force her back into the chair. While it was nothing new, it still put Felicity on edge. At least now she knew why it was happening.

Felicity sat there for several minutes with her eyes closed. She concentrated on her breathing, on inhaling deeply then exhaling slowly. In less than five minutes, the dizziness abated and she could stand on her feet again. The coffee pot was her first destination and even though she couldn't have her favorite light roast, the decaf was enough to give her a taste of what she loved. She grabbed her favorite pink and white polka dotted mug and poured herself some.

A tiny hum escaped her throat as Felicity took her first sip before heading back out on the floor to continue with her shift. Most of her time was spent behind the scenes, repairing broken computers clients brought in or putting together new ones from discarded parts. She loved her job. It was much like her old one at Queen Consolidated, only slightly less stressful. But there were days where she'd miss taking that elevator up and down the expansive building and solving tough problems that others couldn't seem to crack.

At Tech Geniuses, Felicity was the quiet one, mostly keeping to herself and doing as she was told. It was a far cry from her own office, but she managed well enough with some of the challenges people brought to her. Some days she could go from a simple hard drive replacement on an old machine to rewiring an entire motherboard that had shorted out. Sometimes it was fun, others not so much, but it kept her mind from wandering, from wondering what would happen between her and Oliver if she decided to go to dinner with him tonight.

They had hit so many rough patches in these past two days that it made it seem like their days in Starling City had been a breeze. But unlike their time in Starling, they were starting to work through their problems instead of push them to the backs of their minds. Dr. Fei would probably have a lot to say about that this afternoon, and even more when it came to heading back to the city that had caused her so many problems in the first place.


	10. Chapter 10

A glance at the clock on the west wall of the store let Felicity know it was time to head to her appointment with Dr. Fei. After clocking out, she hopped into her car and drove off. Rush hour traffic always held her up on days like today, so it took her around forty-five minutes to reach the therapist's office. Once there, she got out of the car, but not before holding her keys between her fingers like a pair of spiked brass knuckles. She wasn't taking any chances today. Her eyes scanned the parking lot making sure no one was around before heading inside and up the stairs instead of the elevator.

The receptionist ushered her into the cozy office and she took a seat on the couch to wait for the therapist to come in. It wasn't long, only about thirty seconds, but it gave Felicity a moment to take a breath and ground herself. There was a lot she needed to discuss with Dr. Fei from the pregnancy to the trial. Her mind was still a bit jumbled from the previous night, but it felt good to talk to someone about it.

Dr. Fei stepped in from her private bathroom. Immediately, Felicity glanced up at her. She was met with a warm smile before the doctor grabbed her pen and legal pad and sat down in the chair across from her. "How are you feeling, Felicity? How's your anxiety?"

"Surprisingly good right now." She sat back on the couch, her hands falling into her lap as she recounted, "I'm still in shock about the pregnancy, but I've got far more things to deal with right now besides a baby."

"And what are those?" Dr. Fei asked.

"Well, obviously the assault," Felicity affirmed. "But then there was also the fact that my mother decided it would be a great idea to call my ex and have him come out here. That turned into all kinds of crazy and messed up, but the weird thing that came out of all that: we started talking to each other again like civilized people. Yeah, we had a couple huge fights, including one this morning, yet we somehow managed to work things out. Now, I'm not saying we're anywhere close to being what we were before everything happened, but I know how Oliver feels and he knows how I feel, so we're on the same page again, I think."

"What do you mean you think?"

"I mean, take for example today's fight. I almost made a huge mistake and he called me out on it. We fought for not even a minute about it before the real issues came to light, like my inability to talk to him about things."

"Why do you find it so hard to talk to him?"

"I feel like if I did talk to Oliver about what was going on, I'd be a burden to him. And that's exactly what I told him, but not before I said some pretty nasty things that hurt his feelings…"

"Like what?"

"He told me he knew how important it was to have someone to care about me and love me while I was recovering and I told him that I did have someone: my mother. I opened up a huge can of worms with that, and I immediately felt terrible because he started crying. I don't think I've ever seen Oliver cry before, and let me tell you, it broke my heart."

"At least you understood what was going on. So what did you do about it?"

"That's when I told him I still cared about him and that I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I feel like after what Cooper and Ray did to me, I constantly hurt Oliver by being around or by asking him to help me. I felt even worse when he comforted me after my nightmares. There was always this look in his eyes, like he was in this god awful pain, and I felt like it was all my fault."

"You did a very good job explaining your feelings, Felicity. I'm so glad you've gotten to the point of being able to express them out loud to not only me, but to Oliver as well."

"That's not all we talked about," Felicity continued.

"Go on," Dr. Fei replied.

Felicity paused for a moment, staring down at her hands where they rested in her lap. "Well," she said, "I mentioned that I was afraid to tell him about everything that was going on."

"You mean about the baby?" the therapist assumed, jotting it down on her notepad as she waited for Felicity to answer.

"Yeah…"

"Why?"

"Because… I'm scared of how he's going to react. I'm scared he's going to get angry at me. I'm even more terrified that he's going to want nothing to do with me." Felicity heard her voice crack as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Admitting it out loud instead of keeping it bottled up inside brought her fears to light. Having to face them, to talk about them, made the emotional damn she'd built around her heart finally break.

"Your fears are valid, Felicity," Dr. Fei assured her. "Things of this nature are very hard for people to deal with. You're not the only one affected by this pregnancy. Your mother, your friends, Oliver; they're all going to be affected by it in one way or another. Your mother proved to be very understanding and very supportive, and I'm so glad that she is because you need that support. Oliver, from what you've told me about him, seems to care about you very much. While I'd be surprised if he turned his back on you, I wouldn't rule it out completely. I do think telling him would be the right thing to do. That way, you'd get this burden off your shoulders much sooner. You don't want it weighing you down for too long."

Felicity nodded. "I asked him to wait a few more weeks, at least until the trial was over before I told him everything because I don't know how that's going to pan out. I don't want anyone to know I'm pregnant, but I don't want him finding out from anyone other than me."

"What trial?" Dr. Fei asked as she stared up at Felicity from the notes she'd been taking.

"Yeah, that was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about," Felicity replied. "I got a call from the Assistant District Attorney asking me to come in so she could take my statement."

"When is that?"

"June 27th I believe, which I know isn't that far away," Felicity said. "Just the other day, I made it pretty clear I wasn't ready for this yet and now here I am, pretty much forced to talk about what happened. I don't know what to do."

Dr. Fei remained silent for several moments as she jotted down notes on her notepad. With a deep sigh, she replied, "I don't really think there's a way around this, but I think we're going to have to skip Stress Inoculation Therapy and go straight to Prolonged Exposure Therapy if you have to go in and give your statement to the Assistant District Attorney."

"I figured as much," Felicity conceded with a deep sigh. "So what happens next?"

"You and I start talking about your rape," Dr. Fei answered. Felicity tensed, her hands forming fists at her side as she tried calm herself. "I know this isn't going to be easy for you. It's not easy for anyone. But there is a silver lining. I'll be teaching you coping techniques such as deep breathing and relaxation before asking you to remember the event in as much detail as possible."

"I guess that's doable. Are we going to start today or can we wait until next week?"

"I think starting today would be a good idea. Deep breathing techniques usually only take about ten minutes to relax you. Besides, research and personal experience has shown it takes between fourteen and seventeen sessions before Prolonged Exposure Therapy really starts making a dent. You said you have until June 27th, correct?"

"Well, technically, I only have until around June 18th because that's when the prosecutor wants to see me," Felicity answered.

"Oh," Dr. Fei replied, her brows lifting slightly as she jotted down the date. "That only gives us about ten sessions."

"Do you think I can make enough progress in ten sessions to do this?"

"I do believe you'll make progress, but I'd rather be safe than sorry." Dr. Fei stood up and walked over to her desk. She opened one of the drawers beneath it. For several moments, she rummaged inside, moving things around until she found what she was looking for. "This is my sister's card. I know it's odd that two sisters are both therapists, but we're twins so I guess it makes sense." She handed Felicity the card: Shado Fei, Starling City address and phone number. "I'll call her after your session is over and give her the heads up that you'll be stopping by to see her while you're in Starling."

As strange as it felt knowing Oliver went to the same therapist, the fact that Shado was Mei's sister made Felicity feel a little better. "That would be great," she replied. "I guess all we have left to do now is start the session."

"Yep. Are you ready?" Dr. Fei asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Felicity said.

"Okay, I want you to lie down on the couch and take a couple of long, slow breaths for me," Dr. Fei instructed. "With one hand on your chest and the other on your belly, take a deep breath through your nose, ensuring your diaphragm inflates with enough air to create a stretch in your lungs. Your goal is six to ten deep, slow breaths per minute for ten minutes."

Felicity followed her therapist's instructions the best she could, but she found it hard to control her breathing. She'd falter and lose track of how many deep breaths she'd taken before muttering, "This is really hard."

"I know it is," Dr. Fei said. "It's going to be hard at first to control your breathing because you've spent the past few months in a stressed state, so it's going to take your body some time to adjust. Once it does, this will get easier."

Rolling her eyes before closing them to try and focus, Felicity switched positions on the couch so she lay across it from head to toe. Now more comfortable that sitting upright, she started her deep breathing again. The longer she tried, the better she got at it. Just when Felicity thought she had it mastered, a hand gently came down on her shoulder, pulling her out of her trance.

"How do you feel?" Dr. Fei asked.

"Relaxed," Felicity said with a touch of a smile on her lips. "I think this is a great thing to try whenever I have a panic attack."

"You should. I think it would help you," her doctor replied. "It will also help you as you're recounting what happened to you last year. I want you to remember everything you can and be as detailed as possible when you describe it to me."

Felicity took another deep breath. "Okay," she said. "Here goes nothing…"

Letting out her breath slowly, she began. "I had gotten into a fight at work, a physical fight, with this one woman who worked in my office, Carrie Cutter. She punched me, and the details of what happened next are kinda hazy, but I found myself in Oliver's office. He was in the process of firing her. Next thing I know, she's being dragged out by security and Oliver is sitting me down on his couch. We sat there for a little while. I remember him holding me. We probably would have stayed there longer if his sister hadn't barged into his office. She pretty much called me a slut and I couldn't handle it anymore, so I walked out. Olive tried to follow me, but I told him to leave me alone and went back to my apartment. It felt like the only place I could go because I didn't feel comfortable at his place and I really just wanted to be away from everyone. I had no idea Cooper would ambush me there.

"He drugged me and I woke up in my basement tied to a chair. I was absolutely terrified, but I knew I had to keep him talking in order to increase my odds of being found. The odds weren't in my favor, obviously, because he still injected me with some kind of drug that made me numb all over. I felt trapped inside my own body. I thought this was the end. They were going to kill me. But it was much, much worse."

Tears had begun to stream down Felicity's cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand before Dr. Fei handed her a tissue. "Thank you," she mumbled, taking it and blowing her nose. "God, this is so hard to talk about," Felicity lamented. "Do I really have to be detailed about what they did to me?"

"Unfortunately you do," Dr. Fei replied. "And believe me, it's just as hard for me to listen as it is for you to tell."

"I'm sorry," Felicity apologized.

"Don't be," the doctor said. "This is my job. I signed up for it. Now, please, continue for as long as you can."

Taking another deep, ragged breath, Felicity did. "I remember Cooper carrying me into my room. Ray had covered it in plastic sheeting and it reminded me of Dexter, ya know? Like how he decked out that room in plastic so he wouldn't have to clean up his victim's blood? That's what it looked like. And suddenly I was absolutely terrified. I couldn't move, I couldn't scream… I felt hopeless. It was at that moment I truly wished he had just killed me instead of what they did to me next."

"What did they do, Felicity?"

"They, um… They took off my clothes," she answered, her voice cracking. The tissue in her hands had turned into a crumpled lump. Dr. Fei handed her a new one and she wiped the tears that continued to flow down her cheeks. This was much harder than Felicity ever expected. The vivid images that came to mind were far worse than her nightmares had ever been.

"And then?" Dr. Fei encouraged her to keep talking.

"They started talking about what they wanted to do to me." A sob was ripped from Felicity's throat, forcing her to stop. "I can't do this," she wept. "I can't! I just… I can't! It's too much!"

"I know, Felicity," Dr. Fei replied. "I've got time, though. We still have twenty minutes left of this session and we can accomplish quite a lot. You just have to trust me. Can you trust me, Felicity?"

She was torn. The last time she trusted someone, she got burned. But this was her therapist. They had been working on building trust for months now. There was an oath on the wall that declared whatever happened within these four walls would forever stay there unless Felicity allowed her to share it. The reminder made her feel a little more comfortable. She read it a few more times to ground herself before nodding. "Yeah," Felicity finally mumbled. "I trust you."

"Okay, good," Dr. Fei said. "Now, tell me, do you remember exactly what they said?"

Felicity bit her lip. "Yeah," she replied in a tiny voice. "They said things like 'My cock is getting so hard just looking at her like this,' and 'I can't wait to destroy her like I always wanted to.'" More tears fell down her cheeks and she kept wiping them away with the cuff of her shirt sleeve. The tissue in her hand had become nothing but a ball of wadded up paper. Dr. Fei handed her a new one, and she blew her nose.

"It was disgusting," Felicity continued. "I wanted to throw up, but all I could do was lay there and wait for them to get on with it. And when they did, the pain was unbearable. I felt like they were tearing my skin apart, piece by piece. Cooper grabbed my chin and stuck his dick in my mouth while Ray took me from behind…" The imagery became too vivid to handle. "Oh, god!" she cried. "No! No more! I can't! This is enough! I need to stop! Please! No more!" Felicity sat up on the couch and let her head fall into her hands as she began bawling.

"I agree," Dr. Fei said. "You don't have to tell me anymore." She sat down beside Felicity and began stroking her hand up and down her patient's back. "You did a very good job today. You've managed to get through one of the biggest hurdles and I'm proud of you. Next time, I know you'll go even further."

They sat together for several more minutes as Felicity poured out all her emotions in her tears before her head finally bobbed up and she looked at Dr. Fei. "Mei," she said, "I don't know how this is even possible, but I feel like a little weight has been lifted off my shoulders by just telling you a little bit of what happened that day." Felicity already felt this nightmare's hold loosening its grip from her life. While she knew she was nowhere near overcoming it, having said as much as she had was a major accomplishment.

"See, you're already making progress," the doctor replied with a smile. "You're going to be just fine. And if you do start to feel overwhelmed or if you have another flashback, try that breathing exercise I walked you through today. It should help."

"Okay," Felicity said.

"Also, I want you to sign up for a yoga class. Yoga is a great way to relieve stress and to strengthen your body. And don't worry, it's safe to do while pregnant too. I'm pretty sure there are pregnancy yoga classes out there if you really wanted to be safe about it."

Felicity nodded. "I'll see what I can find," she replied. "Thank you, Mei."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Felicity sat in her car in the driveway of the house, her phone in her hand, thumb hovering over a familiar number. After her session with Dr. Fei, she had no desire to go out and do anything that night, much less eat dinner. The raging headache she had behind her eyes was enough to make her want to crawl into bed and sleep until morning, but she still wanted to see Oliver one last time before he left.

Making a decision, she pressed the call button and put the phone to her ear. It rang twice before he picked up. "Felicity," he breathed in that warm, happy tone that always made her heart flutter.

"Hi, Oliver," she softly replied.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. Damn the man for being able to sense even the slightest bit of discomfort she might be in.

Felicity sighed. "It's just been a really long day," she answered, letting her exhaustion seep through her words. "I'm exhausted and I've got this massive headache. I'm sorry…"

"Oh," Oliver sighed. And just like him, she could easily tell he was disappointed.

"While dinner might be off the table, I would like to see you before you go," Felicity said.

"Oh." This time his reply sounded hopeful and in her mind's eye, she could see the smile slowly creeping onto his face. "I'll stop by in half an hour, if that's alright with you."

"I'd like that," she replied, feeling her own smile creep up.

Felicity had half an hour to make herself look remotely presentable. After an exhausting day at work followed by an even more exhausting therapy session, she looked terrible and not only needed to scrub off her mangled makeup, but also shower away the grim that covered her skin from the searing Las Vegas heat. Unfortunately, she only had time for the makeup.

Donna had picked up another double that afternoon a little note on the refrigerator said as Felicity stepped into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The house was empty, meaning her mother's prying would be kept to a minimum. There was no doubt she'd ask about what had happened the next morning, but Felicity thanked her lucky stars she didn't have to deal with it tonight. Sleep would come quick and hopefully easy after what felt like the weight of the world no longer rested on her shoulders.

Just as she was putting her used glass in the dishwasher, the doorbell rang. A glance at the clock overhead let Felicity know her half hour was up. Face scrubbed clean and feeling slightly fresher than she had upon coming home that evening, she headed for the door with a little bounce in her step. She always remembered to look through the peephole, making sure she knew who was behind the heavy hardwood before opening it, and her heart fluttered to see that it was, in fact, Oliver Queen standing beneath the porch light looking gorgeous as ever in jeans, a dark navy t-shirt, and sunglasses perched on top of his head.

"Hey," Felicity said as she pulled open the door. "Right on time."

Oliver gave her a timid smile, his hand reached across the back of his neck as he stood there. "I wish I had more time to stay," he replied, his eyes finally falling on her face, "because I feel like we're finally in a good place again with each other. It's a shame I have to leave now."

"I know," she sighed, her shoulder coming to rest against the doorframe. "But you'll see me again," Felicity reminded him. She reached out, her hand falling against his forearm and giving it a light squeeze. "I'll be in Starling in a few weeks. We'll see each other then."

"I hate waiting," Oliver murmured.

"You promised you'd wait for me," she quietly replied.

He sighed, his hand falling over hers on his forearm as he linked their fingers together. "I still hate waiting," he repeated with a lopsided smile. They stared at each other for quite some time as Oliver played with her fingers. He held them in his hand, his thumb running over her knuckles. When he stopped to rub it over her ring finger, Felicity took notice. There was something disconcerting yet comforting about the gesture that made her heart beat a little faster and the butterflies in her stomach to flutter about wildly.

"I'd better get going," Oliver finally broke the silence as he gripped the tips of her fingers and brought her hand up to his lips. He kissed the top softly, his scruffy whiskers tickling her sensitive flesh. Felicity didn't want him to let go, but when he reluctantly did, she dropped her arm to her side and stood up straight.

"You have a private jet. It's not like you're going to miss your flight," Felicity quipped.

"Does that mean you want me to stay a little longer?" he shot back with a smile.

"I… Uh… Um…" she stuttered before he swooped in to stop her from making a fool out of herself.

"Relax, Felicity," Oliver replied. "I really do have to go. There are some pressing things I need to deal with at Queen Consolidated regarding a future merger with Stellmoor International."

She simply nodded. "I'll see you in a few weeks then?" she asked.

"Would you like me to have the jet come pick you up?"

"Oliver, no," Felicity deadpanned, crossing her arms over her chest and giving him a stern glare. "But you can pick me up from the airport."

"I'll only be okay with that if I can take you out to dinner," he tried to compromise.

"And if I said no?"

"Then I'd still pick you up," Oliver replied. "I'm not about to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to see."

A smile blossomed on Felicity's lips as she leaned in and pressed the softest of kisses to his cheek. "Maybe," she whispered into his ear before pulling away. The bashful shade of red Oliver turned was one she couldn't help but giggle at. He looked like an overgrown and incredibly handsome nerd standing there at her door, blushing because she'd kissed his cheek.

"I should… I should really… I'd better get going," Oliver stuttered, his face turning even redder in the pale porch light.

"Go!" Felicity replied, shoving him backwards playfully. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

"Bye, Felicity."

"Bye, Oliver."

With a parting wave, he was gone, sliding into the backseat of the black sedan sitting on the curb. The tinted window rolled down as Oliver continued to wave until the car was down the street and out of sight. Felicity sighed before stepping back into the cool air conditioning of her home and closing the door behind her. It seemed strange, but she already missed him.

Dinner was Felicity's first order of business followed by a shower and then bed. She had a lot to deal with the following day from rescheduling appointments to officially quitting her job to booking her flight and hotel in Starling. It was a tremendous move to make, one just as terrifying and unsettling as the one she'd made to Vegas earlier in the year, but it had to be done. She wanted Cooper and Ray behind bars for the rest of their lives, and if that meant sharing her story, then so be it.


	11. Chapter 11

Three weeks went by faster than Felicity expected. In those three weeks, her life had changed dramatically. Now in her sixth month of pregnancy, she could see her waist expanding. It wasn't as much as Dr. Yamashiro would have liked, but it was enough to warrant a new wardrobe with more stretchy clothing than she felt comfortable wearing. Back aches and heartburn had become the bane of her existence, and her energy levels were slowly dwindling making her more tired and irritable than she would normally be.

But the fact remained: three times a week, Felicity was forced to talk about her rape. Over and over again, she recounted whatever details she could remember from that day. Those first few sessions had been terrible, leaving her feeling exhausted from all the crying she'd done. The fear and terror slowly abated the more she talked through the experience. Dr. Fei had been right; the safe environment her office provided helped Felicity express herself in ways she never dreamed of.

As the sessions wore on, she grew more confident. But the details also sharpened and magnified. The more she remembered, the angrier Felicity grew. Her rage came out at the most inopportune moments: in the grocery store parking lot when someone cut her off, at work when a customer tried to tell her she'd done something to screw up their computer, and when her mother tried to get her to stop eating so much chocolate. She had snapped, blinding rage coming out in shouted curses and flying fists.

It was a combination of pregnancy hormones and the stress of having to talk about her ordeal that caused these outbursts, Dr. Fei said. She assigned Felicity more relaxation techniques to keep them in check since medicine was out of the question for the time being. As the day of her departure for Starling City grew closer, the stress and anxiety grew exponentially. Felicity found herself spending more time curled up in a ball on her bed than she did getting work done. It prompted her to quit her job early, before it got any worse.

But there was also a silver lining: spending all that time talking about the rape made Felicity see why it was so important to recount it over and over again. The more she talked about it, the less it affected her in a negative way. With each telling, she grew a little stronger. Hearing the word "rape" no longer triggered any of her negative feelings toward it or the flashbacks she tended to experience.

Flight booked and bags packed, Felicity hoisted her backpack over her shoulder and stepped out the front door into the twilight hours of morning. The sun hadn't even risen yet, but this was the perfect time for a fight to a city that seemed to hold only terrible memories. She hoped she was strong enough to do it without her mother. Donna couldn't come with her because of work, leaving Felicity to make the journey alone.

She took solace in the fact that Oliver would be there to greet her at the airport. They had made arrangements the night before to meet in the baggage claim area then he would take her to the hotel and drop her off at the District Attorney's office afterward. Once Felicity was done there, he would come get her and they'd go for dinner. That was their plan. If anything changed on either end, texts and phone calls would be exchanged, unless she was up in the air.

Knowing Oliver would be there made Felicity slightly less anxious about being in Starling without her mother. Donna had been her rock those past three weeks, keeping her grounded even when she snapped at her. Now, it would just be Oliver. Hopefully he'd take the excuse that it was the stress of being back that caused her outbursts and the pregnancy news could remain a secret for just a little longer.

The flight took about two hours, and with a half empty plane, Felicity found herself in a row on her own. Other passengers were scattered along the other rows, leaving her to her thoughts. Putting in her headphones, she chose music as her way of passing the time while catching up on some of the tech articles she'd been too busy to read in the past few weeks.

Once the plane landed and she disembarked, her checked bag waited for her down in baggage. As she headed down there, Felicity check her phone for messages, but with poor reception and a large number of people doing the same, she decided just to get downstairs and to her bag before looking again. The turbulence had done a number on her stomach, and all she wanted was to get out of the airport and to her hotel.

Picking up her bag, Felicity checked her phone once more, but still found nothing. Oliver was supposed to text her with his location, but nothing had come through yet. She headed for the exit only to find a surprise waiting for. "Dig?!" she screeched. "What are you doing here?! Where's Oliver?! He was supposed to pick me up today." She dropped her bags and immediately wrapped her arms around him, giving her former bodyguard a big hug.

"He's been held up at work all night. Something about security problems… Not exactly sure what that meant, but he asked me to come get you instead. Why, haven't you gotten a text from him yet?" he asked, taking her backpack and suitcase before she got the chance to pick them up and carry them herself.

"No, I haven't," Felicity answered, glancing down at her phone once more. "It's probably shitty reception here at the airport. I'll check again once we get closer to the city."

Diggle nodded then led her outside to his waiting town car. He hoisted her belongings into the back of the black sedan before opening the door for her. Felicity slid into the backseat and got comfortable for the short drive. Although Oliver hadn't been the one to come get her, having Diggle do it would have been her second choice.

The ping from her cell phone alerted to a text message, and when Felicity looked down, it was Oliver telling her what she already knew. It had been sent several hours ago, while she had still been in the air, and it made sense that once they entered the freeway, not only were her texts coming in, but also emails and voicemails.

The drive to her hotel was blissfully short with light mid-morning traffic. As they entered the city limits, tall skyscrapers pierced through the deck of thick grey clouds making it impossible to see their true grandeur. Felicity paid no mind. Her thoughts focused on the days ahead. She checked into the Starling Grand and headed up to her room to drop off her things before rushing back down.

"Can you take me to the DA's office?" Felicity asked once she settled into the back seat of the sedan. "I have an appointment with Laurel at noon."

"That's what I'm here for," Diggle replied with a nod and a smile into his rearview mirror. The drive took less than ten minutes. In those ten minutes, Felicity practiced the breathing techniques Dr. Fei had taught her: inhale to the count of four then exhale to the count of four. It took her mind off what would happen next.

Diggle pulled up to the curb of a large, nondescript glass-walled building several stories high. While it wasn't as tall as some of the skyscrapers the city boasted, it still felt imposing. Felicity exited the car, her eyes still staring up at the grey sky overhead, then headed inside where she was given a visitor badge at the security desk, patted down, then directed to an elevator that would take her to the fifth floor. Crowded inside with six other people, she kept repeating her breathing exercises until the bell dinged and the doors opened to her floor.

The corridor was line hardwood floors and redwood walls that led to a large, black reception desk at the end. Black leather chairs and a small oval glass table sat to the left of it, a warm, inviting space that made Felicity feel less anxious even though her heart continued hammering away in her chest. As she stepped up to the desk, the receptionist glanced up at her and smiled.

"Can I help you?" the young man asked.

"Yes, Felicity Smoak. I'm here to see Laurel Lance," she replied.

"One moment." The tall, lanky dark haired man stood up and scurried down another hallway to the right of his desk. He returned a few moments later and said, "Miss Lance is waiting for you. Please, follow me." He led Felicity past several opaque glass doors and walls separated by the same redwood as the rest of the office until they stopped at one halfway down the long corridor. The man pushed open the door for her, holding it until she was inside before shutting it behind her.

Almost immediately, Felicity felt calmed by the pale robin's egg blue walls that surrounded her. The office itself was spacious, almost as big as her living room, with large floor to ceiling glass windows that let in copious amounts of light. To the left she found posh Victorian style furniture whose fabrics complimented the walls with similar hues of blue and wooden frames that matched the small oak desk to the right. That's where she found the Assistant District Attorney sitting, jotting down notes on a legal pad beside an ultra-thin laptop.

When the woman raised her head, Felicity marveled at the uncanny resemblance she had to her sister. It was like looking at a taller, thinner version of Sara. They had the same eyes, the same facial features, the same blonde hair, only this woman was far lankier than her sibling. She stood up and Felicity found herself dwarfed by the lawyer.

"Miss Smoak?" she said, extending her hand. "Hi, I'm Laurel Lance. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Likewise," Felicity replied as they shook.

"Please, take a seat." Laurel motioned to the two cushy chairs in front of them. As she rounded the desk and took a seat, she added, "I'm glad you were able to come in a week early. There's a lot to discuss and brief you on." Felicity simply nodded. "I've made a decent amount of headway with your case. It's probably one of the most disturbing ones I've ever had to prosecute, but considering how much evidence there is against your attackers, I'm pretty sure we'll get a convection once it goes to trial."

Felicity's face paled at the thought of this going to trial. She didn't want to deal with the circus this would inevitably turn into. "I was really hoping it wouldn't come to that," she said.

"Unfortunately, it looks like neither of the defendants want to take a plea bargain. I've tried to settle with their respective lawyers, but they have no intention of doing it," Laurel replied.

The blood in Felicity's veins turned to ice as the wheels in her mind churned frantically. "Oh, god," she whispered. "They're planning something." Her eyes shot to Laurel's.

"What do you mean?" the ADA asked.

"This is Cooper Seldon we're talking about," Felicity informed her. "He spent years planning his revenge. He had contingency plans in place. If he's not taking a plea bargain, it means he's got something up his sleeve." Her heart began to race. This wasn't what she expected to hear when she got to Laurel's office that afternoon. The realization that the man who raped her then nearly killed her still wasn't finished with his revenge plot scared Felicity to death.

"Miss Smoak, what are you talking about?" Laurel replied.

"Nanites," Felicity answered. "Cooper and Ray had been tracking me using nanotechnology. They slipped nanites into my drink and used them as a GPS to follow my movements. They knew everywhere I went: my job, my apartment, Oliver's penthouse… Oh, god! Oliver!"

Felicity scrambled for her phone, pulling it out of her pocket and dialing his number. It rang three times before she got an answer. "Felicity…" The content way with which he sighed her name always made her heart flutter. But this wasn't the time to dwell on it.

"Oliver, where are you? Are you okay? Are you somewhere safe?" she shot off her questions in a huff.

"What…? Felicity… What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Please… Please tell me you're okay and everything's fine," Felicity begged, her eyes filling with tears. "I just need to know."

"Felicity, I'm fine. Everything's okay. I'm in my office at Queen Consolidated working on some paperwork," Oliver answered. Suddenly, his tone changed. "Why? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she said. "I just… needed to know you were okay."

"What's going on?" he persisted. "Did something happen to you? Do you need my help?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that."

"Then please tell me." When Oliver begged, his voice became whisper soft and touched her on a whole other level. The care and concern he had for her reflected in the way he spoke, which made it damn near impossible for Felicity not to tell him what had provoked her fear-filled phone call.

"I'm at Laurel's office, and I'm scared that Cooper might be planning something," she quietly admitted.

"What?! Why do you think he's planning something? Has he done anything to you? Are you okay?"

From the other end of the phone, she could hear Oliver stand out of his chair, the rolling wheels echoing on the marble floor of his office. "Oliver! I'm okay," Felicity replied. "Laurel mentioned that Cooper and Ray weren't taking the plea bargain they'd been offered and I freaked out because I know how Cooper thinks and I know he probably has something up his sleeve if he's not taking the deal. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that he hadn't done anything because the trial starts next week."

Felicity heard him shift and settle back down in his chair. "As long as you're okay," Oliver said. "We can deal with whatever that psycho throws at us as it comes. All I care about is your safety. You're safe, right?"

"Yeah, I'm safe," she replied.

"I'll make a few phone calls and get some extra security detail on both of us. I don't want you going out alone while you're here."

"Oliver, I know you're afraid for my safety, but isn't that a bit much?"

"Nothing is ever too much when it comes to you," he said with such determination she almost felt guilty for asking. "I almost lost you once. I'm not letting that happen again."

"Okay," Felicity sighed. "Look, I need to finish my meeting with Laurel," she added as she glanced up to find the ADA sitting at her desk patiently waiting for her client to end her phone call.

"Stay safe, okay?" Oliver replied.

"Of course."

They said their goodbyes and Felicity hung up. The phone slipped into the pocket of her jacket before she turned her attention back on Laurel. "I'm sorry about that," Felicity apologized. "It's just, I know my ex-boyfriend and after all the things he said to me before…"

"He raped you?" Laurel supplied.

"Yeah… Before that, he told me his grand plan." Felicity was about to explain when Laurel held up her hand.

"I think now would be a good time to grab a recorder and get this all on tape. I don't want you to have to repeat yourself if you don't have to," she said.

"Oh," Felicity breathed. "I… I would appreciate that."

"There's also someone I need to have present while I take your statement."

"Who?"

"A police detective."

Felicity nodded. She sat alone in Laurel's office for several minutes waiting for her return. As the second ticked by, the need to do something other than sit in a chair arose. Standing, Felicity strode over to the windows and glanced out at the city. The fifth floor didn't provide much of a view, but there was enough to see the thick grey clouds overhead heavy with rain. They complimented her dark mood and before she knew it, the door had opened again.

Laurel stepped inside carrying a small device in her hands. "Can you follow me?" she asked, motioning for Felicity to exit the office. "I think it would be better to do this in the conference room." She led her down the hall, stopping at the end where a pair of opaque glass doors stood slightly ajar. Laurel pushed them open with her hip, making room for Felicity to enter ahead of her.

The interior looked much like the rest of the office: redwood paneled walls, wood flooring, and a large black table in the center surrounded by at least a dozen chairs. Two of the walls were made of glass allowing natural light to filter in. The rest of the room was illuminated with recessed lighting and a few floor lamps. It was empty aside from the two of them. Laurel led her to the end closest to the windows and pulled out a chair for her.

"Thank you," Felicity said as she sat down and waiting for Laurel to join her.

"I hope you don't mind that we're killing two birds with one stone today," she replied, setting up her device on the table. It was a small tape recorder with a multidirectional microphone attached to it. Laurel fiddled with the settings for a moment before she was satisfied then said, "Both the detective and I will be taking your statement. I'm also going to grab our stenographer so we have a transcribed copy of your statement ready to go as soon as this is over."

"So that makes... three people," Felicity counted. Her anxiety was higher than she would have liked, and now her bladder felt full, which made things even more uncomfortable for her.

"I know and I'm so sorry," Laurel apologized. "I'm trying to keep this circle as small as possible but the detective needs to take your statement since you were unable to give it after the assault happened. Having the stenographer present allows us to have a written account sooner rather than later."

"It's just that the only person I've ever shared this story with so far has been my therapist and it took me a really long time to get comfortable telling her, so going from one person to three has me feeling extremely nervous," Felicity explained. "I also really need to go to the bathroom."

Laurel nodded. She motioned for Felicity to follow her and said, "Right this way." This walk only took a few seconds. The entrance to the bathroom was right next to the conference room.

When Felicity entered, she immediately headed for one of the stalls to relieve herself before taking a few minutes to stare into the mirror. The woman staring back at her looked worn out and exhausted, something she felt deep in her bones that afternoon, more so than usual. The questioning she would soon face would only add to it. By the end of the day, Felicity surmised, there was no doubt in her mind the hotel room shower and bed were the only places she'd have the energy to drag herself to. Today was shaping up to be a rough one and she already couldn't wait for it to be over.

Returning to the conference room, Felicity found two more people had joined the group. One was an older woman with greying hair. She sat to the left of the center seat setting up a laptop. Beside her was a familiar face.

"Detective Lance," Felicity said as she strode up to the table. He stood upon seeing her with a smile and his hand extended.

"Miss Smoak," Det. Lance replied. "Good to see you again. How are you?"

"Better than the last time I saw you," she answered.

"I'm sorry if I'm springing this on you with such short notice, but it was Laurel's idea to kill two birds with one stone. She knew I needed to take your statement and that it was important for the DA to have it as well, so here I am. Hope you're okay with that," he said.

"It's fine."

"I know the last time we tried to have this conversation you were too drugged up and scared to remember anything," Lance recalled.

"True, but I've been working with a therapist so I should be okay now," Felicity said. "And I do remember more details that I think will help your case against Cooper and Ray."

"As glad as I am that you remember," he replied, "I am sorry you have to."

"My therapist told me to treat it like one of our sessions and take a break if I need it," Felicity explained. "Taking a break is okay, right? I mean, if it's not, I'll push through it…"

Det. Lance put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "It's perfectly fine. If you need a break at any time, you just let me know and we'll stop."

"Thank you, Detective," she replied, giving him a warm smile before parting ways to take a seat at the head of the conference table.

"Are you ready, Felicity?" Laurel asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she muttered. "Let's get this over with so I can grab some lunch then head back to my hotel for a hot shower and a nap."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting. Last week was pretty insane at work and I had way to much to do all week, not to mention the Columbus con this weekend, so I'm pretty wiped out. But here's the next chapter! Enjoy!

After a long and excruciating three hours of describing what had happened to her that fateful day, followed by an hour of answering all the questions Det. Lance had for her, Felicity was finally done. Her eyes hurt from crying and her nose was red from the many times she'd blown it with a tissue, but it was over. She'd made it through with only a couple of breaks, and now all she wanted to do was grab some food for her growling belly and head back to her hotel until dinner. At least that's how she hoped things would go. There was always a possibility something would happen to change her plans, she just hoped today would be one of those days where life would cooperate.

"Thank you, Miss Smoak," Det. Lance said as he stood up from his seat. "I'm sorry I had to put you through that, but…"

"It was necessary," Felicity finished. "I understand. I want these bastards behind bars as much as you do. They don't deserve to see the light of day after what they did to me."

"I couldn't agree with you more," he replied, giving her one last warm smile before stepping past her to say goodbye to his daughter.

Once he left the conference room, Laurel walked her down the hall to the reception area. "Thank you for coming in today, Felicity," she said. "It was nice to finally meet you and get a feel for what happened. I know this hasn't been easy for you, and I really do think we'll get that conviction."

"I just hope nothing crazy happens between now and the trial," Felicity replied.

"Both my father and I understand your concerns," Laurel agreed. "He wanted to have a few of his officers keep an eye on you, but I told him Sara already had it covered."

Felicity stared at her curiously and asked, "Does she?"

"Well, she does have her best bodyguard following you around by the looks of it." Laurel pointed to the man sitting on one of the leather chairs in the reception area flipping through a magazine even though Felicity could tell it was a front. Diggle was always alert, always watching and listening to what was going on around him, and for that she was grateful.

"Ah, yes," Felicity replied with a smile. "Dig is definitely one of the best."

Laurel nodded, returning her smile. "And from what I've heard, she's also got a few extra sets of eyes on you that you can't see," she said.

"Creepy," Felicity quipped, "but I'd rather be safe than sorry." She truly wanted to feel safe and was glad for the extra security, but hearing that Sara was involved didn't exactly sit well with her. There were still so many unresolved issues between the two of them, things that they needed to work out amongst themselves, but given time, Felicity felt she could get past that as well. If she could move on with her life after Cooper and Ray assaulted her, then she could definitely move on from Sara's beating.

"Do you want me to let her know about your concerns regarding Cooper?" Laurel asked as she walked Felicity to the elevator, Diggle following closely behind them.

"Nah. This is something I'd rather discuss with Oliver and Diggle first. They've been pretty on top of keeping me safe as of late, especially after what happened last month," Felicity replied.

Laurel cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing slightly. "What happened last month?"

"Someone tried to steal my purse as I was heading home from the doctor's office. I got knocked around a little, and Oliver flew in to check on me. I'm pretty sure he's had people watching me since he left," Felicity explained. All Laurel did was nod. "Well, I'd better be going. My stomach won't stop growling and I'm exhausted from my early morning flight."

"Thanks again for coming in to talk with me and my father. You did well today," Laurel commended, reaching out to take her hand and give it a squeeze. "What you did showed strength and courage. I'm confident this trial will go our way, especially with your testimony."

"Now that you have my statement, is it necessary that I tell my story again at the trial?" Felicity asked.

"It really depends on how things go," Laurel replied. "If we need to get sympathy from the jury, then you might, but if you don't want to, I won't force you to."

"Okay, good." Felicity slipped on the jacket she'd taken off halfway through giving her statement. "I guess I'll see you again soon, Laurel. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"You too, Felicity."

The two women shook hands before Laurel turned and headed back to her office. That left Felicity waiting for the elevator as Diggle stood beside her, his hands clasped out in front of him. They made their way downstairs to the lobby, but before they could head to the garage where he had parked the car, she spotted someone she had been waiting to see all day. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered to life in a mad rush making her stomach swoop unexpectedly.

"Oliver?" she barely whispered as soon as his sharp blue eyes landed on her. A heartwarming smile lit up his face as he closed the distance between them.

"Felicity," he breathed, wrapping his arms around her. She melted into him, her hands clutching the fine Italian fabric of his grey suit jacket. His scent filled her nostrils: lavender, amber, and sandalwood. And it smelled like home.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, letting him go and taking a tiny step back so they could look at each other. Dressed in a charcoal grey suit with a crisp white shirt and an emerald green tie, Oliver looked as dashing as the day they'd met. Felicity could stand there and stare at him for the next few hours, but then he reached out and took her hands in his. Warmth spread through her noticeably cold fingers as she squeezed back.

"Earlier, when you called, you scared me," Oliver confessed. "I just wanted to make sure you really were okay."

"I am," Felicity confirmed, nodding her head. "Dig was just about to take me to my hotel room. It's been a long day and I haven't eaten yet."

"Would you like to grab a bite with me right now?" Oliver asked. "I know we said dinner, but I can hear your stomach growling from here."

"Aren't you exhausted?" she asked, looping her arm around the one he offered her. They paused for a moment as he glanced down at her with a questioning look. That's when Felicity noticed the dark circles under his eyes and added, "Dig said you've been up all night dealing with security problems. Wouldn't you like to go home and get some rest?"

Oliver simply smiled. "I've napped a couple times today," he replied. "I'm good for at least a few more hours before I absolutely need to get some sleep. And, quite frankly, I'd rather spend that time with you than being stuck in my office."

"You know what, then?" Felicity asked, her body sidling up to his as they walked through the glass doors and outside into the cloudy afternoon. "Let's get that bite to eat."

He beamed down at her. Over his shoulder, Oliver said, "Hey Dig, just follow us."

Felicity glanced back to see Diggle give them a half grin and a nod before turning around to head toward the garage where he was parked. Oliver led her outside. Just as they climbed into the back of his black limo, the heavens opened up and rain began to pelt the car with large, heavy drops.

"That was close," Felicity commented, staring out the window as the rain beaded down the tinted glass.

They sat side by side, his hand gently gripping hers as they drove through the streets of Starling City much like old times. Although they didn't speak, the silence felt comfortable. It lasted through the rest of the car ride until they reached a quieter part of town where the buildings looked a little more rustic and homely. The limo pulled up to a small Italian restaurant nestled between two brownstones on the bottom floor. A small staircase led them down beneath an empty, canopied patio. Oliver guided them through the door, a large black umbrella covering their heads from the rain, and Felicity immediately understood why he'd taken her here.

It was warm and cozy, secluded, and away from the prying eyes of anyone who could have spotted them. If the paparazzi got wind that she was back in town, there would have been a circus waiting for them. So much media coverage had led Felicity to seclude herself in Las Vegas for the past several months. Their hounding questions and inability to listen to her when she asked for privacy had her living under a rock for several weeks until the frenzy finally calmed down and they moved onto another salacious story.

The hostess immediately recognized Oliver as he shook the beaded water off his umbrella and gave him a wide smile. "Mr. Queen!" she exclaimed. "It's a pleasure to see you again. How many in your party?"

"Just the two of us," Oliver replied, his eyes never leaving Felicity's as he spoke. "A table in the back, please. Somewhere quite and away from everyone else."

"Not a problem," the hostess said. "Right this way."

She led them to the very back of the restaurant, to a secluded corner booth where they had as much privacy as they desired. Felicity felt comfortable here, away from the crowds and the windows, and took off her coat, hanging it up on the little hook on the post next to her seat. Oliver followed suit then rolled up the crisp white sleeves of his dress shirt, showcasing those impressive forearms she could never take her eyes off of.

The hostess handed them their menus and scurried off back to her stand, leaving them alone. Before either one got a chance to look at it, a waiter came by to take their drink order. "Would you like to split a bottle of wine?" Oliver asked.

"No, thank you. I'm just going to stick to water," Felicity replied.

"Oh, right… It's your medications, isn't it?" he surmised.

"Yeah," she said then under her breath added, "something like that." It was one thing to let Oliver know she was on antidepressants and anxiety medication; it was another to let him in on the even bigger secret growing in her belly. Thankfully, he didn't press and just ordered a club soda for himself.

"So, what's good here?" Felicity asked, her eyes falling on the menu in her hands.

"Pretty much everything on the menu," Oliver said. "Do you want to start with an appetizer?"

"Oh, god, yes please! I'm starving," she replied. Felicity scanned through her options before finally making a suggestion. "How does bruschetta sound?"

"Sounds good," Oliver agreed.

The waiter returned with their drinks and Oliver put in the order for their appetizer followed by his dinner, veal piccata. Felicity, on the other hand, asked, "Does anything on the menu have nuts?"

"Our pesto is made with nuts," the man informed her, "as is the pansoti."

"Hm… Okay, I guess that rules out anything with pesto," she muttered to herself. Her choices dwindled down to just a few, which made it easier for her to pick what she wanted. "Can I have the gnocchi and Italian sausage then?" Felicity asked. "Please make sure to keep my food away from anything with nuts. I'm severely allergic."

"Not a problem, miss," he replied as he jotted it down on his notepad. Then he was gone, off to put in their appetizer and grab the salads that came with their meals.

Left alone in their booth, Oliver slid a little closer, his arm banding around Felicity's shoulder to tuck her into his side. "Hey," he whispered. Her eyes darted up to gaze at him as he added, "I've missed you."

Felicity smiled up at him and replied, "I've missed you, too."

"How have you been?" Oliver asked. "I noticed you've been looking a lot healthier since I last saw you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Felicity shot back, narrowing her eyes at him. Had he noticed the fact that her skirt was tighter around her waist than it should be or that her blouse was just a little looser around her waist or that her boobs had grown huge in the past three weeks and barely fit into her bra? The last thing she needed was for him to notice the weight gain. It made her nearly panic as she waited for his reply.

"No," Oliver said, pulling back to look down at her as his free hand reached up to cup her cheek. He smiled and added, "You look like you're… glowing."

Felicity nervously giggled. She really didn't know what else to say aside from an awkward, "Thank you," before pulling out of his arms and taking a sip of her water. This was not how she envisioned their lunch going this afternoon. Her heart was ready to beat out of her chest with the amount of anxiety she felt at that moment, and if Oliver didn't stop this train of thought, Felicity knew she'd be running out of the restaurant at any moment.

"I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?" he asked, putting just a little more distance between them as his body slid away from hers on the seat. "I really didn't mean to. I swear it's been so long since I've done something like this."

Felicity's curiosity piqued. She gazed up at him, her head cocked to the side, and asked, "Like what?"

"Gone out to eat with a girl as friends," Oliver answered. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever done that. Every time I've been out with a girl, it was to get in her pants." He hung his head in shame for a moment before looking back at her with resolution. "But this _thing_ between you and me… It's not anything like that. I truly just want to spend time with you and get to know you. I want us to get back to where we were before life got so crazy. I want a real relationship with you and not that fake contracted crap we were in before."

"You… You want a real relationship… with me?" Felicity slowly repeated his words because for a moment, she couldn't believe what he was saying. A smile started to grow on her face. They had never really discussed this before. There had been allusions to it, but Oliver had never said anything concrete until this moment. It made her heart sing, but it soon came crashing down when she remembered the huge secret she was hiding from him.

Before the terror could manifest in her eyes, the waiter returned with their salads and appetizer. He set them on the table between Oliver and Felicity before running off. While she had no intention of finishing their conversation, Oliver did.

"I do," he whispered, placing his hand on top of hers where it lay on the table.

Felicity quickly pulled away, grabbing the red napkin that held her utensils and unrolling it so they spilled out on the table in front of her with a loud clatter. She jumped slightly at the sound, startled, but quickly recovered as she placed the fabric onto her lap.

"I did it again, didn't I?" Oliver asked, his eyes downcast. He pulled his hand away, letting it fall into his lap as he stared down at his salad.

"Did what?" Felicity replied as she quickly took a bite of her food. The red wine vinaigrette exploded with flavor in her mouth, momentarily making her forget what they had been talking about. Her stomach was just so happy to finally have food in it. The bagel with cream cheese she'd had for breakfast hadn't been enough to sustain her up until then and she was grateful the waiter and kitchen staff were so quick with their food.

"Made you feel uncomfortable," Oliver murmured. He sounded sad and dejected, and when Felicity looked up, she found his head down, his chin nearly resting on his chest.

The overwhelming sense of guilt took over and she placed her fork down onto the table. "Oliver, I…" she began to say, but found herself unable to reply. For once, Felicity didn't know how to answer him. The flood of guilt that churned in her gut as she stared at him prevented words from spilling out of her mouth like they usually did. Instead, she sat there quietly contemplating her life and how she ended up here.

"I'm sorry," Oliver whispered, grabbing his napkin to place in his lap as he picked up his fork.

The silence the followed felt heavy and awkward. As Felicity picked at her salad, pushing away the olives and the cheese, her eyes flicked up to find him quietly sitting beside her, his focus on his plate as he ate the leafy greens. "Oliver," she finally said, and his eyes quickly snapped up to meet hers. Felicity was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze, but she plowed on. "I've been through a hell of a lot today," she continued, putting down her fork. "I'm sorry if things are a little off, but there's just so much going on in my head that you're kinda throwing me off with everything you've said. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate it. I really do, but I'm not ready to have this discussion just yet. So if it's alright with you, I'd really like to have a meal with my friend who I haven't seen in almost a month."

Oliver stared at her for several moments, his face stoic, masking whatever was going on inside his head. "Okay," he finally replied, a smile breaking out on his lips. "And I'm sorry for being so… pushy. I really don't mean to be. It's just that I've really missed you and I'm so happy to have you back in my life that I don't know how to act around you."

Returning his smile, Felicity reached out and placed her hand on his upper arm. "Act like yourself," she said. "Like the person I met last November. If I start to feel overwhelmed, I'll tell you." As she stroked his arm, Oliver nodded in agreement. "Good, now that we have that settled, how about you tell me what's going on with QC? Dig mentioned something about security problems."

"Someone's been trying to hack our network," he answered. "It started last month after I announced the Stellmore merger publically."

"Stellmore International, right?" Felicity replied. When Oliver nodded, she added, "That's the second largest tech company in the country. Why have they agreed to a merger with Queen Consolidated? I thought they were doing pretty well."

"Their stock plummeted since the Feds raided their corporate offices and found out the CEO was actually a high ranking member of the Russian mob," Oliver explained. "I figured since QC was in the process of opening the new Applied Sciences division, it would help boost our stock if we acquired a company already working on similar tech."

"Who do you think might be behind the network attacks? Someone from Stellmore who doesn't want it to happen?"

"Possibly, but none of the IT people have managed to get a lock on the IP address. It's been bouncing around the globe, from what I've been told."

Felicity mulled over the information for a few moments as she bit into her slice of bruschetta. "You know, I have a lot of free time on my hands now that I'm here, so if you want me to help you out, all you have to do is ask," she said, nudging his arm with her elbow.

"I don't want to impose," Oliver replied, "The last thing I want to do is put you under any more stress than you're already under."

"If anything, you'll be helping to alleviate my stress," Felicity countered. "I need something to keep me occupied and to keep my mind of the trial, and if that means burying myself in code for the next week, then so be it."

"But-"

"No 'buts,'" she cut him off. "Besides, you were going to hire me as Director of Applied Sciences, weren't you?" Oliver could only nod. "Then let me test out the position and see if I can handle it. After all, I did quit my job back in Vegas so I really don't have much else to fall back on."

She could see the wheels turning in Oliver's head, especially since she hadn't corrected herself or backpedaled out of her words. It was a big step, admitting that she might be ready to come back to Starling City and Queen Consolidated once again, even if it was on a trial basis. Finally telling her story and putting it out there for the world to see gave Felicity the courage she needed to step back into the light.

"Okay…" The smile on Oliver's face grew even wider. "Would you be okay to start tomorrow?"

"I think starting tomorrow would be fantastic," Felicity answered just as their food arrived.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry it's taken so long to update this story. It's been a very busy time for me. There have been a lot of major changes going on in my life, and they've kept me busy for the past few months, the biggest of which is I'M MOVING OUT! Yep! Finally leaving a toxic environment for something better. I'm super excited!
> 
> On the down side, that toxic environment has been causing me a hell of a lot of problems. I've been under major stress and the panic attacks have become a weekly thing that are getting harder and harder to manage. They've gotten so bad that my writing has suffered. I've experienced some terrible writer's block. But then I realized it wasn't just the stress. I wasn't happy with the direction of the story. So...
> 
>  **MAJOR CHANGES ARE COMING!**  
>  This will be the last time I update this version of the story. The more I've written of it, the more discontent I became with what I was writing. Several of you mentioned you didn't like the pregnancy story line, and it took me a while to realize that that was exactly what irritated me as well. You brought up some fantastic points about how it was unfeasible, and I've taken those to heart. I'm jumping into a new version of the story for NaNoWriMo this year that will not longer contain the pregnancy plot, but will explore much more meaningful topics: depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicide. I know some of those are pretty rough topics for some of you, but for me, it's a way to positively express myself and work through my own issues. 
> 
> I really am sorry for doing this, but at the same time, I just couldn't continue writing a story that no longer felt true to my vision of it. I hope you all understand. Thank you for being such kind, wonderful reviewers. I appreciate all your feedback and positivity. You guys are wonderful and I hope you enjoy the new version of the story.

They finished their meal in an unhurried fashion, enjoying each other's company as the wait staff continued refilling their glasses. Even dessert was a slow, meandering dish that took them nearly half an hour to eat as they caught up for the first time in months. For Felicity, it was a reprieve from the emotional turmoil she'd been through the past several weeks. This light conversation with Oliver allowed her to remember what it felt like just being around him. And every time the crippling fear of telling him about the baby surfaced, she tamped it down with near Herculean effort.

As the minutes ticked by, so did Oliver's ability to stay awake. He started yawning at the beginning of dessert and Felicity could see he was trying his best to keep up with her, but it could only last so long. The dark circles under his eyes told her he desperately needed sleep, so after they cleared their plate of tiramisu, she waved the waiter over and asked for separate checks.

"Oh, no! I'm paying for this," Oliver quickly protested, sitting up from where he'd been leaning against her shoulder for the past half hour trying not to fall asleep.

"Uh, no," Felicity retorted. "You're paying for your portion, and I'm paying for mine. That's what friends do." She gave him a firm look as the waiter stood fidgeting in front of their table. "Separate checks, please. And if he thinks he's going to pay for my food, here's my credit card." She handed the man her Visa before Oliver had a chance to knock it out of her fingers.

"Fine," he grumbled. He, too, gave the waiter his card before settling back into the cushy leather booth.

With dinner paid for, Felicity scooted out of her seat to put on her jacket, but Oliver was already up holding it out for her. She slipped her arms through the sleeves and adjusted the collar before grabbing her purse and allowing him to lead them out of the restaurant. Although she wouldn't admit it out loud, Felicity liked this gentlemanly side of him. Offering to pay for dinner, helping her put on her jacket, opening doors for her; those were all things she hadn't experienced until she met Oliver.

As he pushed through the glass door that led out onto the patio, Felicity could hear the dim hum of electronic equipment coming from the street level. Her eyes gravitated toward it before becoming the size of saucers. Camped out on the pavement were close to a dozen news trucks, well over twenty photographers, and god knew how many bystanders all clamoring to get a front row seat to the entrance of the restaurant.

"Oh, no," Felicity breathed as she grabbed onto Oliver's arm and tugged him back inside just as one of the news reporters spotted them and alerted the rest of the crowd to their presence.

Oliver was quick to grab her waist and throw her back through the door, shutting and locking it behind him. "Who told them we were here?!" he shouted at the hostess, who quickly jumped back at his angry tone.

"N-no one, Mr. Queen!" she quickly recovered. "Anonymity is what we pride ourselves on. I assure you, none of the wait or kitchen staff told anyone you were here. All our guests are on the same level as you."

"Is there another way out of here?" Oliver asked, his temper still flaring as he held Felicity flush against his side.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Queen, but the front door is our only entrance and exit."

"How did they find me?" Felicity mumbled, her eyes glazed over as she blankly stared out into the dimly lit restaurant. From where she stood, she could see almost everything. There were only four other occupied tables, all of which tried and failed not to look at them. Her heart began to race as she tucked herself deeper into Oliver's side. "I've only been in the city for a few hours. I did everything I could to cover my tracks. I made sure to alter my appearance until I got to the hotel. How do they know I'm here?" Felicity was on the verge of tears, her body shaking with fear as she leaned into Oliver for support when her legs nearly gave out underneath her.

"Hey… Hey, it's going to be okay," he murmured into her hair. His arms banded around her shoulders, keeping her flush against him. Thin, delicate fingers latched onto the lapels of his jacket, holding on for dear life. Felicity could feel his hands run up and down her back, trying to calm her, but it barely helped. Her worst nightmares were coming to life and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Felicity," she heard Oliver whisper beside her ear. "I'm going to call Dig and see what he can do. Okay?" She nodded in agreement as he led her toward the back of the restaurant and the booth they had previously occupied. "Just sit tight. Everything will be okay. I promise."

Oliver stood just outside the booth, his body blocking anyone from seeing her as he made the call. The tension that radiated from his body only seemed to fuel her own. Felicity reached into her purse and pulled out her anxiety medication, quickly downing it with the half empty glass of water she'd left on the table only a few minutes earlier. As Oliver slipped the phone into his pocket, he turned to gaze down at her, his expression grim.

"Dig says the entire street is blocked. He's been trying to get through for the last few minutes, but there are just so many people out there, he's afraid he might hit someone," Oliver explained. As he slipped into the booth beside her, his heavy sigh told Felicity that wasn't all her bodyguard said. "He's going to call Sara, see if she can pull some strings and have her dad come out here to do crowd control, but we might be stuck for a little while."

"I just wanna get out of here and go back to my hotel," she muttered, her eyes filling with tears. This was not how Felicity saw her night going. She had imagined having a quiet dinner with Oliver, slipping out of the restaurant, and heading back to her room for a relaxing night in. Instead, she was stuck at said restaurant with the paparazzi nearly rushing the door in order to get a glimpse of her.

"Why are they so interested in me?" Felicity asked. "I'm just a normal girl. There's nothing special about me."

"Hey, of course there is," Oliver replied across from her. He reached over the table and laid his hands over hers. "You, Felicity Smoak, are one of the most special people I know. Don't ever think you're not."

"I don't mean it that way," she sighed. "I mean… I don't see what reason these people think I'm important enough to follow me around. I'm not a movie star. I'm not a musician. I'm sure as hell not a Kardashian either."

"Thank god," she heard Oliver mutter under his breath and immediately glanced up to stare at him. He was smiling softly at her. "What?" he asked. "I've met that entire family. Trust me, they're not all they're cracked up to be. I felt like I needed to take a shower just accidentally bumping into one of them." His dig, however small, made Felicity smile, and in turn, the grin on Oliver's face widened.

"Do you really think everything will be okay?" she asked, her smile fading.

He stared at her for a moment, quietly contemplating his answer before he said, "Yeah, I do. And if not, we'll get through this. It's just a bump in the road. Besides, I'm pretty sure after a day or two, your arrival in Starling City will be old news."

"I still can't understand why they'd think me being here is newsworthy," Felicity replied.

She watched Oliver shift in his seat, his smile faltering as a faraway look entered his sharp, blue eyes. "I think it's because people like hearing about other people overcoming huge obstacles in their lives," he said. "What you've been through, what you've endured, what you've _survived_ ; I really do believe people look up to you. They see your strength and they want to hear more about your story."

Felicity straightened up in her seat. "Seriously?" she asked, her head tilting slightly to the right. "They… They want to hear my story?" It blew her mind, hearing Oliver's thoughts on the issue. But another thought quickly erased the happiness his words held. "I bet they wouldn't think that if they knew my whole story. You know, the bits about me being a…" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she said, " _Prostitute_."

Oliver reached over, this time slipping his fingers between hers. "No one will ever find out about that," he said. "I promise."

"But you can't know that," Felicity countered. "What if the media does find out?"

"In the off chance that it does happen," Oliver replied, "I have a team of publicists that'll help spin it into something positive." He scooted a little closer, until his hip touched hers, and said, "I promise you, Felicity, I will do everything in my power to make all of this easier for you. Whatever you need, don't hesitate to ask me. I want you to feel comfortable for however long you're in Starling. You deserve at least that for what you're being put through these next few weeks."

She sat silently beside him, her eyes shining with a thin sheen of tears as they stared at each other. "Thank you, Oliver," she replied, her voice wobbly from all the emotions that had suddenly hit her straight in the chest. He stepped closer and tentatively wrapped his arms around her. Felicity melted into his embrace, her body reverting to instinct. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she understood his presence meant comfort even after all they'd been through. Oliver was her safe place.

"You're welcome," he murmured into her ear. Their embrace only lasted a moment before the spell was broken by the ringing of Oliver's cell phone. He fished it out of his pocket, staring at the screen before answering. "Dig?" There was a long pause as the man on the other end of the line said something. Felicity stayed close, staring up at him as he nodded his head in response before he said, "Okay, good. We'll be right out."

"What's going on?" Felicity asked.

"Dig's outside waiting for us. Detective Lance and Sara are on crowd control making sure we've got a clear path out of here," Oliver explained as he wrapped one arm around her and grabbed his umbrella with the other hand. "Let's go. We've only got a small window before the paparazzi closes in on us."

With a nod, Felicity wrapped her arm around his waist. Out of instinct, her head dropped. While this wasn't exactly new for her, she knew what she had to do in order to protect herself. The collar of her jacket went up and she used her free hand to shield her face as they walked toward the door, Oliver setting a brisk pace that was almost hard to keep up with in her heels. But Felicity managed.

They paused to stare at each other, and after nodding in unison, he threw open the door and the low din of the crowd turned into loud shouts and screams of their names. Oliver's arm tightened around her waist, holding her even closer as they made their way up the stairs and up to street level. The volume increased as the shouts became more persistent, but Oliver kept them moving. A small gap had opened up, like Moses parting the sea, with Det. Lance on one side and Sara on the other.

This was the first time Felicity had seen her since before the attack, and while she expected several feelings to rush through her regarding the encounter, the rowdy crowd drowned them out. The adrenaline and fear of being caught up in the whirlwind of reporters and photographers kept her mind on a single goal: get to the black limo parked just a few feet away. Her feelings toward Sara could be dealt with later. Right now, getting away from the crowd was far more pressing.

Oliver continued to push them through the shouting and bright flashbulbs. They went off so quickly and so incessantly, Felicity's head started to spin. Soon, she began to feel sick and dizzy. She didn't know whether it was from what she'd eaten, the paparazzi, or her pregnancy, but it became all too much for her to handle. Just a few feet from the limo, her steps began to falter. Her knees gave out and her body lurched forward, the weightlessness of freefall quickly overwhelming her.

Just when Felicity thought she would fall face first in front of the gathered crowd, her body jerked upward before being thrust forward into darkness. Beneath her hands and knees, she felt buttery soft leather, and when her eyes adjusted, she knew she was inside the limo. Hands grabbed her waist, setting her gently down on the far seat before the door shut with a hard thud behind her. When she finally glanced over, Oliver had taken a seat beside her, his head still facing the direction of the crowd outside, his body trembling slightly as he continued to hold onto her.

"Hey," Felicity softly called out. His head whipped around to face her, blue eyes filled with a wild worry she'd never seen before.

"Are you alright?" Oliver asked, his hands flying from her waist to cup her face.

"Yeah… Yeah," she repeated, giving him a weak smile as her fingers wrapped around his wrists. "I'm okay." Although her heart continued to race, the dizziness and nausea abated. She watched as Oliver took her in, his wild eyes scanning her up and down several times as if to make sure she really was okay.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Because you almost fell out there."

"Yeah," Felicity answered. "I just got a little… overwhelmed. That's all." He nodded, satisfied with her answer, and let his hands drop from her face. She immediately began to miss their warmth, but pushed the feeling aside. Her body settled into the seat beside him as the car rocked slightly upon their driver's entrance.

"Thanks, Dig," Oliver said as he reached over to pat his friend on the shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

"Gladly," Diggle replied, revving the engine before blaring the horn in an effort to part the crowd of paparazzi now swarming their car.

The instinct to curl into Oliver returned. Flashes from the last time this happened, on their way home from the hospital after her attack, came flooding back. Before she knew it, Felicity had scooted closer, her left side pressing against his right as she curled into him seeking out the comfort she knew she'd find. His arm came around her shoulders, holding her close as Diggle maneuvered out of the crowd and away from the restaurant, leaving the reporters and photographers behind.

"Traffic's not bad. We'll be at the hotel soon," Diggle said from the driver's seat as he kept his eyes on the road.

"Good," Oliver replied. His hand rubbed up and down Felicity's arm, putting her at ease as the limo drove through the uncrowded streets of Starling City.

For the first time since the end of dinner, she allowed herself to relax. It wasn't until that moment she realized just how exhausted she was. The day had worn her down to the last visages of her sanity. Felicity looked forward to a long, hot shower, her comfiest pajamas, and the massive king sized bed awaiting her. Her eyes started to droop at the thought of sleep.

Before she knew it, the limo had stopped moving, as did Oliver's hand. "Hey," he murmured against the top of her head. Felicity jolted away from him, her heart beginning to race once more until she realized what was happening. "Hey," he repeated, gently this time as his hand wrapped around hers and gave it a light squeeze. "We're here."

Felicity glanced out the window on her side of the limo to find them sitting inside a dimly lit garage. The secondary entrance to the hotel was only a few feet from her side and sighed with relief. "Oh, thank god," Felicity breathed, reaching over to open the door. Before her hand even got close to the handle, it opened for her to reveal Diggle standing outside waiting to help her out of the back seat.

"Thank you," Felicity said as she smiled up at him.

"You're welcome," he replied, returning her smile.

From behind her, Oliver asked, "Would it be alright if I walked you up?" She turned to see him gazing at her with those still wild blue eyes, but they were calmer now. The storm had passed and only the rain remained. Felicity nodded, understanding why he needed to walk her up to her room. After the scene at the restaurant, her safety had become paramount and Oliver probably wouldn't rest unless he knew she was safe.

They walked toward the entrance to the hotel, her leading and him sticking to her side with his hand hovering just above the small of her back. Felicity could feel his warmth pool there and although she craved his touch, she refused to get any closer. Today had been a test of their boundaries, and so far, she'd already crossed all of them. They still had a long road ahead of them before their current friendship could evolve into something more. Felicity could only hope Oliver wouldn't misconstrue her actions today as wanting something more. Things were already complicated enough.

All was quiet in the lobby as they entered. People wandered about aimlessly, too distracted by rowdy children or cell phones to notice the newcomers as they rounded the corner and headed straight for the bank of elevators. Felicity's room was on the fifth floor, near the end of the hall near the stairwell, as far away from everyone else as she could possibly get. It was her own little safety net just in case things got a little too crazy and she needed to slip out of the hotel quickly, just like they had at the restaurant.

As the elevator doors opened to her floor, Felicity's focus fell to her purse. She began to rummage through the crowded black bag, around her tablet and other necessities, until she found her wallet. Inside was her room key, the only one she'd asked for. The hotel was under strict orders not to make any extras unless she was at the front desk herself.

"Ah, here we go," Felicity said as she held up the little white plastic card as they reached her door. Just as she was about to swipe it, Oliver's arm flew out across her chest, startling her. "What the…? Oliver! I was just about to…"

"Felicity," he sternly replied. When she glared up at him, he nodded toward the door. She decided to humor him and glanced in the general direction of the door.

The room key, purse, and Felicity's jaw all dropped when she spotted what Oliver had been staring at. Her heart nearly stopped in her chest when she realized the door was slightly ajar. "Oh, god," she muttered. "Oh, god! No! This can't be happening!" She was about to plow through the open door to see what had happened on the other side when Oliver grabbed her arm and held her back.

"Wait," he growled. "I'll go in first. You stay here and call Det. Lance." Before Felicity could even respond, his shoulder had already pushed open the door. She only got a glance of what was behind the dark stained wood before Oliver closed it, and it looked like utter chaos. Blankets and chair cushions had been thrown across the floor. Her clothes were strewn over the bed.

Felicity felt her tears return as she back into the wall behind her. The world felt like it was opening up and swallowing her whole. Ever since she arrived that morning in Starling, things had gone from bad to worse. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. Her mental capacities were already as frayed as they could get, and now someone had broken into her hotel room?

Sliding down the wall, Felicity curled her knees toward her chest and began to cry. Each gut wrenching sob became louder and louder until her cries echoed down the hallway. Footsteps pitter-pattered along the carpeted floor until they reached her. But Felicity didn't look up. Not even when a hand reached out and squeezed her shoulder. Not even when another fell to her knee. It wasn't until she heard Oliver's warm, gravelly voice that she finally looked up to see him kneeling in front of her.

"Hey… Hey… It's okay… It's okay," he kept repeating, but Felicity couldn't stop the tears that streamed down her cheeks. She was beyond consoling. Everything hurt: her body, her mind, her heart, and her soul. She wanted to get away from here and never come back, but she knew, deep down, she couldn't escape, and that's what caused her to shut down. It was the only thing she could do at that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Please review and feed the muse!


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